So I am having a really tough semester, ladies. No matter how positive I try to be, everything seems to go wrong. My car wouldn't start when I had to go to work last week. My boyfriend was a total jerk to me tonight. I'm falling behind on weight loss. I have way too much to do. A teacher who told me he was teaching a class next semester inspired me to double major and get two degrees in the spring and now he's not teaching that class. Etc. I would say that at least 85% of it is out of my control.
And no matter how happy and positive I try to be each day, it seems I become extremely angry at least once a week now over something that happens that's out of my control (or occasionally something I caused myself). I am not used to this as I am usually a positive, happy person, so I was wondering how do you deal with anger? So far, my only ways have been venting to family and friends, yelling at the person if it's a person I'm angry at, and eating, which of course sets me back in my weight loss goals.
I need better ways to deal with this anger since apparently it is going to keep happening. Ideas?
It really sounds like something has to give. You've put an enormous amount of pressure on yourself. I've gotta give credit for the ambition, but there's definitely a price to pay. Until you can trim down your responsibilities, have you considered meditation? Or just taking some time out for a brisk walk? If I'm really upset, I try to walk it off if I can. I've learned that I have to make time to deal with the stress or it just builds up and erupts like a volcano. Good luck.
It seems to me that your anger comes from stress and frustration. Which makes sense if it's mostly out of your control. I'm sure you know what practical solutions would help-for me it was scheduling everything to the last second, asking my friends/boyfriend for more support, taking my course load down a bit.
What helped me the most was really exercise. Instead of emotionally investing in weight loss, maybe shift your focus to working out. A while back I started this thing where every time I got stressed, I took 5 minutes and did as many jumping jacks as I could or if I had a bit longer a half-hour run or something. Not only does it get rid of physical stress symptoms (my shoulders were FOREVER hunched and I had back pain from clenching all my muscles) but the endorphins kick in and give you a little natural high.
After a while of turning to exercise, I could tell when I got super stressed out because I suddenly wanted to go for a run or jump rope or do some sort of physical activity that would get me worn out and sweaty.
And a HUGE plus is it will help with your weight loss. Keep me updated as I was in the same boat in uni (double major, 18 credit hours, president of a club, member of like 4 others, honors courses, etc.) and if I can give you any advice I would be happy to do so.
Loud, angry music (on headphones if you have roommates) and a punching bag helped me out...usually a couple songs, followed by more mellow music and some stretching. For awhile, I worked for a boss who I couldn't stand - he was typically kind and respectful to me, but not to my colleagues, and I would get extremely angry at the work environment he was creating. I spoke to him quite frankly multiple times, and we pursued professional recourse as a staff - but it took years! In the meantime, on days when it was just too much, I'd blast angry music on the drive home, spend some time with a stand-alone punching bag named after my boss (about $100), and then stretch/do yoga until I was calm enough to let it go (at least for that day) - Eventually, things did mellow, and I gave away my punching bag to a teenager who needed it more than I did
Thanks for the tips! Exercise seems to be a common theme, which would definitely aid in my weight loss instead of eating and hindering my weight loss.
I have not tried meditation, but somethings I do stop and take a few deep breaths and sometimes that helps. I think a punching bag would probably be more my course of action, but I definitely don't have $100. Maybe I can put that on my Christmas list.
I can't drop anything. Well, actually I can, but I already did. I was doing a book club this semester that I just dropped, and I haven't been to any of my films committee meetings for the student union in awhile, but I would like to go back when time permits. Otherwise, everything else is crucial, unfortunately.
But thanks for the tips! One of the angering things is my job because almost all of the people I like to work with have quit, gotten fired, or transferred to another store. But I have an interview with Blockbuster on Wednesday. That would be closer to where I live (like 2 minutes away, if that), pay better, and the manager seemed really awesome over the phone. So hopefully that will work out and one of the angering things will disappear.
I use a combination of loud angry music, and calm, quiet music. One lets me vent, while the other just calms me down. I also tend to vent out in art work, playing video games, or like many others have suggested, working out.
I also usually ride my motor bike around the local area just to get away for a bit, but the bike has since needed some repairs. Plus, winter is coming up soon.
Run. It's the best feeling ever and it kicks *** and the angrier I am, the harder I run. I know I'm a newbie but after a good month of this anger management I am down more than a few pounds. HTH!
