I have been working really hard this summer and have been successful losing weight. I am pretty proud of myself for this and I feel SO MUCH better physically as well as emotionally about myself. I still have a way to go yet, and I have no doubt that I will reach my goal.
Today at work, the secretaries and I were getting the room ready for school registration. This involves moving tables, setting up stations, etc. We had tables close to an area that we had to see if we could get office chairs into as well as have someone be able to walk behind to get out. Well, one of the secretaries said she would sit down in the chair and see if someone could walk behind her. She said since she is the fattest one in the room she should sit, and then the other secretary said since she is also one of the fattest she would walk behind her. A little bit later, the same two said since they were the fattest ones, they couldn't get up on a chair/table to hang signs and then they handed them to me.
One of them had on the cutest outfit. A plaid skort with lime green stripes and an really cute top that was lime green. Now, 40 lbs ago I wouldn't have even considered wearing that, so I asked her where she got it. She turned to me and in a loud voice announced that she bought it at a fat lady store!
At that time I didn't think about what they had said.. but later, it bothered me a little. I used to be the fattest one there, and now I am not. I know others have mentioned that they have been treated differently as they have lost weight and sometimes treated hostile. I don't go around announcing my weight loss or how much I have lost. I pretty much keep it to myself unless someone asks because now it is becoming pretty obvious.
I confided in one of my good friends from work about what was said.. she is also on WW after asking me about it when I had lost 20 lbs. We are kinda doing it together at work and exchanging recipes and food finds. She doesn't have much to lose, maybe 15 lbs. Her theory is that they are jealous.
I have never encountered this before and it does upset me, but it also seems pretty childish. Those 2 aren't going to make me feel bad enough to quit what I am doing. I have a pretty strong personality and don't bend to others. But, I wonder about others who do feel bad enough to quit. It makes me angry too. One of them asked me where I wanted to be and when I told her, she about had a fit - a motherly fit actually and told me that I would be too skinny if I lost that much and that if I lost maybe another 20 lbs I would look wonderful! I am 5'4" and want to weigh 150 lbs.
We have to meet again tomorrow. I have made copies of some of the stuff that I have been doing - water, low fat, high fiber, etc along with phone number for the local WW as well as the web site info. Depending on how they are then, I am going to give them the information and tell them that if I can do it, they can too!
I guess that I am lobbing the ball back into their court and not give them a reason to say anything more to me like that. Basically I am going to tell them that if they feel that they are the fat one, then do something about it. Here is how I am doing it - make a choice.
Oh Chey, that must make you so frustrated! I hear stories like this all the time, but have not had to deal with it myself - thank God. Some people are just jealous, they are bitter about seeing others experiencing success. WL is such a sensitive topic, especially for those of us who have been overweight our entire lives, and feel being a healthy weight is just never going to happen... Which of course isn't true, that's just giving in without trying, but it seems to be a pretty popular mentality.
Good for you, though, not letting these women run you down. You know what your body wants, you know what you want - what those women want has absolutely nothing to do with you. They can take charge if they choose, but they haven't so far, and you shouldn't be made to feel bad for their decisions. You are doing fantastic things for yourself, and I am so happy to see you having such success! I take it you work in a school - think of the example you're setting for the kids and their parents, too - you are in a highly visible position and your success has the potential to impact a lot of lives! Don't let the bitter ones get you down.
Good for you for NOT letting them get you down enough to sabotage your wonderful progress. Especially, that all you were doing was admiring the outfit! And when people have the chutzpa to tell you how much you should weigh, when you know your own self and goals best...sheesh.
I do think it's jealousy...but good for you! Both for not letting them get you down and for arming yourself with information in case they start up again. I guess there are always going to be people who are rotten for one reason or another.
As for your goal weight, you still count as a shorty (I'm 5', so I can say that, lol). 150 is just fine; don't you worry about that. They just probably can't imagine getting down that low, you know?
Don't let them get to you. I've lost friends due to my weight loss. Turns out, they weren't such great friends or they wouldn't let a few pounds spoil our friendship. I get comments of all sorts that are backhanded or downright insulting.
"You've changed so much. I hope you don't get fat again."
"I don't even recognize you anymore."
"We can't sit down and blast through margaritas like we used to."
"I'd invite you to dinner but they don't have a special menu."
"You can't come over. We're having ribs tonight. I know you can't eat them." "Not true, I just choose not to." "Well I don't want to feel bad about eating them in front of you."
"When are you going to start eating normally again?"
"You're like, obsessed with the gym now."
"You're a whole new person. You're so lucky."
"You should be on one of those "I was fat and now I'm all that" shows."
"How much more do you want to lose?" "About 40 pounds." "No! You'll disappear! Stop now while you're healthy." (I'm still obese).
People are going to try to bring you down because they're jealous or they don't understand or they're afraid that you will change to the point where they don't know you anymore. The one thing you have to remember is that your change will be just as hard on others as it will be on you. Forcing information on anyone won't be helpful--I think you will insult them just as much as they insulted you. The best thing for you to do, Chey, might be to just tell them that you're working really hard towards a goal for youself and their backhanded comments hurt you a little. Help them to understand that while you may have lost 40 pounds, you didn't lose any of your feelings!
