this is a rant.
ooo i'm so sick of the same old same old tell your kids to make their bed, blah, blah...
i know i was the same way. i STILL need to be reminded to get the house in shape.
but why can't the kids(and some husbands) just take the warnings i give instead of waiting till i cant stop screaming? or oh no, the sky would fall if i actually just woke up (on the weekend) and thought to myself, my room is messy. i'll just get it over with, get the cleaning done then do blank.
even if that never happens, they could at least listen at the first or second reminder. goodness and its not going to get any better. the boys are only 7 and 9. jeez.
Last edited by katy trail; 10-10-2010 at 07:29 PM.
Reason: warning:this is a rant
My kids did not at that age. If they did the chores, it was with a sulky face and done as quickly possible and usually sloppily done. I did a lot of yelling. I also sometimes would try a reward system. Or a competition between the two (who could clean their bathroom the best, for example - that actually worked fairly well for my kids anyway. I was pretty inconsistant in how I coped though: yelling, bribing, and sometimes I just did it myself. But I will say that now that they are 18 and 14, they do ok. I don't get the big sulks and they will most of the time do a decent job, if not as good as I want. So hopefully it will get better for you.
OMG!! I'm going through the exact same thing!! My kids and husband rarely help with housework. I usually get to the point of being totally overwhelmed by their messes ('cause they are ALSO bad at even picking up their own messes!) and then I just lose it. Last week was one of those times. I had work work worked on the house. I had it SO NICE. I took a nap that ended up lasting most of the afternoon, and when I woke up the house was destroyed. I mean DESTROYED. My husband had cooked and spilled stuff everywhere and didn't put anything away, the kids had toys everywhere, the dog had chewed up toilet paper and had gone wee right outside of my bedroom door (which I stepped in upon leaving my room) and everyone was just sitting around watching TV. It didn't sink in until I burst into tears and hubby got off his butt and helped me clean. We're doing a chores list now, and my son is 5 and Haaaaaaates it. But, if he wants to have tv time he has to do his chores. And for every time he tells me no, or throws a fit, he loses 5 min of that time.
Maybe try a reward/punishment thing. I'll let you know how it works for me! LOL
i still go by the FlyLady 15 minute rule. What can i accomplish in 15 minutes?! if you get them going they can probably finish most things in that time frame.
also this was really hard for me- but the good enough rule. It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be done by me- it can be just good enough. the pressure i was putting on myself was ridiculous- and then i'd take it out on my husband. he grew up in filth, i grew up in pack rat land... he went one way, i went another. he's okay in filth- but i am certainly not.
i do it myself. if he helps, i don't complain about how he does something and ya know what? he keeps doing it if i leave him alone.
after i freak out on the kids, they try to help and listen.
i have a hard time getting them to listen. just saying it or warning them to do something is often just not responded to at all. so trying to drill into them, when that happens...they are choosing for me to scream and all that.
keep telling the kids to put their dishes away when they're done eating. i was just reminding them or doing it myself. past few days i hold their ear, old school style, bringing them back to the mess. eventually....they will get tired of that.
using a timer sometimes helps. sometimes a race helps.
they don't have trouble listening to their dad. where i can't stop talking. he talks rarely, but darn it it's important when he's talking. he won't stand for being ignored. so trying not to let it happen so much to me either.
dh has been really good lately about helping. he's making less messes, and just finished cleaning out a horrendous room. it was more like a storage room, completely cluttered.
we also come from different backrounds. his mom has alot of stuff, but it doesn't look cluttered and cleanliness is very important.
i grew up with a packrat alot of my childhood. I'm finally, trained i guess, that a clear counter with nothing on it, looks clean. Less like an alien concept. I still have alot of work to do though.
I come from a background where if we wanted ANYTHING clean, even clothes, we either did it ourselves or it just wouldn't get done, as my mom didn't clean or pick up at all. It was bad. Hubby comes from a house where mom did all the work, even cleaned his room for him, and so he never really developed the habit of cleaning up after himself. I mean, once he gets in the mood to help, he's VERY helpful, he just has to get to that point, kwim?
I've also noticed that the kids listen to their dad better. I think in my case, (not sure about your situation) it's because I'm a stay at home mom and they hear me more. Kinda like they get used to hearing me talk, so they just tune me out until I yell. I want to stop yelling so much, I mean SHEESH! who wants to spend the better part of their day telling someone 50 thousand times to pick up their clothes?! So I'm working on it. I'm getting better at telling them twice, then physically stopping them from doing what they are doing to go pick up or do what I asked them to.
for starters i think kids like to get a rise out of you. they want to see you lose your cool, it's like they're testing to see how far they can push you.
i took a training course in dealing with upset people for a job i had once- and basically the quieter and calmer you are the better. i think this could work well with dealing with them too. instead of screaming and getting upset just looking at them and quietly telling them what you expect might work instead. if they start whining, b*tching, groaning... just look at them and say nothing. or repeat yourself even more quietly because it'll force them to shut up and listen.
if all else fails i hear daily beatings might work. haha i joke...
I think my kids like to get me upset...I tend to do it myself also. It needs to be done..I am actually starting some counseling so maybe she can help me change my ways. My kids are older 16, 14 and 11. Oldest girls, younges is a boy. I worked 8 hours one sat cleaning my son's room and since that time, he has done a great job of keeping it clean. I have done this to my girls room before but I feel that they are old enough now, I shouldn't have to do that! My husband works nights and sleeps during the day so I cant say a lot about my own room. But the rest of the house??? I really just want to chunk everything in the garbage!
will they ever learn?
I love that site!
Hubby comes from a house where mom did all the work, even cleaned his room for him, and so he never really developed the habit of cleaning up after himself. I mean, once he gets in the mood to help, he's VERY helpful, he just has to get to that point, kwim?
