This weekend, I went up to a friend's cabin for the weekend. Beforehand, I asked my friend if I should bring food for the trip. Were we going to eat out? I asked. "No," he answered. "We'll have plenty of food at the cabin."
So I was a little nervous, but I thought surely there would be SOMETHING healthy on the trip, so if nothing else I could manage maintenance over the weekend.
Nope.
ALL, and I do mean ALL, of the food was junk. In fact, there was no FOOD at all, as far as I'm concerned. There were chocolates, Cheez-its, donuts, muffins, cookies, chips, crackers, truffles ... every inch of it processed junk food. That was literally ALL there was, except for ONE bunch of bananas between the six of us. So I did get one banana over the course of the weekend. There were oranges, too, but they turned out to be moldy.
Even worse? There was no clean water to drink, so all I had left to drink was orange juice or alcohol. (I opted for the orange juice.)
I have no driver's license, so I couldn't even drive to the nearest town to get my own food. Realizing this, I panicked -- right there were all my trigger foods, and I couldn't get away from them! For two days!
So, for two days, I alternated between being ravenously hungry, dizzy, and lifeless, to being overstuffed, cramped, and hideously uncomfortable. And the entire time I was incredibly thirsty. At first, I'll admit, I was excited about getting to eat those "forbidden" foods. By Saturday morning, I was utterly depressed and couldn't wait to get back to all my regular food. I hated every bit of that junk food, and even more, I hated the out-of-control feeling I had all weekend. I binged. I know I did. I tried not to, but all that food right there in front of my face all weekend was more than I had strength for.
I'm fairly sure that all the work I've done so far is now blown.
On Friday, I weighed 141.8 pounds. I weighed myself when I got back tonight, and I weighed 146.5. That would put me almost RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED (see my ticker). Maybe the weight will go down a little over the next couple days -- I'll have to see.
But I am so frustrated and despondent and so, so depressed. I know I just need to pick myself up and keep going, but it has taken me two or three months to lose the weight I have so far. The thought that I have gained it all back in two days is more than I can stomach right now. I'm looking in the mirror and I swear I see fat I didn't see two days ago. I feel so gross and I think I look gross, too. I feel like crying.
I really needed to get this out. There's nobody in my real life I can talk about all this with, because none of my "real life" friends know that I struggle with food issues. And none of them are dieting, so I just don't feel like they'll understand how big of a setback this feels for me. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe I fell into all my old habits, and then some. I can't believe how much I failed, and it feels insurmountable right now. Maybe I'm just being dramatic, but I don't know how to deal with this.
You probably didn't gain all that weight- it's likely a LOT of water weight- you have probably had a lot of sodium and like you said, no water. It's also the night- so I'm sure the damage isn't that bad. Give yourself a few days of healthy eating, exercising and plenty of water- and you will be losing before you know it.
Unfortunately eating junk is a lot more socially acceptable than taking the time to prepare healthy meals- so trips away with friends are always going to be a struggle. At least it was only the weekend, so you know next time to bring lots of healthy back ups- just in case!
I do know exactly how you feel, but don't be too discouraged. You have to eat to survive- and you did the best you could with what you had this weekend. You're human! Eating healthy is going to taste so good this week! Good luck Skyra!
This is a good experience and can give you a future guideline for unexpected situations. Next time, remember to prepare and bring your own food and water or be insistent on knowing what foods will be available to eat.
Those who have food allergies never take for granted where and what their next meals will be. Try to adopt that care and concern for your meals down the road. I am doing that and it has helped me ward off some eating situations where I was at the mercy of someone else's idea of food. (junk).
I think it is also a good time to keep note of the cause and effect of this type of food and especially how it makes you feel afterwards. The pleasure part last briefly, the down side lasts so much longer!
Good that it is over with and you can eat as you prefer! Best wishes.
There are people who eat like responsible adults & are aware of the consequences of what they put into their bodies, and there are people who eat like they are still children & indulge in goodies all of the time. Now you know what category these friends belong to, when a social event is planned, and that you need to depend entirely on yourself to hold to your own rules for living. You didn't know that before, but you will be prepared the next time.
