Last week I put out my two beloved bamboo plants on the balcony because I was cleaning and didn't want to poison them. This morning I went out onto the balcony to check out the weather and there they were - completely dead. They had been in direct sunlight and we had record breaking heat all week. I stared at them for a really long time.
I had a crazy week at work. I fell off the wagon and left all my luggage on it. I have been eating bad, not working out, spending too much money and I could go on and on. What triggered my latest trip I am not sure.
I've had a very succcessful career - and have often sacrificed (ok more than often) my personal life for it. I've never achieved a good balance between ME and my job. But what is more important than ME? When I get diabetes, heart issues - will my career understand? NOPE. I need to work to live not live to work. But how do I change my mindset? In 9 months I will be looking for a new job. If I am fat, unhealthy and lack confidence, who is going to want to hire me? Do I want to be fat and unhealthy and SICK during the Olympics and look back on those pictures as my example of what not to do? No way. I just don't know how I can find and stick to a life change like this....sigh
That's really sad about forgetting your beloved bamboo plants. A wake-up call if I've ever heard one!
I used to work in the computer industry, in which you can work yourself right to death and no one will stop you. After I went out on my own as a contractor, I still treated work the same way even though I was my own boss.
Work is a lovely distraction from the rest of life and a good excuse as well. After all, you don't have time for things like meal planning, exercise, etc. And the rewards are so great--more money, praise from bosses and coworkers, a feeling of satisfaction and self-worth (although ever more effort is needed), and never having time to think. Why, it's perfect!
Except, as you noted, your plants die and you develop stress-related illness...
Here is a suggestion, from someone who is recovering from workaholism: Start leaving work on time. Shocking, isn't it? Makes you think of all kinds of reasons why you can't possibly... But try it. See what happens. The world will not implode, I guarantee it--although you might feel anxious.
With that "extra" time from leaving at a normal hour, you can plan out a menu for the next day...
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry about your plants. I love my plants too and I could semi-imagine how you feel. I'm also sorry you're feeling crummy in other areas as well.
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Originally Posted by Brown Eyed Staccie
I just don't know how I can find and stick to a life change like this....sigh
You decide to. For all of those reasons that you stated. You decide you don't want to go on settling for second best - not for another single second. Not when first best is within your reach. YOURS for the taking. You make that decision and then the ensuing ironclad commitment to see it through - and then you take the ball and run with it. And you get good and excited about the transformation you are about to make. And then you set yourself up for success. You plan the heck out of your days. You stock your home up with good and healthy and DELICIOUS foods. You resist temptation, because you realize that "stuff" does nothing for you in the long run. NOTHING. You no longer need that crap. You want BETTER. You make this a TOP PRIORITY. Because like all things that matter it NEEDS to be a top priority. You find the time, the energy, the strength - to make this work. You MAKE this work - somehow, someway - because you've made the decision and the ironclad commitment to do so - and not making it work is no longer an option. Period.
Staccie, I'm so sorry about your plants and the stress you're undergoing right now. I assume that you're working on putting on the Olympics? How exciting! I'm only a few hours away from Vancouver; I'd love to make it up there and see an event or two.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll
I used to work in the computer industry, in which you can work yourself right to death and no one will stop you. ....snip....
Here is a suggestion, from someone who is recovering from workaholism: Start leaving work on time. Shocking, isn't it? Makes you think of all kinds of reasons why you can't possibly... But try it. See what happens. The world will not implode, I guarantee it--although you might feel anxious.
I work in the computer industry, too, and truer words were never spoken. My team and I have worked for several years on a custom product and now our company has decided that they will purchase something to replace it. Boom; software developement job is gone. They'll find another place for me in the company so I won't lose my employment (thank goodness!), but all that work and overtime and stress and tears? For naught. Now I am an 8 to 5 girl.
I spent 4 hours yesterday in the quilt shop, renting time on the longarm machine. It was just me and the machine, working on my quilt. I could hear the soft murmur of customers coming and going from the shop; it was very relaxing. I don't do that nearly enough. We get so caught up in the daily drama and stress of our jobs that we forget to live!
I am quickly reminded of how important coming on here for support is. Everyone that commented on my post - THANK YOU. And you're right, this is so much more about changing my life, not just loosing a box of kitty litter I have to push myself. I know I can be successful and reach goals professionally - so I know I definitely can personally. Must do it, must do it!
Staccie,
Sorry to hear about your bamboos, I love them dearly. If you cut them down, move them back inside and keep watering, they may still come back. They are pretty resilient.
I have Green Panda bamboo (Fargesia rufa) in my garden and it is doing nicely now that I moved it to a shady spot (unfortunately, I don't have too many of those) a year ago. But it stays pretty short and never grows taller than 10". Oh well.
Give it a try and I hope yours will spring back to life.
I've never achieved a good balance between ME and my job. But what is more important than ME?
This I totally get -- me too. I'm in an industry where keeling over at your desk is a badge of honour and especially getting started you're just expected to be there crazy hours. There is no personal life.
Not that it's an excuse, but since getting into this business I kept just packing on the pounds. It was a factor. So tired and so stressed all the time.
Cutbacks have knocked me down to PT work and I can tell you, it's been a blessing. I feel human again and am dropping weight. Time to read about food, cook, plan, prepare.
I can't say what the best decision is for you personally, but I can say that I thought I would never be whole without my job being IT for me. MY LIFE. And as it turns out, not having it be my life, but just a part of it is so, so much better.
Good luck. I really empathize with you.
PS -- Record breaking heat?? It's FREEZING in southern Ontario! I was wearing a jacket yesterday!
Last edited by chickiegirl; 06-08-2009 at 09:55 AM.
I was in computer IT for almost 20 years and it was killing me. One day I up and quit, I'd had enough. So I can relate to what you are saying. I had zero life balance either. It sounds like you are getting a grip now, though, so don't be afraid to explore your options. You've only got one life, you don't want to have regrets later!
I wonder how effective it would be for you to take on another job? If you are the kind of person who puts their all into a career, then maybe you should look at your weight loss journey as a mandatory "job" instead of a "wagon" (inwhich you can get on and off of when ever you feel like it).
I think if you look at your health and well being as a full time job, then you might see it a little differently. Health is a prerequisite for everything else life has to offer...because as we all know, you will eventually have to quit "working for the man", when you grow old. Your body and health you will need to work on for the rest of your life.
I *totally* hear you on this. I was in *exactly* the same place, although my decision was whether to have children or not; I was completely career driven. My mother was dying (but amazingly survived) and I realized how much pleasure she got from having her children come visit her. Who was going to come visit me when I was dying?? The CEO of my company to thank me for all my years of hard work and sacrifice?? NOPE.
It sounds like you have had a real wake-up call, just as I did. 11 years later, I have a darling 10-year-old and a darling 8-year-old. Life works itself out. I hope you can look back 11 years from now and be thrilled with how you put your health first, and your life found a way to work itself out, too!
My bamboo plants sacrificed themselves for me...
A wake-up call if I've ever heard one!
I have to push myself. I know I can be successful and reach goals professionally - so I know I definitely can personally. Must do it, must do it!
