I guess the main point of my following rant is to just get it off my chest!!
I think I've finally hit "rock bottom" -- after losing 30 pounds last summer, it's all back as of today and then a few. I've eaten so much the last few days, my ankles are so swollen I can't bend them, my toes look like pickled pigs feet and I'm absolutely exhausted -- so is this how I'm supposed to learn my lesson because I've been close to here before and it never seems to work.
My marriage is falling apart because of my weight, my kids are suffering because of my lack of energy and mood swings and I'm getting so I don't want to leave the house because none of my clothes fit.
Can I wake up in a better mood tomorrow, I hope so? Can I get my act togehter and start to exercise/eat better/lose weight? I have no choice at this point. It's either lose weight, improve my life or continue to gain.
My biggest fear is that I will lose again and people will see me pile it back on, as usual. How can you get past that?
Well, I feel better already (okay, not really) but I'm hoping to wake up in the morning with a better mindset -- I can't stand this any more!!!
I feel for you - i know its so hard to lose and gain it back. Especially when you can't fit in your clothes, so you dont leave the house. I only have 1 pair of jeans - so i wear sweats, or workout pants all day and dont leave the house. That in itself is depressing and makes us want to eat more
All we can do is get back too it right? You lost it before - you can do it again - let yourself remember that.
You can do this!! Take a look at what triggered you to gain back your weight before (whether it was one thing or many things), and see if there are any steps you can take to avoid it next time. ...and don't look at this as going over ground you've done before; start with a clean slate approach! This is not you recovering from a failure...it's you starting a success!
And I like EZMONEY's approach...1 pound at a time. You can do this! We're all cheering for you!
I'm sorry you hit this point, Shelby. I have been in your place too many times to count, but you can pull yourself out of it. It's so discouraging to gain back the weight and then some. The prospect of losing it all over again is overwhelming and made me want to hide and cry. But it can be done. It all starts with one tiny decision, then another, then another. Don't look too far ahead to start. You can do it.
Oh Shelby, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so low. You are not alone. So many of us here have been in your shoes and we can all relate to you. This weightloss stuff is one of the most difficult things one has to tackle in life. And it's ongoing. It's a constant and will need to be dealt with forever. But it can be done and you CAN do it. Perhaps take it one step at a time. Go back to basics. Rid your home of all the junk, yes I know you've got kids, but they don't need the junk either. Plan ahead. Map out those healthy meals in advance. Start journaling/tracking your food, your feelings. Whenever you feel like eating, write instead. Read instead. Dance instead. Drink water. Chew gum. Start building better habits. Add in those healthy fruits, vegetables and lean proteins. Get INTO the healthy lifestyle mode. Get EXCITED about it. Get excited about all the good that will come from it. A better, fitter, healthier, more energetic and happier you.
Remember, you only need to get this "right" one time. The past doesn't matter. Only the present.
If there's anything you need Shelby, feel free to PM me.
My biggest fear is that I will lose again and people will see me pile it back on, as usual. How can you get past that?
Hey Shelby - after 20 years of failed "dieting" - starting at 140 and ending at 200, I was terrified of losing weight and gaining it back because I always gained more weight than I lost. Lose 20 lbs, gain 30. Lose 50 lbs, gain 70.
I can only explain what helped me - I had a flash of clarity, it was like I could see what I had done wrong and how to do it right. All those years, I wanted to "diet" for a short time, eating restrictive calories, a lot of fake "diet" foods, hating every minute of it. When I lost the weight, I wanted to eat normal - which for me was venti full fat lattes with syrup and whip cream, loaded nachos with everything and pizza for dinner.
I never had much trouble losing weight, but I could never maintain it. This time, that is what I focused on. I looked at every time I had lost weight and really really honestly and critically looked at why I regained the weight. Every time it was the same thing - I stopped dieting and started eating "normally." Bingo - my normal way of eating made me fat. I had to change how I ate normally.
I love to eat, I love food, I look forward to eating, love restaurants. How could I eat "normally" and maintain weight loss? I had to change how I ate, but I still had to LIKE the foods I ate. I never looked forward to my diet foods, my Michelina 200 calorie pastas, yoplait 100 calorie yogurt, plain chicken, ice berg lettuce served with squeezed lemon. I always felt hungry and restless (munchy) and anxious for it the diet to be over. I often "binged" during these diets, uncontrollable eating where I couldn't stop.
