Okay so on Friday I was at school and I was talking to my friend abotu gym classes. We were talking and I was telling her I wanted to wait until senior year to do it. And she told me "It doesn't hurt to be active, you know." And it's the way she said it...like the "you're not doing anything but you should" tone. But I AM doing things. I've been exercising five days a week and watching what I eat and she...well doesn't. She's around my size, too, and I'm really bugged by the fact that she thinks that she's so better than me for taking a gym class. Gym is good, I know, exercise is great, I know, but she doesn't watch her eating...I mean she buys ice cream and poptarts and stuff for lunch and it just really bugs me that she thinks she's doing a whole world of good by just doing gym, like everything will happen over this one gym class. I mean I guess that there's a lot of things that she could take about it...but she doesn't. I feel like such a you-know-what for saying it but I'm just really upset that she's just assuming that I'm sitting on my butt all afternoon when I'm really not.
And then, oh this made me even angrier, I was sitting on the couch watching tv at my grandparent's house last night and my aunt was sitting next to me. My whole family is overweight, I do mean everyone, and recently she's been losing weight. Well me, still being a teenager, have been considering some of the things I may want to do after high school. I started talking about how I was considering law enforcement (something in there, again I'm still just thinking about it) and she said "Well you better get in shape." And it was just the way she said it that irked me. I have been trying and it just really stings when someone says something like that. I KNOW I need to be in shape to do something like that but I'm trying and it kind of hurts when someone says something like that to me, I mean am I suppose to tell them that I'm trying? I am kind of an overly sensitive person but it just really hurts that I've lost a little and people are still assuming I'm sitting around doing nothing. I mean I know that they may not see a difference but...it just, like, hurts....
Last edited by bunnythesAINT; 03-21-2010 at 11:07 AM.
People can be really insensitive, even if they don't mean it. I'm sure the people who said that to you care and just want to see you succeed. They just aren't expressing it very well
As for telling people that you are trying to eat healthier and BE healthier, it is totally up to you. If you feel that telling them would make things easier on you then by all means go for it. Or, you could not say anything and let your results speak for themselves Then your buddy will be asking you how you did it!
You are doing a great job so far, and we are all proud of you for improving your health and life! Don't let stupid comments de-rail your progress. You can do this!
I know what you mean. My mom (who's real adament about me losing weight) has been helping me do pretty much every single diet or exercise plan known to man. We were doing aerobics when I was 7, and cabbage soup diets when I was 9. And she just thinks that weight loss is simple exercise and smart eating, and a part of it is, but it's also a lot of mental stuff. I've always hid behind my weight because if I'm not putting myself out there, if I'm not giving it my 100% in everything I do, then I can't get hurt, I don't get to feel like my 100% isn't good enough.
And it sucks because I'm constantly switching between being energic and feeling 'up' and feeling so depressed and hopeless that I don't want to get out of bed. And to her, that just means I'm lazy and lack will-power.
And the same thing with about the whole "talking about the future thing" - whenever I mention that I want to pursue this or that profession, my mom always reminds me "you have to focus on your weight, no one wants to be represented by a fat person." Or whenever I accomplish something great in school, it's always "that's good, now just focus on your health."
And obviously I know that I have to lose weight but I just hate how she thinks it's everything that I am, and that I need to be reminded that I'm fat and that no other accomplish will dimish that fact. I know that I'm fat when I go outside and everyone's normal sized or when I have to wear Spanx tights and still have to hold the zipper of my pants together with a safety pin because it won't close on its own.
I hate how people underestimate how hard it is to lose weight, because people don't end up 100 pounds overweight just because they're lazy or like stuffing themselves with 5000 calories a day. There's usually misery and emotional distress fueling the fire.
I've never experienced that with family, but I can imagine what it's like. It sucks to work so hard and know that strangers still see me as a fat girl who sits around watching TV all day, eating McDonald's or something. Sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bother. But they have no idea how active I am or what I eat, so why should I feel bad about how ignorant others are when they assume things? You guys know I work hard. And we know you work hard, Bunny. While it may take the rest of the world to catch on, we know. It won't be long before your family starts seeing the changes too. Your hard work obviously isn't going down the drain. You've lost 20 pounds, girl! Just keep going and screw what everyone else thinks.
I guess I never thought of it like that, EveLHaelf. Imagining it does sound pretty nice, having people ask me how I did it . Oh wow Fatter Fitter, I can kind of relate back. When I was younger my mom would take me to aerobics classes and my family would take me to curves to try and get me to lose some weight (because I've been overweight since I was little). I don't think that your mom is really considering you. I mean...when it gets right down to it no matter what you do if you're good at it, people will want you, right?
And that's very true, Rythm. You're very motivational!
I can totally relate about comments about joining law enforcement... I have been toying with the idea for a few years, and decided I was going to do it. My Mum then said "remember the police have to be fit, though."
I shrugged it off at the time, but I was kind of like "duh?"
