Hi guys. I have to spill my guts to people who understand.
I'm getting married in a little less than four months. I've been engaged almost two years and the plan was to lose weight. Didn't happen.
I used to be thin... like 130 pounds... until about four years ago. My future husband and I started dating when I was thin and then I slowly packed on the weight. I know he loves me for me, and it's not him that I'm worried about.
It's my wedding.
I'm SUPER self conscious and I am just dreading that day because I know it won't be filled with the right kind of thoughts... it will be filled with me worried about how fat and ugly I look.
I haven't gotten my wedding dress yet... that should be such a happy activity for a bride, but I just can't do it... when I think about it, I cry.
I feel so bad when I have these feelings of dread towards the day that should be the happiest of my life, but I can't help it.
I try talking to my friends or mom about it, but they don't understand. They just say "you will be beautiful" but I know that I won't. It won't matter if I do or not because I won't FEEL beautiful, and that's the whole point.
I just need advice, support or maybe just an e-hug.
But you WILL be beautiful, no matter what you think! Your future husband is marrying you, because you ARE beautiful in his eyes!
At any case, in 4 months you are certainly able to lose a fair amount of weight if you just pick a reasonable (=not too hard on you) weight loss program and follow it. Picture yourself how you would like to look like and it will keep you motivated to stay on course. You will be even more beautiful once you start losing weight. Start today and you will be excited every day throughout these four months instead of being anxious
And once more, remember - you will be gorgeous, no matter how it goes
I can understand why you feel self conscious and upset because of your weight. But let me tell you this, you're getting married. That is the most amazing and beautiful thing that 2 people can ever do together! What you look like is not the reason why you're walking down the isle, what you look like isn't why people will be attending - it's to witness 2 people making a life long bond together. Your family and friends will be so proud of you, they'll be so happy that there won't even be room left to think about how much you weigh.
You need to start thinking positively about your wedding. If you're dreading it, then it's quite simply not going to be the happiest day of your life. Your fiance loves you, he wouldn't be marrying you otherwise. Physical appearances doesn't matter when you're in love - so remember you're putting on that dress for him and no one else. And guess what? You are going to look gorgeous to him, because of what the wedding means to him and to you.
You didn't lose the weight in time for your wedding, that's too bad. But you just cannot dwell on it. It happened, it's time to move forward and keep going. Will it make your fiance love you less? No. It won't. So be happy you're marrying a loyal, committed man who doesn't give a cr@p about what that number on the scale says and get excited to put on a dress that you'll look amazing in.
This might seem like harsh advice, but it's what I would do if it were me. I would postpone the wedding further and do EVERYTHING in my power to get some weight off so I could *feel* beautiful at my wedding. I have no doubt that you will look beautiful at any weight, but for me, I would not be able to take getting into a wedding dress in my current body.Weddings are supposed to be happy, joyous occasions and I wouldn't want that tarnished because I can't stop thinking about how fat I feel. I can somewhat relate to how you feel. I've had many a special event ruined because I couldn't stop thinking about my weight.
It is a stressful thing to think about! It's supposed to be one of the happiest day of your life, and how can you be comfortable if you're not comfortable in your own body? It's frustrating!! Don't push the wedding back!!! Like what the others have said, you have 4 months! Pick some sort of weight loss plan and stick religiously to it for the next 4 months. You won't be at your goal weight, but you'll be lower than currently are, and you'll feel better already!! Plus you'll already be 4 months into your plan that even after the wedding, it'll be motivation to keep going because of the results you've already seen!
This wedding will be the next chapter in your life...how about making that chapter also healthy? Start new habits with your hubby...make healthy dinners together, or take an evening walk every day together. Or even though you weren't where you wanted to be for your wedding, aim for your first year anniversary! That's special in itself!!
Keep your chin up. It is frustrating, but there are so many more things to look forward to!
I understand how you feel.. I weighed about 170 when my hubby and I started dating.. here we are around 6 years later and I got up to 240 at my heaviest. Just remember this is YOUR day... it only happens once.. this is about the love you and your hubby to be have for eachother.. I agree with the others when they say start on a plan and stick with it.. don't go on a diet but work on changing your lifestyle.. don't change the wedding.. you will be beautiful.. don't think different!
This might seem like harsh advice, but it's what I would do if it were me. I would postpone the wedding further and do EVERYTHING in my power to get some weight off so I could *feel* beautiful at my wedding. I have no doubt that you will look beautiful at any weight, but for me, I would not be able to take getting into a wedding dress in my current body.Weddings are supposed to be happy, joyous occasions and I wouldn't want that tarnished because I can't stop thinking about how fat I feel. I can somewhat relate to how you feel. I've had many a special event ruined because I couldn't stop thinking about my weight.
