[dancingirl81]

I don't think i can clearly define just how gross i feel. i'm the heaviest i've been in the last two years (minus when i came back from a two week cruise in may.... but that all slid off a week later when I had my tonsils taken out). the last two day's i've been pretty good, my weight was down a little i felt better than i have lately... and then food just jumped out and attacked me. if i could blame it for jumping down my throat on its own, i would....

...but we all know thats a bit of a stretch...

I think a lot of this is due to the fact that a couple months back, my doctor told me i had to lose 20 # by mid december. i lost 3... and then gained nearly 10. minus some fluctuation here and there, that's where i've stayed. the lasat week or so, that number has crept up farther. i feel like crap, i'm working like a dog... and somehow i have to drop not 20, but more like 30lbs. (I re-scheduled my appt to january, hoping to get a little something done between now and then... )

some how i can't lose weight as an ultimatum... i just have to be ready to do it... it's like the ultimatum makes something happen to my brain so it reverts back to some of the worst eating habits i ever had.

i don't want to be fat again. i was within 10lbs of not being overweight... what the heck is wrong with me ? i thought i was ready to look for a relationship... but now i don't feel good about myself, let alone attractive in anyway. i no longer have 'fat clothes' just the stuff i normally wear, and it's obnoxiously tight...

someone please just smack some sense into me... i'm binging even though i'm aware that i'm not hungry... what sense is there to that?

[Jelbb]

Ahh, honey, I agree with ya. You can't be told by someone else, "Okay, now lose weight." You have to really want it for yourself.

But that being said... it sounds like you do. So, what's it gonna take? What's holding you back? Maybe systematically go through your bad behaviours... and think of logical, doable solutions to them?

Example: I tend to stuff my face while sitting in front of the TV despite not being hungry.
Solution: Sit back with a 1.5 Liter bottle of water, and find something to do with my hands. I've been knitting scarves for friends for Christmas, sometimes I draw for my drawing class, etc.

Also, I was telling someone tonight that I couldn't eat a cookie that she offered me. It was a slip of the tongue, I normally just say, "Ahh, no thanks I'm good," but tonight I accidentally said, "Ahh, no, I can't, thanks." Which of course, illicited the "Can't? Why can't you?" question, and I had to go into detail about cutting out wheat and gluten since it has killed my metabolism. Gluten intolerance.
When I'd finished, she kinda shrugged, "Oh, that's cool. I don't think I'd have the willpower to say 'no.'"

And as soon as she said it, I suddenly realized... I haven't eaten a cookie, a muffin, a roll, cake, a donut, or anything with wheat in it since Thanksgiving. (Canadian thanksgiving, so, October 12thish?) In a month, I haven't felt any HUGE desire for any of those things, and I realized... that the thing that's been making me CRAVE those foods... was those foods themselves. And I know, I've heard people say that before, but... I've struggled with weight loss for YEARS, and all I managed to do was put more weight back on. By cutting some things out, but still allowing myself the occasional bit of chocolate, or the occasional bit of.. whatever.. well, it never helped. I always wound up binging on those things once I got a taste for them.

My advice then, I guess... is muster all the will power you've got, and take things a day at a time. Decide (with will, and FORCE, because I KNOW that you're strong enough...) that tomorrow is going to be a good day. And all day long, think about the fact that today is your day, your first day of being perfect health-wise, and instead of focusing on feeling deprived and frustrated at saying "no" to the junk you would normally eat, focus on the strength of will, and the positive changes that you're making towards a healthier you.
The best way to make myself turn down a chocolate bar/walk past that vending machine was to think about how depressed and disgusting I'd feel staring at the empty wrapper afterwards, and feeling the taste of the chocolate wash away from my mouth.

Y'know... 147.. that number is just not that far away, chica. There's a 147-lb you at the finish line looking super sexy, and turning mens' heads left right and center, and she's just waiting for ya to get moving.
(And... p.s.? She won't be wearing any "fat clothes". )

[carcar05]

Jelbb said it best.

I am not good at losing weight when it's my main focus/when someone else has told me to.

Jelbb's suggestions are really good. Good luck, honey, we all go through this though. Just remember the days that you have felt totally awesome and remember that you can feel that way again, it's a choice we make. It's up to you, so do it! You can do it!

Something small that helps me out of these funks is eating fruit, like an orange or blueberries, and drinking a loooot of water. It just helps flush you out - drink green tea or something with lots of antioxidants in it (the caffeine doesn't hurt but you could do decaf too, what I usually do is decaf and I still feel great from the antioxidants) it's just good to purge that crapola out of your body and start fresh.

Good luck!

[chunckymonkey]

Jelb and Carcar05 have given you great tips!

Have you gone to a gym? I go to the YMCA - reasonable cost - and just hired a trainer...10 sessions for 380 ($38 a session-well worth it) and I gotta tell ya - after working so hard to get the weight off, it really makes me think twice about what I want to put into my body. Believe me, you will start looking forward to going!

Best to you

[Kataclismic]

Dancinggirl, first...ditch the negative self talk!!! Being fit, able and healthy is a self fufilling prophecy, believe it and it shall be!!!! Same with being fat, miserable and defeated. Surround yourself with a supportive group (Like 3fc!!) and get out of the house! WHY do you have to wait untill you are at a certian weight before you allow yourself to date? Do you understand how much you are denying yourself by placing that limitation on yourself? Do you realize how much you are denying the world by not thowing yourself out there and pushing your limits? You've already lost 60 some pounds!!! You are an UNSTOPPABLE force! Dont ever forget that!