I feel ya. I considered being a pilot for a bit and people would respond with "you know there's a fitness test to be a pilot." In a "and you wouldn't pass it" tone.
If those same people saw you working out all the time, they'd turn around and tell you "you're doing too much!"
Being an overly sensitive person myself, I know for a fact that anytime someone makes even the slightest comment about one of my "soft spots" it's going to offend me a little. I've just learned to suck it up and move on. If you don't you'll live your whole life being hurt. And I'm sorry, but it just takes way too much energy getting my feelings hurt every time someone says something. I've got bigger problems.
Being an overly sensitive person myself, I know for a fact that anytime someone makes even the slightest comment about one of my "soft spots" it's going to offend me a little. I've just learned to suck it up and move on. If you don't you'll live your whole life being hurt. And I'm sorry, but it just takes way too much energy getting my feelings hurt every time someone says something. I've got bigger problems.
Being 35 years old (and dropping in, hope you don't mind) and an extremely over-sensitive person myself, I have to agree with the above!
And my mom used to say stuff to me all the time. Especially about these cargo shorts I wear that are men's baggy cargo shorts that go to my knee. EVERY SINGLE TIME I wear them (and I mean every single day/time) she would say disapprovingly "those are NOT flattering on you at all", basically meaning my legs look awful and fat in them.
Finally I said to her "don't you think that makes me feel worse than I already do? If I could wear cute little shorts and feel comfortable in them I WOULD!!! when you say those things it really hurts my feelings and makes me feel worse than I already do every single day".
She looked shocked and apologized and said she would never say anything again. I think I might have thrown a little "I feel like you don't love me for who I am" in there for good measure to drive the point home. that really got her. lol.
I just want to tell you young ladies something. It is absolutely fantastic that you are working on your health, but I can tell you from experience that there are very few occupations that will require you to be super in shape and skinny! I'm sorry that you may have to deal with people who tell you or make you feel otherwise. Don't let anyone keep you from doing what you want to do!
I'm 35 years old and I have been overweight my whole adult life (even when I was at my skinniest I didn't fit the ideal of society.) I've successfully worked as a Sales Person, Nurse's Assistant, Accountant, Security Guard, Waitress, Meeting Services Manager, Receptionist, and Office Assistant. I've seen "overweight" women succeed in a lot of different fields. If you are confident and competent you can excel in your field! If anyone tells you otherwise just don't own it.
If you want to pursue a more physical career like a pilot, fire fighter, law enforcement (etc.) and it is important enough to you then it can just motivate you even more to lose weight and get healthy!
Just wanted to give you a shout out and say I'm glad you seem to be doing better.
It's hard, but I remember one day it hit me..."You know, I DON'T have to pick it up."
I have my own baggage to carry, I don't have to pick up other people's baggage. Like your gym friend. Or the aunt. I don't know what motivates people to say what they say or how they meant it. Can't control others.
But I can control how I react to them, and rather than assume the worst and then spend the time carrying that baggage around, I choose not to pick it up. Whether they are trying to push their baggage on to me on purpose or not... I just don't have to pick it up. I mentally think at them "Sheesh! Carry your own baggage, dude!"
Bunny, I know that your friend made you feel bad and I know what that's like. But consider this: she has her own battle with weight loss and you know perfectly well how difficult that can be. Sometimes when I get super motivated I try to get everybody on board with me like I tell my husband to come to the gym with me. It's probably very annoying but I'm just trying to share with the world that "hey I just figured out that exercise is good, come do it with me!" Perhaps your friend needs you to be more supportive of her in this case and she was upset that you weren't. Remember that when people act out it's never really about you, it's always about them. If it upset you and you're good friends then talk to her about it. "When you said that about gym class the other day it made me feel really bad, like you didn't think I was doing anything about weight loss. What was that about?"
It makes me very angry when adults try to discourage youngsters about their future. Just remember that if you really want to do something you will find a way to accomplish it.
I guess I never saw it like that, either. Maybe I will talk to her about it, tomorrow...I guess I was just really angry and didn't think things all the way through when I first made this. Thanks for putting things in a different perspective for me, because I really didn't think of it like that.
I can totally relate. It is very frustrating and hurtful when people make rude and insensitive comments. Don't let people's stupidity and rudeness hold you back from your goals. As long as you are doing your best you are doing great. I have been told on numerous occassions that "you have such a pretty face for a big girl, or your too pretty to be so big, etc." All of this hurts and I kind of keep on the weight to spite people. I feel like people should like and accept you for you not you appearances. It sucks that the world is so focused on appearance. I'm trying to get healthy for me, not so my pretty face can match a pretty body.
"It doesn't hurt to be active".
Then your buddy will be asking you how you did it! 
. Oh wow Fatter Fitter, I can kind of relate back. When I was younger my mom would take me to aerobics classes and my family would take me to curves to try and get me to lose some weight (because I've been overweight since I was little). I don't think that your mom is really considering you. I mean...when it gets right down to it no matter what you do if you're good at it, people will want you, right? 