I hate to be combative on here, but this is freaking awful advice. Your wedding is not about your weight. It's about you and your husband-to-be spending the rest of your lives together. Not to be rude, but he already knows you're fat, and he still loves you and thinks your beautiful and wants to marry you. Everyone you know will think you look happy and beautiful. It would be a shame to put off a joyful and meaningful event because of insecurities that are, honestly, kind of irrelevant to the whole thing.
Last edited by BigChiefHoho; 01-29-2012 at 10:25 AM.
WHAT about your pending union is freaking you out with dread?
Quote:
I'm SUPER self conscious and I am just dreading that day because I know it won't be filled with the right kind of thoughts... it will be filled with me worried about how fat and ugly I look.
If you are powerful enough to decide NOW what you will think on your wedding day and have the power to pick, why are you picking bad thoughts?
Instead of thinking things that beat up on yourself... think about breaking down your anxieties to specific things and not a general "All is doom!" and finding workounds for those specific things.
Make peace. Ok, you wanted to lose weight and didn't lose as much. That's totally fine. Can still continue to work on it before AND after wedding. Not a biggie. Don't get stuck here. It's not the end of the world and you have other fish to dry. Onward!
Is it the SIZE of the wedding and the eyes on you? You have time to get proactive about it.
Remember it is HALF the load. Groom has half the eyes on him. Tell him to think about taking an extra 10% on him for the team. If you can laugh and keep your humor, it will help. Honest.
If possible, change the size of wedding so it is smaller. If too late, make peace with that part and check it off the list.
Take a shyness class -- a friend of mine took one at the library and she said it really did a lot for her self esteem and being out in front of people.
Go meet all the new relatives NOW so there aren't any "strangers" to meet at the day of the wedding. Throw a BBQ or something. Get the moms to handle it. There. No work for you.
Is the nerves of "OMG! Marriage! HUGE step!"
See about taking "Gonna get married class." It's not just at churches -- often there's something at libraries or extension county offices.
Go get married NOW at City Hall with just a few peeps. Then maybe the churchy wedding part won't seem so scary because you are already legally married!
Dress shopping feel overwhelming?
Send Mom out with a mission to locate an nice empire waist dressing with some sleeve. Like Top 5 choices. Tell her what you like -- no lace, yes lace, etc. Maybe even draw a sketch to get her in the ballpark.
Is this wedding big enough for bridesmaids?
Ok, make it easy. Pick 3 colors, have the bridesmaids pick the final one they like best or can live with as a group and say -- hurray! Now go pick out whatever dress and shoes you all like best for your bodies so long as it is the same color. Go team!
Sometimes anticipation and making tempest in your mind over it is WORSE than just making a decision and acting.
Let go of the expectation that it should be "THE happiest day of your life" and start thinking of it like "One of my many happy moments" instead.
Then you aren't pressuring yourself to live up to some crazy expectation and adding extra stress to yourself.
Let go of the expectation that it should be "THE happiest day of your life" and start thinking of it like "One of my many happy moments" instead.
Then you aren't pressuring yourself to live up to some crazy expectation and adding extra stress to yourself.
hugs
A.
This. I cannot echo this enough. I encourage you to do whatever it takes to not let the pressure, anxiety, and expectation of this day overshadow it. It's your wedding day though, right? Easier said than done, I know.
I also strongly enourage some pre-marital counseling. I had some big-time family issues going into my wedding, but sitting down with a counselor (as required by our officient anyway) was such a tremendous help during a stressful time. You hit a point in the planning process where stuff just isn't in your control anymore and it's time to focus on the moment and meaning of that special day. I think talking it out can help you get to that point.
Aside from that, I do recommend continuing to work out and eat well if that's what you're doing. It will help you feel great on that day and beyond, no matter what size the dress is.
You know, looking back on my wedding day I had lots of hang-ups. I sprained my ankle the night before and couldn't wear heels so my dress dragged on the ground. Right before I walked down the aisle, some pollen from my flowers left a bright orange stain in the middle of my dress. There were moments where I thought, "Man. I make an AWFUL bride!"
I make a great wife though And as ridiculous as I felt in those moments, the only memory of how I looked that matters now is my husband's- he talks all the time about the moment he saw me across the courtyard and how perfect and stunning I looked. I suspect your future husband feels the same way.
I weighed 180lb when my hubby and I started dating, and by the time we went to get married I was at my heaviest ever 290lb. I wish I would of been more disciplined back then to lose 30 or so lb before the wedding as my doctor suggested when I saw her 5mo. before we got married. Im sure I could have but I dont think I was emotionally ready for my weight loss journey back then as I am now. I was also afraid of feeling ugly in my dress and waited until literally the last minute to buy one(like a week before the wedding-bad I know). I will admit that I knew I was large in my dress but I was able to find a beautiful dress that fit my shape great. I wasn't as happy as I could of been I know, but I still felt beautiful none the less.
