Literaly these past few weeks, Ive binged every day..Im so sick of it, I feel like Im everything "normal" people make fat people to be..I feel like a waste! I know what they say is not true, atleast it cant be right?? Im drained of energy. Im stressed out, Im sick an tired of being fat! Why do I constantly do this to myself? Why give up on someone so important! Myself! I should be worrying about myself but Ive let "me" go unnoticed. I looked at myself everyday in the mirror and after all the damage was done, all the pounds packed on! Now I care? Now its time to change? I should have done this a long time ago. Im tired of this never ending circle I go through. Feeling like Im on top of the world one day and just a few weeks later, Im worse then I was at square one..I hate the powers food has on me. I eat for no reason at all. I catch myself stuffing my face for no reason at all. I just eat and eat and eat. I want to change. Ive wanted to for so long, more then anything. Why cant I just commit and not mess up? Why do I give in? When I know what its doing to me?? I feel like the easy way is to just give up. But I cant, I have to come back and I have to defeat this! Im sick of feeling lower then other people and only because I choose to not take care of myself. From now on I have to change. Im cannot keep doing this! Im scared if I dont, I will just die like an unhealthy lump on a log..Ill just die. I hate being unhappy and having no motivation. I want out of this hole and I want to be free!!! I want my happiness back! I want to be worth it! I want to be released from these chains that hold me still. I will do this!
....Im sorry for whoever this catches off guard, I just had to get this out. I dont know if It will start a topic of conversation or not but Im just tired of giving up on myself..everytime I give into food Im giving up on myself. Why cant i just choose to eat healthy? Why cant my body just feel FULL off of normal portions?? All I want is to look in the mirror and feel beautiful. Inside and out without a doubt in my mind! I stare at myself so much it makes myself sick even looking at my face..even taking pictures in my phone and looking at it over and over again..I dont reconize myself. I hate the person staring back. .
I know it probably doesn't help to know you are NOT alone, but maybe that can be a small comfort. I've learned a lot from reading Geneen Roth's books. Maybe they could help you as well. Keep us posted...good luck
pink, you are not alone. A book that has helped me is the Beck Diet Solution. It is not a book about a particular diet, it is a book that uses cognitive therapy to help you beat back self-destructive behaviors.
I feel like Im everything "normal" people make fat people to be..I feel like a waste!
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I stare at myself so much it makes myself sick even looking at my face..even taking pictures in my phone and looking at it over and over again..I dont reconize myself. I hate the person staring back. .
This stuff resonates with me so much I feel like I could have written it. I'm so ashamed to even exist! Every time I look in the mirror, I get upset. Every time I go to a grocery store, I panic when someone gets behind me in the checkout line. If I happen to be getting something other than health foods, I feel like they're thinking, "Look at that fat girl buying chips" or whatever, and I get so humiliated. I wish I could figure out why it is that way.
You are not alone. I use to binge day after day. And just like you said, one day I'm on top of the world, all reved up, and then I'm back to feeling sub-human. In fact, I still frequently feel rather less than.
I just finished a class for summer school, and my proff was more interested in applying the topic to our lives. Her assignments made me take a look at myself, sounds like some of the books mentioned here might do just that. My proff really got to me, and then I got in further. I still have a very long way to go, but I'm not where I was.
I've just joined this forum and read your post. I'm so sorry you feel this way. Like another person said, I could have written your post. But I know that women have it worse.
I hope that that things go well for you and that you can gain some control. No one deserves to be unhappy. Best wishes and please know that myself and other people who responded here are rooting for you.
I have asked myself these same questions time and time again. The problem was that I didn't answer the questions. I didn't because I asked myself questions that could not be answered. They just left me hanging. The only answer I found to have meaning was taking action. I set up a plan of action, I used all of the tools I knew worked in the past, I eliminated all the ideas that did not work. I followed no one else's plan but the one I designed myself.
After I was well on my way, then I could tackle some of those dang questions. I could answer some of them because I was now secure in my plan that was working. I had something I could fall back on, something positive and welcoming. I never had felt before that my diet was a refuge, a safe place. So when the binge monster started roaring, I had a place to retreat to and think things through. What did the binge monster ever do for me but make me miserable? My diet always made be feel good. When I had that comparison, it made it so much easier to make a choice.
I also feel like I could have written your post. I am SO tired and SO drained of the fight. Honestly, I am on here to try and even find the motivation to continue the fight. I've never felt so big and I know I'm at my highest weight ever. I so hope this community will provide some hope for you and me both!
I have battled to quit smoking for 20 years. I have had so many relapses over the years, but I know I don't want to smoke. So I keep trying.
Battling binge eating is like that for me. I keep trying and I have good weeks and bad weeks. Every morning I get up with the intention not to binge. And sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail.
What helps me is having a structured eating/exercise plan. I can't be trusted to make choices on the fly, so I know what I am going to eat every day. Also, I have had to give up social occasions that are too tempting. If I'm not feeling strong, I don't go out. Or if I don't trust myself at home, I force myself to go out.
I spend a lot of my social time in places without food. For example, I like to go dancing and those places never have food. And I'm dancing which is exercise and that curbs my urge to binge.
Lately I have been having a lot of binges. And I think I have pinpointed it to the computer. Sitting in front of the computer watching tv shows has been really bad for me. I need to take a week off from my internet use & go to bed early.
This is really, really hard. I know it's a battle I must fight every minute of every day.
Good luck and keep up the battle, even if you feel like you are struggling.
Last edited by motivated chickie; 08-09-2010 at 10:09 AM.
Reason: typos
Thanks so much everyone for the responses. I know we can all do this if we just put our minds to it...Ive heard that line so many times, but its true..if you think of someting 100% completely all the time, your bound to do it right?? I wish everyone the best of luck because i know how hard it is..this fight will probably never stop but you can make it better. I just wish that society does more to support overweight and obese people other then making us feel like scum of the earth. To reach out with a helping hand instead of stealing our forks an spoons and slapping us on the wrist and throwing a little insult in there too..(thats just my opinion) Anyways im not sure what else to say, but just never never give up! WE CAN DO THIS!!!
Im fed up..I have a problem
, but maybe that can be a small comfort. I've learned a lot from reading Geneen Roth's books. Maybe they could help you as well. Keep us posted...good luck
