why do some family membesr think mean comments will motivate a fat person to lose?
??????
It has been my experience that family members are the meanest and rudest when it comes to commenting on someone's weight. My family is obsessed with weight. When I was young, I was always called fat by my grandmother worst of all, and then my mother. Both of them who were overweight themselves.
I still remember a lot of the remarks they made, even though the bulk of them were over a decade ago. One time, when I was like 9, I remember my mom harping on me about my weight and I asked her why she always harped on me and not my sister, and she replies "because she's not the one with a weight problem!"
The thing is, when I look back at pictures of myself at those ages where they would hound me about being fat, I wasn't even fat! I WISH I looked like that now. Especially in high school--those were ripe times for my family about comments on my weight, but I was NOT fat at all! I had hips and boobs but I was a normal weight! It makes me angry that I could never be happy with my body because I always thought i was fat even when I wasn't. I have NEVER work sleeveless shirts. Even in middle and high school, I thought my arms were too fat and they weren't!
About 2 years ago, when I was in college, I remember wearing a pair of pants that my mom thought were too tight. She said she could see cellulite on the back of my legs. I sobbed and sobbed--even my b*itchy sister sympathized with me on that one. My mom has always struggled with her weight, and she would always say that she didn't want me to suffer the same fate, which I understand, and her comments were her way of trying to motivate me to lose. I asked her if mean and critical comments helped her lose, and she said no, yet continued to criticize me.
And my sister is another story. She is SUCH a b*itch especially when it comes to my weight. She's always called me names, fatso, fatass, and so on. Last year she told me that I would be a virgin for the rest of my life (little did she know, that ship had already sailed) because of my weight.
Aunts, uncles, cousins, have been no different. I have been called fat, and told that I should lose weight by every person in my family at least once. Last year, when my mother passed away suddenly, I didn't eat for 3 days. Suddenly, there was tons of food at the house, as usual when someone dies, and I couldn't stop eating. I remember my uncle's mother (not related to me AT ALL) asked me if I should *really* be eating a peice of pizza.
The thing is, friends and even men have seem to have no problem with my weight at all. Yes, I know I am fat, but I am attractive, and I have even been told as much by many a stranger, male and females alike, EVEN at this, the highest weight of my life. In fact, I would say, I've recieved more male attention NOW that I am just 22lbs shy of 300, than ever in my life. And not from losers either--from smart, attractive, men. Fat does not mean unattractive or undesirable, like my family seems to believe.
I know my family loves and cares about me and doesn't MEAN to hurt my feelings (except maybe, my sister) and only want to help but WHY do they think that making mean remarks is the way to go about it. I've been on this journey almost a month and I can say with absolute certainty that it is not because someone made an insensitive comment abotu my weight.
Last edited by onherweighdown; 10-25-2010 at 12:04 AM.
Hon, if your family is saying mean things and you've told them how hurtful it is - which it seems you have -- I think I'd start spending my time with the "family that you can choose". That is, the friends who will be supportive and gentle and kind. the kind of environment you describe is pretty toxic! All the best to you --
I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that for so many years from family. Yeah, sometimes family can be the worst critics of all, even though they love us. It's still wrong though, in my opinion. When I have children some day and if one of them happens to become a over-weight, I'll be damned if I'll allow myself to treat my child that way. There are other ways to do it, like going outside and playing games with them, going for walks, anything without calling them "fat"....ya know?
Anyway, I agree that big is beautiful too. There are men out there who ADORE beautiful, big women . It's all about how YOU feel about yourself....that's what matters. But with myself, I'm VERY insecure being over-weight. I won't wear a bathing suit without a big tshirt over it, I won't wear a tank top....UGH! It's just very hard to deal with.
I ENVY other big women, some even way bigger than me, who will wear ANYTHING and they look just as beautiful as anyone else and you can tell they KNOW IT. They just don't care. I don't HAVE that kind of confidence . But it's okay, that's something I need to work on
Most of the time, people really aren't trying to be mean, nor do they even think they sound mean or *****y at all (except for your sister, she probably totally realises how mean she sounds). I know I've said things to my little sister before about her wearing too much make up before that to me sounded absolutely helpful, but she claims I'm being mean. I make an effort not to be mean, but you know. It happens sometimes. It sounds like your relatives really aren't listening to you, though, which isn't right at all.
My mom and I get along just fine now, but when I was in elementary school she used to put me through **** because I was a little "chubby". Looking at pictures now, I just looked like a normal little girl, and I was extremely active, but she'd make me skip meals, give everyone more food than me, tell me that I had to lose ten pounds or she wouldn't take us to Disneyland that summer (which she totally never did!), tell the babysitter not to "overfeed" me, even if I was legitimately hungry, etc. It never helped that she's always been fairly tall and thin, and she'd make comments about how clearly I got the "fat genes" from my dad's side of the family. So I totally understand how you feel. ):
Ah family can be like that sometimes. Have you ever sat down with them to explain how the negativity doesn't help at all? If you have, I'd just say keep your distance from them and be around those who will support you in a positive way.