Aww Chey I can't believe someone would actually say that to another person. I'm tring to imagine where in the world they are coming from, because whenever I knew someone who lost weight I was always happy for them, I was upset that I wasn't losing weight, but whose fault was that? It was mine, why would I take it out on them?? Some women are just caty! ( I think I spelled that wrong but... =P)
I'm happy that didn't upset you enough to stop you! That just shows you how strong you are and your going a step further then I would have by giving them information and throwing the ball in their court as you put it.
jealousy is a funny thing. I wish you more weight loss success even if I'm still over weight and "fat" lol
You guys are awesome! If this doesn't show others who are investigating WW or worry about if they would receive any support from being members of this board then they are blind!!!! Blind I tell ya!!!! LOL
Here is what happened today....
We all met again to finalize who was doing what. I had my information in my office which is near the room where we were. The two that said they were the fattest and tested the distance of the chairs started again. They asked me about exercising - comment '' You must be exercising a lot to have lost that much.'' What I have and will eat... '' you must eat a lot of lettuce..." - ''you must be starving yourself to have lost that much weight', etc.
I pulled out my journal and showed them what I have been eating. It also showed them when I go out to dinner and what I eat then. I also write down how many ounces, etc of the servings for the points I eat. I do that as a reference for myself to plan for future weeks. Anyway, as they were reading what I consume, they were surprised that it was regular food.. they were also surprised that it was a lot!!! I showed them my recipes, and then I showed them a printout of my weight loss chart. I record it in Excel each week. It got quiet and then the comment was that I was losing about 2 lbs per week with the exception of a week here and there and the first 3 weeks I started.
Then the real questions started. They weren't catty, there was a lot of interest and comments of "well, that doesn't seem so difficult" or "I can do that....".
So, I said.. let's finish this meeting (because we were supposed to be working) and if everyone can, lets meet for lunch and talk more about this on our own time. They all agreed. Again, no catty remarks, or put downs towards themselves or me.
So, at lunch, I had the WW website info, the local WW meeting information and my starter stuff to show them. My friend from the front office who is also doing WW with me also joined us (I had asked her and she agreed). So, she and I taught them and answered questions, shared some recipes and ideas and used my starter information to figure out general information for points for them. Then we went into the nurses office and each of them weighed themselves. We adjusted point info (some weighed more, some less) and our lunch hour was over and everyone went away happy.
The general plan is to meet once a week after work to talk about this again, keep up with each other and weigh ourselves on the nurse's scale. I will weigh myself on my home scale as the nurse's scale is different from mine (lower) and I want to keep up with what I have without another multiple personality scale issue..
Also, during the winter, the group of us is going to meet after work twice a week and walk the halls. My friend and I had already decided to do this, so if they don't I am not overly concerned. I intend to do it.
I told them all that I was very serious about this and each of us had individual choices to make. If one decided to stop or quit, that was their choice and they weren't to drag anyone else down with them.
FanTASTIC, Chey!!! You really couldn't have had a better outcome. Sounds like it was their own insecurity and maybe feeling they couldn't do it.
Love that this has turned into an after-work meeting. You'll have your own little meeting group right there, which will bring in extra accountability for you and everyone. That in-person thing.
I think it was a great plan to have your information ready. And the way it worked out, there was no need to be confrontational at all. It just flowed into the questions by them about what you're doing and gave you the perfect opening for sharing all of your information.
Wow, Chey, how awesome! All they needed was a little push in the right direction. You were so smart to explain it all to them patiently and have real examples of what you can eat on WW. It's too bad so many people think of eating healthy as deprivation and pain and lots of lettuce!
I am excited for you guys. How cool is it that you have a little IRL support group now. And you were very smart to make it clear that you have individual choices to make, and that if one person stops it doesn't mean everyone quits.
Chey, that's so great. You should feel so proud. Not only have you enabled yourself, but you may have found another new support group that you can lean on, support and keep yourself accountable with. If they stick with it, they will be bowing down to you and thanking you in no time.
I can say with certainty that those co-workers will never ever replace anyone here. Everyone here is so nice and supportive and there isn't any flaming going on that typically happens on forums. My co-workers are another story...
I am not sure how they will do, and I did make it clear to one of them today that I wasn't the "mom" of the group, nor the personal trainer. A few of them have very dependent personalities and not overly pleasant much of the time to be honest.. lol. I can see in my future that if they don't succeed or lose weight how they think, then it will be my fault.
That is why I gave them info for WW and meeting information. It isn't that I won't show support or give suggestions, but I don't want them to depend on me totally or they won't be successful. I told a couple of them that they had to OWN their progress and not make me responsible. They got the message loud and clear from me today.
I didn't tell them about here.. this is me being selfish. But, if they google WW they may run across this board... lol - and read my posts. They will figure out who I am pretty quickly especially if they read this thread.
Negatives & Positives
And when people have the chutzpa to tell you how much you should weigh, when you know your own self and goals best...sheesh.
