Let me start off with I am halfway to my goal weight and within 10 pounds or so of a normal BMI. I am so happy with my progress so far and am so proud of how committed I have been on this journey. I'm finally starting to feel normal, and maybe even a little more confident in my looks. I've always been very insecure with my entire body, and that transferred to me taking a very asexual attitude towards dating. I didn't feel like any man would ever be attracted to me, so I always drifted towards the friend zone.
Anyways, since I've lost some weight I have noticed certain guys that have become a bit "friendlier", and have been border-line or straight out flirting with me.
A certain fellow, we'll call him Mike, is a person I deal with infrequently at work (I am an independant government widget inspector, and he is a manager at a widget building company). Mike and I have a pretty awesome comraderie, he is a good person to deal with and doesn't seem to take my inspection comments personally. Mike has told me I was his favourite widget inspector back when I weighed over 200 lbs.
I saw Mike this past week for the first time since I've lost weight. He was noticablely flirtier this time, asking me about places I like to frequent, and joking (?) around about taking me out for patio season drinks. During the end of my inspection I asked for his office's address/fax/number for my records and he gave me his card. I gave his card back and he said I could keep it and call him sometime, again jokingly (?). Again as I was leaving he called out to call him sometime for drinks (ha ha ha?).
Now, I am totally untrusting of men since I was screwed over pretty consistantly in high school/college by a string of jerkwads who would lie and use me. I guess I was too ugly to commit to. So I don't know whether to take his good humour as he is seriously interested, or if he is just trying to get on my good side to pass inspections and have less hassle at work. I am way to shy to call him, I don't want to offer myself up for rejection again. HELP!
It sounds like Mike is pretty persistent. I don't know if this was part of your question or not, but I know I have personally struggled with whether or not a guy likes you because now I've lost weight or not.... but you said he was flirty with you before and you haven't seen him since you've lost the weight so I think it's just you haven't seen each other in quite a while.
It's also spring time and I'm sorry... the birds and the bees get a little crazy and so do people. Maybe he's worried that if doesn't connect with you now it's going to be a while before he sees you again.
I understand being untrusting... I have been screwed over numerous times and had my heart ripped out and put through a blender, but as I am getting older I realize that you can be guarded, but you really can't hold something against the person you are dating that they had NOTHING to do with. Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and just DO IT... you never know what kind of surprises you're going to get.
I would also like to bring something up that was pointed out to me. I was talking about hanging out with friends and how because I was self conscious and the bigger friend I always felt like I was thrown into the friend category, etc.... Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely self confident and I know I'm not a horrible looking girl... BUT -- is that mentality TRUE? Or does it ring true because it's what we've MADE it? Meaning.... does that occur because WE make it occur.
WHat is the worst thing that could happen if you and this guy go our for drinks? You make a great friend? You date and it doesn't work out? You go out and it's a little awkward but he buys you a few drinks and dinner?
Can't hurt... take a chance and enjoy yourself. [Then fill us in afterward!!!]
Guys dont make an attempt to get a girl to call them unless they want them to... he left the ball in your court for you to make the decision... therefore you hold MOST of the power for the first move... be confident...call him...worst that could happen is that you dont like him
He’s definitely interested. You are probably carrying yourself more confidently…so it might have less to do with your weight loss (good job on that, by the way) and more to do with your attitude and the way you feel about yourself.
You said that you had a good professional relationship before and that he doesn’t take your professional reviews personally…doesn’t sound like he’s the type to use flirtation to get a leg up at work.
He probably made it sort of a joke to relieve himself of pressure and eliminate the risk of a harsh rejection. I think a lot of guys do that, it makes it safe for them.
I guess I am more weary of trusting him this time around because I think something only switched in his head once he saw how much weight I had lost. He was friendly with me before, but it was more of a sister friendly type deal.
Then there's the fact that maybe I'm overthinking this because he really is a friendly, outgoing guy with a great sense of humour. He may treat all ladies this way and he may treat all inspectors as his friends to get what he wants.
Gah. I hate dating games and my brain for overanalyzing everything.
How bout you try this... stop looking at it as he's the one playing a game. Maybe that's something you've built up in your own head.
Recently I took something a guy said completely out of context. In my defense (and his as well) it was via text so I wasn't sure of the conotation behind it. However, I completely made a mountain out of a mole hill when he was seriously trying to be nice and I thought he was being $hitty with me.
