[net knee]

I live with my father. I moved in in mid December because my old roommate found a girlfriend and they were getting serious. I don't have enough money for my own place and my boyfriend at the time was on unemployment(whole different rant there) so my dad needed help paying his bills b/c he recently got a divorce well i guess not recently it was like 3 years ago but he fell on hard times and I agreed to move in and help him out with some bills... We decided and agreed that I would pay 200 a month until my bf got a job and then we'd pay 300 a month. Well, now I am stuck paying ALL of the utilities. Water, Gas, Electric, Cable/Internet, garbage, and sewer.
In the beginning it was ok... it was running me about 300 a month. But my dad is so bleeping lazy he can't seem to work up the energy to flip the freaking light switch down when he's leaving a room. Or push the power button on the tv remote when he leaves the room. He serioulsy, not exaggerating here, has every single light on in the house except for my bedroom light and spare room light... even the freakin basement light!!!
Needless to say the electric bill has jumped 33 dollars in one month... i know the ac's don't help but holy h*ll... it doesn't jack it up that much!
His new thing is he wants to cool the upstairs with the ac in his room. Our upstairs is three bedrooms, one small hallway about 5 foot long and a bathroom and laundry room off of the bathroom. No sitting area upstairs... so it does NOT need to be cooled. When you're upstairs the longest you're in the area that isn't your bedroom is 5 minutes... and when someone showers it completely cancels out any ac going on in the hall... makes it hot and humid so it's POINTLESS... but he doesnt pay the electric bill so he "wants it open" and he "wants it cooled". well he can pay the freakin electric bill if he wants it cooled d*amnit...[I get so p.o.ed about this I want to go into his room and drop kick the d*mn thing out of his window so he wont have one] i'm sick of him jacking up all the bills that I PAY and not caring enough to shut crap off and conserve energy!! I get so mad I think about hurting him... of course i wouldnt because i do have some self control but oh my GAWD I seriously get so P*ssed i have to leave or go in my room and scream in a pillow or i might very well hurt him... (i'm a bit crazy-- mom is bi-polar and i wonder if i am too at least border line anyways)
So this month all the 6 utilities are 591 dollars... and i'm not f'n paying them. I will pay my "usual" monthly average but i WILL NOT pay the rest and he can...
I want to move out and have wanted to for a few months now but when I actually started packing last time we had an argument I got calls from just about everyone in my dad's side of the family telling me that I am selfish bc he's going to lose his house if i move out and i know d*mn well... blah blah... well you know what... FELL FREE TO MOVE IN AND SEE IF YOU CAN DEAL W/IT AS LONG AS I HAVE-- B/C I'M SICK OF IT!! Then my dad got laid off from work and begged me to stay... holy sh*t I cant handle this anymore-- it's NOT FAIR for me to have this burden.. my dad is 51 years old and it's not my fault he can't handle his finances and make enough money to keep his house... he should sell it and get something he can afford.... NOT MY FAULT....
and I'm not getting anywhere in life b/c i can't save ANY money bc i dont even have enough to pay my bills now... so i'll be stuck living with his slobbish energry wasting un-caring a** for the rest of my life... I want my own place... i want to save for an apartment or even a house but i can't as long as i'm living here... I just want to cry forever... *sobbing*

anyone ever go through this??
Any advice... i can't handle this anymore!!

[UrsusMaritimus]

I'm so sorry - what a difficult situation! It sounds like your dad has relatives who - while they may not be willing to move in with him - could take him in if worse comes to worse. It's not fair to expect you to pay all of his expenses - he's a grown man and is responsible for providing for himself.

Difficult as it might be, it sounds like you need to get out of that situation. Your dad is taking advantage of you. Just GO - stay with a friend until you have enough money saved to get a place of your own. If those relatives call and give you s***, tell them to start paying his bills and hang up the phone.

[net knee]

that is what i want to do but I dont want to lose family members over it... i'm sure they will come around and realize it's in no way my fault but i can't take the heart ache it will cause me to see my dad lose his house and have my family hate me for a while... i hate this so much

[BlondeAmbition08]

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

Try talking to your dad. Calmly tell him "That you don't turn of the lights or TV and cool parts of the house that don't need to be cooled is costing me X $ a month. Yes, me. I am the one paying the bills. So I am making some rules. If you don't follow them I will move out and you will lose this house."

Make a list of rules, like "turn of light when leaving the room". Save a copy. If it doesn't work out, you have something to remind you (and relatives) that your demands weren't anything out of the ordinary.

I realize it sounds really harsh, but this isn't going to get better with time. Probably worse.

[QueenBee3]

This is a tricky situation because it's your dad; if it was a friend or roommate, you could easily tell them you're leaving. My best friend is in this situation with her dad. She pays $300 a month but he's extremely difficult to live with; constantly criticizing her, she can't have people over, it's just hard.

Honestly, the only way anything is going to change is for you to actively change it. If you're not ready (and who could blame you?) to move out, leaving him potentially homeless, then you'll have to take other drastic measures. I love the idea BlondeAmbition had to make a list of rules. Blow it up and stick it in his room, the kitchen, the living room, whatever. Sit down together and go over and all of you agree to it. Tell him that if one of you does not follow the rules (including you), you will have to contribute extra to the monthly bills. Include in the list that he has to go out a certain amout of days a week or something to look for a job, so you know he is actively persuing finding a way to contribute. Put your foot down. Tell him how serious you are about leaving, but that you don't want it to come to that. Good luck!

[net knee]

I have made a list of "house rules". This is posted on the fridge. I also told him today that him not shutting things off and him wasting money has DOUBLED the bills that I pay. I actually went around the house and took all but ONE light bulb out of every room. I got rid of all the extension cords... if you need it- unplug something and plug it in while you use it... I told him yesterday that if he did not change that I am moving out and I'm serious. I can live w/my mom for 100-200 bucks a month flat... and my aunt will take me in for free as long as I watch her kids and keep the house picked up-- no big deal there b/c the kids are 9 and 12... they can help. either way the ultimatum has been laid out and he has his choice. Keep his house or lose it... should be an easy choice but I'm wondering if it will happen. He does have a job but with the amount of bills he has he can't pay all of them. So that's where i come in. He said he might have another trucking job (which is what he use to do) so I'm praying he gets it and when he does I'm going to be giving him some of the bills back... especially b/c I'm on a fixed income (workers comp disability) and do NOT have the money to pay all these bills for wasted energy and water and whatever else. Ugh just thinking about what kind of a slob he is and how much he does not care just makes me so freaking angry...
*sigh*
OK well thank you all for reading my rant and offering me your good advice. I appreciate it.