I guess this is supposed to only be only about diet but I was wondering, if anyone else here is single and dating. I was married for 10 years and have been seperated for 6 months. Now I am thinking about getting out there (joining groups for single parents-they have dances, etc..) The question I have is do any of you all date and do you have trouble meeting nice guys at your size? When I was single before I was a little overweight (size 16) not a 24!! I just wonder how many guys like bigger women. I am going to lose more but I dont want to stay home all the time either!!
Even if you arent single but were heavy when you were dating-I'd love some input.
thanks~
lorelei
Being an overweight wife was one thing. Being an overweight silgle 26 yr old woman, a whole new ball field.
Honestly, I don't have a problem meeting men. The type of men that I like to meet anyhow. There are alot of men out there who wouldn't take a second look, or even notice an overweight woman. But on the average, women have more of a problem accepting their weight then men do.
I've only been single for a short while now, and not really into the whole "looking for a mate" game. I am meeting people and going out on dates here and there. But up till now, I don't see a problem finding a date. Regardless of my size. Again, the men that wouldn't look twice at me, I don't want them anyhow. If I had to weigh them out, I would say that 7 out of 10 men would date an overweight woman. Just my thoughts. Were all beautiful regardless of our size. And alot of men feel that we have less issues if we have some meat on our bones. We'd be surprised to find out how many men are not attracted to boneskinny women.
Regardless of my weight, I still look good. Of course I would look much better if I was 50 lbs less. But I don't let my weight get in the way of being a real woman.
Hope this helps...and get out there girl and show the world what they have been missing.
No man wants to talk to a woman who is busy staring at the floor. People see our moods in our smile. We walk out the door feeling ugly, and that is what we portray to the world.
Any man would much rather talk to the woman across the floor who is smiling and laughing. And of course, holding her head up.
Congrats on being a new Mommy. I don't think I saw that before...life must be hectic. Remember, take time out for you.
Ok throwing in my 2 cents worth, I have never been married although I was engaged for 4 years. I am 29 and in the past few years have really been dating frequently. I have found that if you are outgoing and don't obsess about the weight most guys do not care about it either. I used to talk about it all the time and I never even think about my other positive qualities. Just relax and be yourself and let the guy know the real you. This is what works for me and I've had a couple decent relationships come out of this. Good luck!
Kim
I weighed 310 pounds on my wedding day and he loves every pound of me. I'm the only one who has trouble with my weight. A wise man once told me ......it's not how the package is wrapped, it's all in how you present it. So like the other girls said keep your head up, be confident in yourself and show that beautiful smile as often as possible. Good luck.
I think its awesome to have a positive attiutde. But I also think its very dangerous to not be angry and upset at being very overweight. Aside from the social aspects, it is terribly, terribly dangerous for health. Again this is just my 2 cents. But I remeber when I was over 300lbs and I saw this teenage girl who was very, very overweight just strolling around like wow I am hot stuff and while that is good on some levels I was also kind of shocked. She seemed to be so at ease with her weight which I NEVER was. I never thought I was a bad person or did not deserve happiness but I was never for a day ok in a fundmental way with my weight. I DID NOT WANT to accept that being overweight is OK. IT ISN'T. It was when I got really, really angry about being overweight that I started to lose it. I would accept it no longer. For me that non-acceptance was the key. I lost 120lbs and am at 200 now. It is unbelivable how much more I can get done in a day now, how much energy I have and how I can attack and enjoy life. I am a guy and I will not comment on how 'most guys' react to overweight women but it is an issue for many, just being truthful there. I also understand that getting angry doesn't work for everyone but there is also a real danger in being too accepting of being overweight.
I must say that I'm with DiamondGeog on this one. There's NO WAY I could hold my head up high, be happy and positive while I was so overweight. I was disgusted with and unhappy with myself, and so why should any guy feel any different towards me?? I realise I'll probably get shouted down for this, but it's how I feel. Good luck to those of you who can be positive, but I couldn't. Being overweight is a major issue to me, and something I need to overcome before I can get on with my life. I don't want men to have to accept me as being big - I don't accept myself that way. I agree with Larry so far as, I know I'm not a bad person, I just can't be totally happy while I'm overweight. I need to do this to stop me from making myself miss out in life.
You obviously cannot walk into a room holding your head up and smiling when you feel so lousy about yourself. And 9 out of 10 times you will feel lousy about yourself when your overweight AND not doing anything about it.
But me..before I just had my recent weight gain. I was feeling very good about myself. I weighed about 205 lbs. I held my head up high and smiled when I walked into a room. And you know what?
8 out of 10 guys would look at me. And I was by the books overweight. Some would even consider my obese by the charts. And I never had a problem with a man flirting with me, talking to me, asking me for a date.
Of course if I go out, and I am depressed about my weight, and am not trying to lose and I've just given up and I feel lousy, and my hair is just thrown up and I don't really care how I dress..of course men are not going to take a second look. But regardless of my weight, regardless of anyones weight, we are beautiful.