Call him, what can it hurt. It just shows even more confidence in yourself if you call him. I know I have become bolder with the male population since a) losing weight b) going after what we really want to do in life, c) getting older, times a wasting. Don't have regrets and think if only I had .....fill in the blank....it might of been different. If it doesn't turn out the way you wanted it to, chalk it up to a life learning experience and move on. We as women tend to dwell on the negative. Goodluck..you can do it.
All of those are things you can ask him, eventually. You can jokingly say "oh, you're just trying to get on my good side so you get a good inspection! I know the type!"
After a few dates, you could bring up the weight concern ... ask him if you hadn't lost weight, if he still would have asked him out.
You do have the power in this situation! You can also wait until you see him again, and this time give him YOUR card, and say something to the effect of, "thanks for your card, but I prefer to be called than to call".
So I don't know whether to take his good humor as he is seriously interested, or if he is just trying to get on my good side to pass inspections and have less hassle at work. I am way to shy to call him, I don't want to offer myself up for rejection again. HELP!
If you don't want to call him, then why does it matter about his humor?
If it is because he is interested, you aren't or don't seem to be so it is moot.
If it is because he wants to pass inspection, his humor won't help him there. It's about the widgets. Still moot.
If you DO want to call him and you start to date, does this compromise your work relationship? Are there widget rules about dating clients/co worker people?
I didn't like dating mind games either. So in your shoes I'd worry more about the work dating rules and if that part is clear... I'd be straight up the next time I see him.
If he's giving the same vibe I'd go "Are you trying to ask me out or just trying to pass inspection?"
Find out the answer straight up and get it over with rather than sitting and stewing over the not knowing.
I like the cut of your jib, Hyacinth and astrophe. I know I will likely see him again in the future so that is probably how I will handle things then.
The funny thing is, I am quite interested. He is very good looking and almost too old for me (just the right maturity level ). Which again makes it hard to believe he's interested in ME. As for the widget's, they will always come first and it would be a non-issue at work if I dated him. We do not work for the same company, would be kind of be like dating a client. It would be a conflict of interest and he would be get a different inspector. There are plenty of other widgets for me to look at.
Anywho, just wanted to see if anyone else has the same reaction as me to male attention. I'm just finding it really hard to believe he'd be interested in plain old me.
Last edited by Cally Callahan; 04-07-2010 at 10:32 AM.
I don't know but if a guys basically asks you to call him to go out for drinks, I think he is interested in going out for drinks (and most guys don't ask a girl out for drinks, just the two of them, unless he is interested in something more than friendship). If you don't want to call him, however, I agree with Hyacinth. If he indicates you should go out for drinks again the next time you run into him (or asks why you didn't call), give him your information and let him pursue you.
Personally I'd keep any relationship with Mike purely professional. Men are easy to come by. Jobs are not.
Most businesses discourage dating within the workplace and for good reason. If the relationship is a success, the company can't trust either of you to put the company's best interests above those of your mate. If the relationship doesn't work out, many people have trouble treating an ex in a professional manner.
I'd consider spending more time doing things you love outside of work and flirt up a storm with men involved in your hobbies. For example, your picture shows a horse ... spend time at stables, tack shops, race tracks, etc, any place that involves equine folks, and see what hot men may be available through that venue.
Whatever you choose to do, have fun! "Plain old you" is the person that some man out there has been waiting for and dreaming of.
For example, your picture shows a horse ... spend time at stables, tack shops, race tracks, etc, any place that involves equine folks, and see what hot men may be available through that venue.
LOL! I spend wayyy too much time and money at the barn already. Don't encourage me! I also think the ratio of women to men at horse places is like gazillion:1
As for the work aspect, we do not work for the same company. I am out visiting alot of places as part of my inspections, and I meet a ton of people. As I said, it is a nonissue, Mike will simply get a different inspector if there is a conflict of interest.
dating - what would you do?
I don't know if this was part of your question or not, but I know I have personally struggled with whether or not a guy likes you because now I've lost weight or not.... but you said he was flirty with you before and you haven't seen him since you've lost the weight so I think it's just you haven't seen each other in quite a while. 
Maybe he's worried that if doesn't connect with you now it's going to be a while before he sees you again. 
and it would be a non-issue at work if I dated him. We do not work for the same company, would be kind of be like dating a client. It would be a conflict of interest and he would be get a different inspector. There are plenty of other widgets for me to look at.