Your story sounds exactly like my life 3 years ago. I was in college (a double major) and everything blew up in my face at the same time, guy problems, roommate issues, school problems and much more. Burnt out and running on empty I couldn’t cope with my emotions. This led to a meltdown which ruined my GPA but was the best thing that ever happened to me. This is what I wish I knew 3 years ago.
“I would say that at least 85% of it is out of my control.” You can only gain control when you give it up. Relax and believe that things will work out the way they are supposed to. When you stop trying to force things to happen they work out better than you could have ever imagined. One of my favorite quotes is “anything forced into manifestation through personal will is ‘ill got’ and has ever bad success.” Florence Scovel Shinn.
Also one of the best lessons in Eckhart Tolle’s books is that you can only do something well and “create beautifully” when you are fully present and your action is effortless. When you exert effort you are doing something out of ego. Now in graduate school I read journal articles for class and make a conscious effort to let it be effortless. I don’t stress and just enjoy the process. I WISH I knew how to do this as an undergrad rather than forcing myself to study and freaking out. Now when I get flustered I take a deep breath and tell myself that the work is supposed to be effortless (although it still takes time and energy).
Take good care of your anger (and all of your negative emotions). Do NOT distract yourself from a state of negative energy (ie watch TV, listen to music etc) this just pushes it down farther rather than releasing it. When you are angry do everything you can to be alone with your anger. Do not yell at the person you are angry with (this accomplishes nothing). Anger is your baby, a mother drops everything to tend to a crying baby because that is the most important thing in her world. When you are angry taking care of your anger is the most important thing in your world. It is also one of the most important things you can do to protect the people you care about.
Simple breathing exercises are VERY effective. Breathe in “I know I am angry” breath out “I am taking good care of my anger” Recognizing your emotions is the first step towards letting them go. 5 minutes of this is usually enough to calm down but it may take longer. Once you are calm you need to recognize that no matter what caused your anger, it was your fault. You have a seed of anger inside you and not everyone faced with your problems would react with anger.
Do NOT vent to the people around you. It just makes things worse. Deal with your anger yourself.
I recommend maybe trying to not do as much, lose weight slower if you have to maybe drop a class, getting less done is better than melting down and getting nothing done.
I highly recommend the books “A new earth” by Tolle and “Anger: wisdom for cooling the flames” by Hahn. The Hahn book was written by a Buddhist monk and offers a lot of simple very effective ways to manage your emotions. It changed my life and I re-read sections of if every week. Make emotional growth a priority and spend whatever time you can (even if it’s 10 min every other day) reading books (or doing things) that facilitate this growth. Learning how to manage your emotions is a very worthwhile endeavor and most people do not know how to do it.
I've been dealing with some major stress this year myself (buying my first house, starting a new job - and dealing with some stressful turnover at said job - planning my wedding, dealing with a house fire in the neighboring townhouse a week after the wedding that killed my neighbor and damaged the house we just bought...), and there's seriously nothing like a good workout to clear my mind.
Personally, I prefer to take dance classes over anything else. It's very absorbing mentally, and I go to a great studio with girls who remind me that there's more to who I am than the person I have to be at work.
And honestly, a vodka cranberry or a glass of red wine at the end of the day does wonders to take the edge of a stressful day. I'm definitely not advocating drinking to excess or drinking to replace solving problems that you need to deal with. Just that there are some problems you can't make go away on your own, and a (single) drink can help you to relax while you're dealing with the stress
I find that exercise helps a lot and being physical can release a lot of the tension and anger, especially turning the intensity up on the treadmill or stepper or just running outside and blasting music on the ipod
I'm sorry you have so much to deal with! I agree with the others, that a hard sweaty workout helps and you might feel nicely drained afterwards; plus regular exercise helps your overall mood.
but sometimes eruptions happen. I went off on a FairPoint Comm. operater the other day because she was snarky to me.
( I hope the FairPoint Comm operator is not a 3FC member )
I cry. In fact, I rarely RARELY cry when I'm sad, just when I'm frustrated or angry.
When I'm really good and ticked off, I work out. If nothing else, I go for a looooong walk and take one or both of our dogs with me. I tend to listen to angry music too.
I am going to throw another voice into the exercise camp. ESPECIALLY when things are out of control, exercising (very physical - heavy weights, an interval run, or my personal favorite, a kickboxing video) seems to help me. I can control it, I can work out some of the anger, and I'm doing something productive.
What do you do when you're angry?
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