It is not healthy to be overweight. And we all would look better at our ideal weight.
But the question was. Do men find overweight women attractive? Yes they do. Do men find average women attractive? Yes they do. Do men find underweight women attractive? Yes they do.
All women are attractive. It has to do with how you carry yourself and how you portray yourself to the world.
Does this mean we should all sit back and not worry about our weights, because there is someone out there that would love us regardless? Of course not. But were losing for us. Not to make some man happy he can wrap his arms around my waste.
I am not naieve to say that I don't care about weight and I would be attracted to a very overweight man. I most likely wouldn't. But I am very openminded. I love all different types of men. It's about the chemistry more than anything.
I don't think this question was about accepting ourselves overweight and expecting others to accept it either.
To answer the original question...No I do not have a hard time meeting men and dating because of my weight.
One thing though - yes, we can be overweight and beautiful, but... and I'm sorry to say this, I don't think we can be overweight and PHYSICALLY beautiful. An obese person is NOT nice to look at, however well presented and immaculate they are, and I say this having been one for a big part of my life.
I would like to say though, that you're very lucky to have been overweight and have so many men show an interest in you. Maybe I'm living in the wrong country. lol I do really admire your attitude though, I must say.
I was away for a few days and didnt know if I'd get much of a response-but wow!!
I am still working on losing weight (so far I have lost 41 pounds) but I dont want to sit at home all weekend either. I thought about joining our local "parents without partners" group here. (I have a 6 year old son.) They have meetings and dances periodically. There are some coworkers whove invited me to "girls night out" with them and I think I will take them up on it!
I like the advice if you feel good about yourself and appear upbeat it attracts people to you and if you feel insecure it will drive them away. I am always the talker, the funny one, etc.. so hopefully that shouldnt be a problem. I do have a few "plus size" friends who have no problem dating though, so there must be something to it. I will look my best (which I always try to do even going to starbucks or the store, etc...) and just enjoy myself if I meet a guy or not. It would be nice to find a companion though.
I've not been on for a few days so I'm just now reading some of these replies.
In my adult life I've weighed anywhere from 165 to 332. I've basically been treated the same by others no matter my weight. You can be upbeat and have a great attitude at 332lbs. I'm not happy with my weight right now for health reasons and that's why I'm working very hard to get rid of a lot of it, but that doesn't mean that I can't or don't present myself to others in a positive way. If you treat others as you would like to be treated they will more than likely respond positively to you.
It is what's on the inside that counts. It's a shame that some people don't like there insides until there outsides are "perfect."
I have to throw in having been on both ends of the spectrum. I have been fat all of my life. I got fat on purpose to make myself invisible to men. I didn't know it at the time but that was why I was fat. I never dated and was afraid of the prospect. Then when I was 26 years old I took a long look at myself and got honest with myself. Why I was fat and what was I going to do about it. I came to grips with my past trauma and deceided to change my life. I joined a gym and met a wonderful trainer who taught me to love fitness. Along with it came a love of myself. The weight came off and I blossomed. I went from 319 to 226 in about a year and with each pound found a new beauty in myself every day. The feeling with in changed how I reacted to men and this is what made them notice me. All of a sudden I was the bell of the ball so to speak. I had more interest than I knew what to do with. This made me freak a little having never experienced this before. My brain sent my body back into invisible mode and I started gaining weight again. Whats interesting though is that I didn't do it conscioulsy(SP?) and so the way I reacted to men was the same as when I was thinner. I didn't feel fat anymore. I felt like I was that beauty still. I still got the attention I did when I was thinner. I saw finally that it wasnt my body that was the attraction but just plain old me. I met my fiance last year at 304lbs. He had never dated a fat girl before. He has always told me its my strong spirit that caught his eye. Knowing there were men out there who would love me for me and not my body gives me power. I just started again on my weight loss journey. This time though not for a beautiful body but for the strength it gives me when I have control over my own mind. Know your worth and others will see it. The important ones anyway. There will always be those who only see the surface and thats cool too. It allows us to see the different degrees and levels of the human spirit. Can you be Fat and happy? NO, not because your fat but because you choose to label yourself and restrict what you are. Happiness can not be restricted. Good luck to you and I wish you peace of mind and serenity.
Thanks Sarah!
Wow, you have been through a lot, huh? I feel fine about myself but of course I would like to be thinner. I have lost weight but for some reason I havent tried hard enough to keep losing more. I guess when I posted this topic I just wanted a little "pep rally". When you are 19 and meet a guy, date and get married at 22 and have only really been with him your whole life and now you are single again at 33-- its quite different! At first I told myself I wasnt gonna think about dating until I was divorced, but now if nothing else I'd like to get out and meet some new people through parenting clubs, outings with the girls at work, etc and just mingle and see what happens.
thanks everyone for all the responses-I really didnt think this thread would see this much action!
question about being single & overweight...
what a response!!
