Hi all! I've never posted in the 20-somethings area, but I think you guys would be the perfect group for this question. I am having serious friendship issues with a friend over weight loss. She and I are both on weight loss journeys, although hers is kind of being forced upon her(not by me). I thought I was helping to motivate her, but it seems like i'm just making her really angry. She doesnt seem to be too concerned about being overweight and I just cannot connect to that, I am not happy with being overweight. She is pretty content being quite overweight, and although I am proud of her confidence, I wish she'd care. Im mad at her for her total lack of motivation and for the lack of a diet buddy and she is mad at me for pushing (which I know I shouldnt be). What can I do to mend this? Why doesnt she care?!
I was once like your friend... I blew everyone off and I didnt want anyones help... Until I stopped being a brat and realized that people just want to help me. I think you should just probably lay low for a little bit and let her know that if she wants you that you are there. She may also get jealous if you are having more success than her. I had a lot of friends get mad at me because of how focused I was. They were mad because I couldnt do this or that because it was when I planned to go to the gym and they were mad because I didnt want to go for ice cream or eat out. I made a lot of sacrifices and some people do not understand it nor do they realize how necessary it really is. Your friend will come around...hopefully you guys will be able to mend things. Maybe she will realize that you werent pushing to be mean spirited but more or less trying to be a helping hand.
Hey, its good you care so much about her, but you cant make her care She sounds like now is just not the time for her to change anything, and if she doesnt want to then she doesnt have to. Ultimately, our motivation has to come from within. If I was you, I would simply say to her something like "hey, I am losing weight for my health and I am worried about how your health is being affected by your weight too, so if you want to then I would be happy to be your diet/weight loss buddy" and leave it at that. It really is something she has to come into of her own accord
Many people don't like things forced upon them, even if it is something they would do anyway. I hated reading books for school, even if it was a book that interested me and I would read on my own anyway. Losing weight is something she needs to figure out on her own, with no one forcing her, whomever that may be. Just let it be known that you are there for her if she finds the motivation within herself. She may be confident with how she looks and how her body is, but some people are good at faking how they really feel and act more confident than they really are. Which is she?
There's no way you can force her to lose weight. She can only do it because she wants to. I remember hearing that at the first WW meeting that my mom forced me to go to when I was sixteen. (I gained while on this WW program!) So I have some experiance with being forced, and it just doesn't work. I only have lose weight when I do it for me.
You can find another diet buddy--obviously she's not very good at it!
I can understand being okay with being overweight, or at least projecting that to other people. We live in a country where we're supposed to be happy all the time. She's not ready to change, so even if she is unhappy being overweight, she's not going to admit it. Surely there was a time that you were okay with it enough to get to a point where you needed to lose weight, right?
I'd let it go for now, and if she's ever ready to face it, she'll be happy to have you as a friend.
i agree with the other posters. you've got to be ready to make the change personally. when i wasn't ready it wouldn't have mattered what anybody said to me - the door was closed in my mind - i didn't want to think about it or admit to myself i needed to do something.
sounds like she's trying to deny it. just keep on plan and kicking butt and you might inspire her to ramp up her efforts.
I tried over and over again to lose weight with my best friend. But when I would call her and she would say things like "Oh, i didn't feel like packing a lunch, so I got a burger and fries" and would then get mad at me for pushing on her, I stopped doing it.
Your friend is like mine...until they make a choice they can stick with and find their own motivation, she won't change. I think you'd do better to find someone else, offer your support one more time for your friend and back away.
Leave her alone. Only try to help her when SHE says she wants it.
I used to be that girl. I was happy at my weight and it REALLY made me mad when my mom was always trying to help me lose weight. I was happy! Why couldn't she just leave me alone? I tried to lose it a few times just to make her happy but it never worked.
I wasn't able to genuinely lose weight until III wanted to do it, so until/if your friend gets to that point, pushing is useless, if not harmful, to make her feel like she's not good enough, despite the fact that she's satisfied with herself, and start to create an inferiority complex or something, which is no good. >_<
Thank you guys for your responses. Although Im not the one that pushed her to join a program to lose weight, I have pushed her to focus on it since she started, and its pretty much a losing battle. So, for the last few days i've just stopped talking about weight with her. She brings it up occasionally, and I'll talk about it with her, but otherwise, I'll let her come around...or not. Thanks again guys!
I've noticed that as I've lost weight I've started to surround myself with more active people. You can't change anyone, but you can reach out to your other friends, associates and colleagues to see if they would like to be a diet/exercise buddy with you
Motivating a friend?
She sounds like now is just not the time for her to change anything, and if she doesnt want to then she doesnt have to. Ultimately, our motivation has to come from within. If I was you, I would simply say to her something like "hey, I am losing weight for my health and I am worried about how your health is being affected by your weight too, so if you want to then I would be happy to be your diet/weight loss buddy" and leave it at that. It really is something she has to come into of her own accord
