Yesterday afternoon I was helping my 9 year old with her homework wearing a tank top and running pants. (I was going to take a jog after her work was done) I went to pull my hair back and she made a comment about the stretch marks I have under my arms and the "loose" skin that just hangs there like bat wings. She asked me why my arms were like that and she said it was gross. She did this right in front of my fiance' who already knows how insecure I get.
I know she is just a child, but it really hurt my feelings. I felt embarassed and miserable, and I still do. I hardly wear sleevless to begin with, and I just felt like I got punched in the gut.
The fact that all of my fiance's ex girlfriends had bikini bodies make me cringe too. I will never be able to sport a bikini unless I get surgery, which I don't see happening in my life.
I just had to vent. It doesn't matter your size, we all have flaws, even the ones that hide it well. *sigh*
What did you say to her? Sometimes kids just don't realize they can be hurtful. I once asked my mom's friend why she was fat when I was a child- my mom was so embarassed but I really wanted to know! I'd never seen someone her size before.
I'm guessing you already do this but I found that weight lifting really has helped my sagging skin
Wow, 9 seems awfully old to still be that insensitive... i used to get those questions from my two and four year old girls I was nannying, but I taught them to be nice without reprimanding them.
I was thinking 'kick in the gut', but yeah, that had to hurt! After all you've lost!
Your finance obviously loves you for you... and that's just lovely
Gotta hang on to the good stuff!
I remember when I was a kid in the 80's, a mascara commercial was on TV with Christie Brinkley, first not wearing any mascara, then with.
My brother and his friends said "Wow, what a DOG" to the no-mascara look. It was Christie freakin Brinkely I felt so defeated as I knew I'd never be as good looking, and they were calling her a DOG
In college when I was running on a daily basis and pretty much an ideal weight I was jogging around the perimeter of the campus and some kids said something about my jiggle (not in a good way)! To this day many years later I remember it clearly. I think those of us who have had weight issues have a pretty flimsy bandade over the pain at times. Look at how far you have come and hang on to that.
Even though she's just a kid, I know it still hurts. I remember when I was a freshman in high school and had my first big weight gain and my younger sister (around 8 or 9 at the time) asked me what the big red marks were on my stomach. She said they looked like worms. That was pretty hurtful, especially since I didn't completely understand the big red marks on my stomach either.
It doesn't matter if your husband's ex-girlfriends had bikini bodies - he's marrying YOU!
P.S. I see your posts all the time, and your weight loss is such an inspiration - congratulations.
I have a nine and ten year old...they don't think yet. And they're at a bit of a mean age. At this stage, she's not telling you you're gross, she's making sure you're aware of something she's noticed. Like "Mom, in case you haven't noticed, you have hair." That kind of thing. Or my favorite recent trend from my 10 year old is, "Mom, in case you haven't noticed, you are dumber than a rock." This too shall pass.
I bet your fiance barely took notice of the comment, and if anything, he faults HER not you.
Oh don't feel bad. Kids really don't understand these things. My 11 year old son has asked me about my arms too. It went kind of like this:
Son: Ewww Mom, why are your arms like that?
Me: Well, since I have lost weight, the fat cells shrank but the skin cells haven't.
Son: Ohhh...will it EVER go away?
Me: Maybe some of it, but it'll probably be noticeable for the rest of my life.
Son: Can a Doctor fix it?
Me: Probably...but for lots and lots of money...your college fund might cover it OR I could gain weight and they would fill back up with fat.
Son: OH NO...DON'T DO THAT!
Me: Don't do what? Use your college fund or get fat again?
Son: NEITHER!!
I'm still pulling my jaw up from the floor over your announcement that you have a nine-year-old.
Looking at the "after" picture in the avatar, my guess is that you are one of those medical marvels & you gave birth to her when you were about 10 years old.
You're beautiful.
But you're human. You have a body. Some parts of human bodies are gross-looking. Even on beautiful women. I mean, we are really smart animals, and some of us are less hairy than animals (and some of us have to work a lot at that) but we have animalistic parts. There are veins, wrinkles, folds, weird-colored parts, moles, wild dark hairs. I remember the point in my childhood when I realized this. I think that may be the real cause of your daughter's bluntness. She's realizing what the human body is like, and that she's got one, her mother's got one, etc., and she's scrutinizing them when she can. If she makes more remarks like this about people, or even about herself, then I think it will be easier for you & you may not take it as personally.
But I do relate. The remarks that hurt the most are ones that reflect things we've thought about ourselves, privately, in that unforgiving way we sometimes do. I guarantee you the bad things you think about yourself are far worse than what your fiance thinks. He just loves you. Please stop thinking those bad things. He would also want you to.
Ladies, thank you so much! You are all right. I'm over reacting, I'm the one beating myself up, and truth be told I need to get over it. I think the reason why it stung so bad was because you know how a child always gives you brutal honesty for the reason that they really don't know any better, or never think before they speak? My perception of her comment was just that, I always noticed my flaws and imperfections. I thought I had embraced it, I've even commented on others how the loose skin "isn't that bad" and I mean that looking at the big picture. Would I rather loose skin, or be over weight again? That's an easy question to answer. I just felt like I had been in denial and I felt icky and "gross" but needless to say, thank goodness I have a big sweater collection for those days that I feel this way.
I really appreciate the support and feedback you have all given me. It was an eye opener, and made me feel better. BIG HUGS to everyone one of you! Thank you for letting me be vulnerable here when I have to keep a straight face most of the time in my personal life.
My son once said something similar to this. I don't remember how old he was, but it was older than 9. He said, "Mom, look at your hands!" I looked at them and said, "What?" I've been told I have pretty hands, so I wasn't expecting his next words: "They look so OLD and wrinkled!".
I was not gracious in my reply. I may have said something like, "They're not too old to knock you into next week!" (Kidding, of course). He wasn't trying to insult me or hurt my feelings. He just noticed that my hands looked wrinkly in comparision with his smooth, young skin and he blurted it out. That's all.
My dad's favorite saying! I've never heard anyone else use it before!! LOL! He was always saying "I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" and "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." The first was generally directed at my brother and the latter to me. Oh, the things we remember.
My dad's favorite saying! I've never heard anyone else use it before!! LOL! He was always saying "I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" and "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." The first was generally directed at my brother and the latter to me. Oh, the things we remember.
His words were just threats, but the way...
Hey, I don't remember seeing you at the dinner table growing up! Those were 2 of my dad's faves as well.
And, GV, my dd went through that brutally honest stage also, and is still somewhat free with her thoughts. I have to keep reminding myself that she's still evolving into the grown woman she will be one day, and hoping that she'll cycle out of this hurtful comment stage. I'm trying to model good behavior, but I'm sure she picked up a lot of it from me critiquing her. You're beautiful, no matter what!
Got a Slap in the Face Yesterday
And they're at a bit of a mean age. At this stage, she's not telling you you're gross, she's making sure you're aware of something she's noticed. Like "Mom, in case you haven't noticed, you have hair." That kind of thing. Or my favorite recent trend from my 10 year old is, "Mom, in case you haven't noticed, you are dumber than a rock." 
I've never heard anyone else use it before!! LOL! He was always saying "I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" and "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." The first was generally directed at my brother and the latter to me. Oh, the things we remember.
Yikes, let's not even go into the torturous things our parents said! 
Those were 2 of my dad's faves as well.