You deal with this by doing exactly what you said...pick yourself up and keep on going. But feel your feelings first (as cheesy as that sounds). It's okay to feel depressed, angry with yourself, sad. Feel them and move on. Drink lots and lots of water. Going two days without water is of course going to make you retain water like crazy! And our night-time weights are always higher than our morning weights! I second what dragonfly said...exercise, eat healthy, and drink water for a couple days before getting on the scale again.
I wish I could offer advice on how to handle weekends like this in the future, but I honestly probably would have done exactly what you did. I think it can be impossible to fight the junk and maintain your willpower when your surrounded by your trigger foods. So, please, feel those feelings, but don't beat yourself up or think you're a failure. You are human, and that's okay, you don't have to be (will never be!) perfect. After all, you'd never learn anything if you never made a mistake! And no one likes somebody who doesn't make mistakes, haha!
Everyone else here has said pretty much exactly what I was going to say! (Great minds think alike) :-)
You've gotta stop beating yourself up over it. Next time you'll know how to prevent this from happening again, and know that most of us would have fallen victim to the same situation; I certainly know I would have! And... I'd be reacting the exact same way you are right now and I'd want to hear caring people tell me the same thing everyone is telling you. We all can relate. Learn from your mistakes and then forget feeling bad about it. Get back on plan, amp up the exercise a little this week and you'll be back on track in NO time!
Chin up, girl, we've all been there and we'll damn sure all be there again. It's how we deal with the downfalls that determine our success. :-)
I feel you made the best of a bad situation. Why not the next time, fill a cooler with the foods that you want to eat and take it with you. We did this a couple weeks ago when we went to our son's for the weekend. We took bags of lettuce, cut up a bunch of vegetables and put them in plastic containers and other stuff we knew that wouldn't cause us to binge. When we took our cooler in the house, we told them we brought stuff to go along with their meals. That way, they didn't feel we thought their food wasn't good enough for us. Everyone really enjoyed the salad fixins!! We were able to eat a little of what they fixed and a lot of what we brought.
Skyra, first of all, just wanna say you always post so many great thoughts on this board - and are so supportive of others.
I would give you a big hug if I could. I know EXACTLY how frustrating a situation it is to be trapped with a bunch of junk food. And for your meals to be at another person's mercy....
I know you did the best you could. I would have binged like crazy if I were you too, because all of those things are trigger foods for me too.
Can't do anything about the past, but forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. Continue forward like it never happened, and in a week or 2, you will be back to where you started. Promise. I know it seems like forever away, but one day at a time gets you there.
Skyra I had a similar experience this weekend. Binged Sat night and then yesterday at work. My stomach is so distended and hard today. And the LAST thing I wanted to do is eat ANYTHING today. I was so tempted to let myself just starve. But I obviously know that's not the healthy way to go. So I got back on track but boy oh boy am I not getting on the scale anytime soon. I hadn't even lost any weight over the course of last week and now I'm sure I'm up a few pounds. But we will pick ourselves back up girlie and we will definitely learn from the experience. In your case...I wouldn't go anywhere AGAIN without having your own personal stash of healthy foods...and in my case, instead of grabbing the entire bag of cookies, I will only grab 1,2,or 3 and put them in a bowl. *hugs*
Thank you to everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses!
saef -- what you said really made me think. Sometimes I feel deprived when other people have treats around, but I feel like it will help to think, "I'm eating like an adult; they're eating like children." I don't know why. But I think it's a good strategy.
ravensglen -- thank you for your kind words. I feel really good knowing that you (and others!) appreciate what I write on this board. Thanks for the advice -- I think I've forgiven myself.
I'm proud to report I've been eating healthy and exercising extra the past two days. With any luck the numbers will be back down in no time.
ETA: It is now one week since I came home from this binge-trip -- and I'm down from 146.5 to 140.6, even lower than where I was before the binging weekend. I know some of that was water weight, but still, I am so, so proud of myself.
awful binging weekend (rant)