When I finally started to lose weight the first thing I thought was to redo my wedding photos because my face has become noticeably smaller especially my double chin. I also hated looking at myself. As I go along though, the more I come to terms with the fact that I was beautiful in those photos and that changing the pictures on my wall so I don't have to see the "fat" me wont change anything. Those photos only captures a small percent of the larger picture of two people dedicating themselves to each other for the rest of their life. Ive come to terms with myself and my weight and I love me at any weight, but the healthier me is better.
I know this doesn't really help you, but I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel. There is a dress shape out there for every body type, and you still have a few months to try and lose some weight and I know the members here at 3FC are more then willing to help encourage you and keep you on track. I think if you pushed yourself just a little bit and even if you only lose 10-20lb you will feel so much better about yourself.
I understand how you feel. Any time we don't feel comfortable in our body, and we know all eyes will be on us - it's a difficult thing to face. I think everyone here can relate. However, please keep in mind:
- In the end, this day is about you and your soon-to-be-husband. I remember when I was getting fitted for my gown, I told the woman that I hadn't lost weight like I wanted and she tole me "Listen, he asked you to marry him knowing full well what you looked like, right? He obviously thinks you are beautiful and who are you to argue with him?" And she was right. Your fiance loves you, and when he sees you walking down that aisle, he's going to think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Who else do you need to impress but the one guy who is pledging to spend the rest of his life with you? Trust him, believe him when he says that he loves you and thinks you are beautiful.
- I've been to a lot of weddings, and I have seen a lot of brides. I have seen thin brides and curvy brides, and all sorts of in between. The only ugly brides that I have ever seen are the ones that let the pressure of the day get to them and they act like total jerks. The brides that look the most beautiful are the ones that are relaxed, smiling and enjoying their day and all the people who have come to share it with them. Trust me, wedding day beauty has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with how the bride conducts herself.
- As someone else here said, I will totally agree... this is ONE DAY of your marriage. Is it important? Yes. Is it a good one? Hopefully! But it's only one day. I've been married over 4 years, and I have been together with my husband for 11 years. We have had wonderful days in our marriage that have far surpassed our wedding day in terms of awesomeness. Heck, some of those awesome days have happened when we're in PJs and didn't even leave the house, lol. And we had a great wedding! But weddings have seemingly grown out of control, and I think a lot of people tend to forget that it really is just one day in your whole life.
I promise, you will be beautiful. Just enjoy your day, and spend as much of it as possible smiling and laughing with your new husband and all the people you love. Two years after I got married, I finally did drop a bunch of weight. And I remember trying on my wedding dress and laughing because I thought it was pretty cool how far I had come.
I recently got married in October. At the time, I was pretty much at my highest weight. I went from having my dress be slightly too big, and if I lost more i would have had to take my dress in. Over time though, I started to gain again, so much that I had to have my dress taken *out*. I wasn't too happy.
But by the time my wedding came around (and I did consider pushing it back) I just didn't care. I felt so beautiful and I was just so happy and my wedding was so gorgeous and special and my husband said I was the only thing he could see that day. And that I've never looked more beautiful.
Oh, and we are planning on doing one year wedding anniversary photos too around the city we live in (we got married in southern california). It's definitely something you can do too. You can also have a one-year anniversary party as well, and wear a white dress and renew your vows.
I know planning a wedding can be scary and the scariest part is the dress. You want to look and feel amazing for those photos you will keep forever. I was my all time heaviest on my wedding day and looking back I just see how happy I looked and the weight didnīt matter so much.
Iīm sure your nervous but you will look stunning at any weight. Donīt stress out these next few months, try to exercise and eat right, but more than anything just enjoy this time!
This might seem like harsh advice, but it's what I would do if it were me. I would postpone the wedding further and do EVERYTHING in my power to get some weight off so I could *feel* beautiful at my wedding
You can be the skinniest person in the world though and still feel ugly. So IMO this isnt about your weight, which will be hard to change in any big way in 4 months, its about how you feel and are going to enjoy your day. Which you can do even if you are bigger than you would like to be.
And remember, its not like you are going to turn up at your wedding and all your close friends and family are going to be shocked at how you look right? I'm pretty sure the people you see regularly that are going to be there are not going to be expecting a 90 lb woman to arrive at the alter So they already know what you look like, they want to come and see you happy and get married and have a lovely day. Which you can have
Overweight bride dreading wedding
And as ridiculous as I felt in those moments, the only memory of how I looked that matters now is my husband's- he talks all the time about the moment he saw me across the courtyard and how perfect and stunning I looked. I suspect your future husband feels the same way.