I'd just say keep your distance from them and be around those who will support you in a positive way
I agree to this, just leave them alone for a while, if it is possible for you. Once you are well-adjusted to your diet plan your confidence will help you to withstand all those hurting comments, and if they see that you don't care about what they say anymore, they will eventually give up.
Just be sure to do your thing!
I know how you feel. I am in college and am still living with my parents, my mom has always hounded me about my weight. It always really hurt my feelings. And my Dad has even started doing it! Diabetes runs in our family, and he always tells me I probably already have it, even though he won't take me to the doctor to get tested. (I don't have any insurance and a minimum wage job that I can only work at part time because of college- which is where all my income goes anyways.) Granted, I am overweight, but I'm only 18... I hope I don't have diabetes. I never even worried until my dad started saying that. Now it is like, a constant fear in my life.
Did we grow up in the same house... with the same family????
I had the SAME exact life!
I'm not kidding...
I have been so pissed off for the past few years because I didn't enjoy myself the way I was in high school because of the complexes they gave me about being fat. I was BEAUTIFUL and perfectly normal in high school... but I cried every day when I came home from school because I thought I was FAT
Absofreakinglutely. I have a motto when it comes to that.. just because we're family doesn't mean we need to be friends. I disowned about half my family for 3-4 years. I am back in touch with them now and things are better. I see them a couple times a year and we keep in touch via facebook and all that. But homie don't play any of that bring-me-down ****. Life is too short. Being a relative is no excuse to get away with treating someone like ****. Nope.
Girl you took the words right out of my mouth! We have a motto in my family (my parents and siblings) I love you, but I don't have to like you. And just because they are your family doesn't mean you have to be subjected to such cruel critiscms, you're a grown a** woman! When I was a little girl (and a teenager) and I live by their rules, when they got to talkin that noise I had to shut up and listen, but now that I'm an adult and on my own, paying my bills and living my life, they get the swift hand up anda nice, "I really don't want to hear this right now" or I'm quick to hang up on somebody. Life is too damn short for all of that nonsense.
My mom is exactly the same. I don't have a sister my age, but my older brother deffinetly like your sister. He says mean things to me so often that my 3 younger siblings (all younger than 11) are starting to say them too.
I know how you feel. I am in college and am still living with my parents, my mom has always hounded me about my weight. It always really hurt my feelings. And my Dad has even started doing it! Diabetes runs in our family, and he always tells me I probably already have it, even though he won't take me to the doctor to get tested. (I don't have any insurance and a minimum wage job that I can only work at part time because of college- which is where all my income goes anyways.) Granted, I am overweight, but I'm only 18... I hope I don't have diabetes. I never even worried until my dad started saying that. Now it is like, a constant fear in my life.
AbstractSilver, is there a free clinic in your area? My university has a health care plan to help cover drug costs, etc., how about yours? I live in Canada, which I know is different, but it wouldn't hurt to see if your college offers such a plan. Have you looked into social plans? I hope you don't have diabetes, but it would be better than being worried all the time. Sorry, I hope my suggestions aren't useless, as I've mentioned I come from a different country.
I agree with a lot of the posts here. Just because someone is family doesn't give them the right to say whatever they want with no consequences. I would stay clear of them if you can, no one deserves that kind of treatment!
I agree with "I love you, but I don't have to like you." Perfect saying for those mean family members!
Last edited by LindseyLou; 10-25-2010 at 10:58 PM.
Negative comments seem to be a " family " thing as I get negative from my Mother who loves to rub it in my face that she has been " lighter " then me for years ... though she is overweight herself ! She also loves to make negative comments about people that have lost weight and how they will never keep it off !! I think it makes her feel superior to those around her ! I also have a nasty MIL that likes nothing better then to point out that I am FAT ( yes right to my face ! ) and that SIL is so discouraged that she can't lose weight ( yeah , those late night trips to Denny's will do that ! ) ..... Do these people really think we LIKE to be the shape we are in and need to point out the excess weight ? I love that saying " I love you , but I don't have to like you ! " Negative comments hurt regardless to where they are coming from ! They do NOT help !
Last edited by grammajiggles; 10-26-2010 at 01:21 AM.
why do some family membesr think mean comments will motivate a fat person to lose?
. It's all about how YOU feel about yourself....that's what matters. But with myself, I'm VERY insecure being over-weight. I won't wear a bathing suit without a big tshirt over it, I won't wear a tank top....UGH! It's just very hard to deal with. 
Love it! 