Right around that time, I read Super Foods Rx: 14 Foods That Will Change Your Life and the other piece of the puzzle fell into place for me. Change how I eat normally AND concentrate on the healthiest foods possible. I decided to focus on eating foods that had a powerful nutritional benefit (beans, salmon, spinach, blueberries, walnuts) and avoid foods that had little to no nutritional benefit (white rice, packaged baked goods, soda, fast food, booze, candy).
I got EXCITED by the idea of using food as disease/aging preventatives. Since all 4 of my grandparents died much too early (cancer, cancer, diabetes, complictions of alzheimers, respectively) I was very interested by the idea that spinach is good for the eyes, blueberries are good for the brain, yogurt helps the gut, tomatoes protect the skin, etc.
The combination of thoughts - change how I eat normally + eat foods with powerful nutritional benefit - created a healthy life style change and I never doubted, never faltered, never once thought I wouldn't lose the weight and keep it off. I love all the foods I eat, giving up most processed foods (and as a side result, most sugar) woke my tongue up to the good taste of natural foods. Blackberries, greek yogurt, baked sweet potato, grilled salmon - all taste wonderful.
What I do is so easy to stick to - I have a lot of healthy habits (food planning, lots of trips to the grocery store, favorite healthy meals to make). I also feel incredible. I used to fall asleep every day at work, I was dopey, lethargic, depressed. Now I zing with energy. The "restless" eating has stopped 99%, since I'm finally giving my body all the nutrition it craves, it has ceased endlessly searching for what it needs. I no longer constantly open the refrigerator door to look what's in there or raid the cabinets at night. I don't binge anymore, which is a huge miracle to me.
It's hard to explain, but losing 75 lbs and keeping it off for 2.5 years has been the easiest thing (eat more good foods) and the hardest thing (eating good foods can not happen by accident in our culture) I have ever done. It is easy, but a lot of work. Meal planning, shopping, cooking, packing lunches, being prepared, making good decisions in restaurants - it IS a lot of work, but I love my life now and will never go back to the old, fat, unhappy me.
Good luck - you have more precious reasons than I did to change your life and want to live a long time to see your kids grow up. PM me if you ever need help!
A little off-topic, but Glory's post so perfectly sums up the lifestyle change that's needed to lose and keep off weight that I had to put a copy in the Best of Maintainers sticky. She nailed the keys to success, right there in a nutshell.
Thank you all SO much. It's so nice to get advice from people who have been there, it definitely sounds less condiscending coming from people I know have been there, as oppossed to my husband and his "just stop eating the junk" opinion and being told to exercise and eat right. Not exactly practical advice for someone with a hugh eating disorder!! My husband just has no patience for it and I guess I don't blame him. I think it is time I become a little self centered and start worring about me and my kids and not him for a while.
And, Gary thanks for jumping in too -- I always seem to think of the 100 pounds and how impossible that is -- I always forget it comes off one pound at a time -- even though it feels like it went on in 10 pound incriments.
Robin -- you are just my idol -- I can't even put into words how helpful your posts have been to me from the start, even though I still can't seem to get my act together, I still learn so much from you!!
Thank you to everyone -- each and every post has helped me get myself settled down and calm!!
So, I woke up this morning and my feet are back to normal, so at least I can bend my ankles again!! Not in much better of a mood, but starting again anyway. I just feel like I could cry over this, like it happened overnight. Maybe I'm having "back to school seasonal affective disorder"!! One day at a time, one pound at a time and one stressor to deal with at at time!!
shelby, I don't have much to add to what those other wonderful members have posted for you--but it occurred to me that some counseling might be helpful. These days it's not as hard as it used to be to find counselors who have experience dealing with eating problems. Maybe your physician could give you a referral. The mood swings, the binge eating... all of that sounds like some outside help might not be a bad idea.
Please hang in there! Many of us have lost and gained and lost and gained again, but we are determined to change the pattern!
Thank you Jay -- I've actually had a little, little bit of counseling in the past, until my husband found out and made it a little difficult to go (he was concerned since our insurance was through his employer, someone would find out, which is rediculous and he doesn't believe in "anxiety/depression, etc.!!) -- I think when the kids go back to school next week, I will look up my old counselor and try to start again (on the sly!!, so my husband can't hinder it). I've tried a nutritionist, but I think my issues are not with food, that's just what I've chosen to compensate with.
Thanks again everyone -- you are all such wonderful, caring individuals.
I'm falling apart!!
