[ThicknPretty]

So, lately I've been struggling a lot with the way people (specifically my family) perceive me. Not just from a weight standpoint, but as far as what I have and haven't accomplished and what kind of person I am. And of course I do feel like they look down on me or are slightly embarassed of me because of my weight, although they are not open about that.

My dad makes me feel the worst. No one on his side of the family is overweight. My brother and I are the only ones who ever enter the house who have weight issues. And I feel like he struggles to be proud of me in that way that fathers are supposed to be proud of their daughters because I'm...big. My younger half sister is probably going to be skinny (she's already tall and blonde...) and he is very doting with her. He never SAYS anything mean, it's more just...that he doesn't really look at me much. He seems irritated by me because I'm not what he would prefer me to be as a daughter.

I also just feel like an overall disappointment because of how things have turned out in my life. I got pregnant my senior year of high school, so a lot of things were put on the back burner for me and I just haven't gotten around to going back to school. And I feel like my family assumes that I just won't, that I'm just a failure, shrug. That kills me because I don't want to be a failure and I know I have potential...it's almost like I need them to tell me that I'm not so that I'll prove it...?

I'm a good mom and I love it, but I want to go back to school, I want to have a good relationship (gah...) and I want to move out (yes, I live with my mom...yay), but I feel like I have no resources and no time. I'm working on losing weight for myself and I think my family would be proud of me...but maybe only because I'd be a skinner failure than before...

Sorry, that was long, I just wanted to vent.

[stargzr]

I read your post and just had to reply. First of all, I'm sure you're a wonderful mom!!! As for all the rest, living with your mom is not exactly where you want to be right now, but yay! that you have a great mom who's willing to let you live there and to be around for your child! There aren't many parents willing to be like that.
For a point of reference, I think that I have more of a carefree attitude with how my family perceives me. My father is the worst (coincidence?). He doesn't know me as who I am now and doesn't care to learn. He's not interested in finding out who I am as a woman and I'm ok with that. He and I never really got along and I can't make someone like me. He treats my siblings better and actually admitted to me a few years back that he and my mom (who are now divorced) really did treat me differently when we were all growing up. He said that they spent less on me for presents at holidays, they pushed me for better grades than everyone else, and they didn't give me many of the perks that my siblings received. I am not the oldest or the youngest child, nor am I so far in between that it was possibly different for me. It's just that they chose to treat me that way. I'll never know why, but after he told me all that, I've found that I don't care. I am my own woman now (well, and my husband's) and he and I are the only people I ever set out to impress anymore. It doesn't matter what my father thinks of me or thought of me. What matters is how I feel about myself.
I realize that got kind of long, but I hope you get out of it what was meant. That is that you are your own woman, with a child of your own. Aside from him being your dad, he really is nothing more. It doesn't matter whether or not you're a disappointment to him... what matters is if you are a disappointment to yourself. Which I would venture to guess you aren't! You've got a beautiful child and you're on the right track to living a healthy lifestyle so that your child doesn't EVER have to feel the way that you did.

[forestroad]

Pretty- First, I think everyone struggles with those feelings, regardless of how "accomplished" or not they are. By most standards, I am a very accomplished young woman, and yet I still feel a crushing amount of pressure not to let my parents down, and to live up to their standards...and they are supportive for parents! Well, not about my weight, and maybe I project that disappointment onto other areas of my life as well.

Cliche as it is, true happiness comes from within. To paraphrase Michelle Obama, don't look at the money or the looks or even the job title--all those things can fade, and you're left with who that person really is at their core. That has to do with your core beliefs and values, like aspiring to be a good mom and to better yourself. Becoming a mother at a young age doesn't define who you are--I think it's the other way around: who you are as a person defines how you'll rise to the challenge of becoming a young mother, and it sounds like you're proud of how you've done by your child. It's virtually impossible these days to have the "American Dream" on one income, and we as 20-somethings are adapting--many more of us get support from our parents for longer, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. No one makes it through life alone, we all receive support from various places (parents, luck, birth, public assistance, friends, etc) at some time or another, it's just part of the human condition.