I really thought that I had dealt with my ED in therapy a few years back. I learned to practice intuitive eating and deal better with my emotions. Now, I find myself right back to where I started. I had a major life change recently (birth of my first child). I love my baby to death, but this major change has brought me right back into the arms of my food addiction.
Every day I take the baby to buy binge foods. I eat almost all day and spend most of my day thinking about what I want to binge on next. I just can't seem to stop. I gained 22 lbs during my pregnancy. Since having the baby, I gained back the weight I lost during/right after childbirth plus an extra 10. If I keep gaining like this, I will become morbidly obese in no time.
I don't even know where to start. I made a call to a therapist who specializes in ED. I hope she calls me back so that I can get a session set up (assuming they take my insurance). Tomorrow, I plan to call the local OA person to find out about current meetings and get her opinion about which one is most appropriate for a newby.
What else should I do? I just want to stop eating and move on from this.
Ask yourself: what's the next right thing I can do? Don't buy the binge food--find something else to do. Call a friend. Come here and post. Clean. Take a nap, I'm sure with a new baby you need sleep! Once you do that right thing, what's the next right thing? Etc. Keep it going until you have a string of "right things"...and then do the next one.
Food is cunning and baffling--and sneaky! It will come back, even when you're convinced it's gone. I'm sorry you're facing it again, but we're here to listen.
I am in your shoes too hun, struggling every single day, all day frigging long. I wonder if it will ever stop, the constant "thoughts of food". I struggle every single day, every hour, every minute really. It helps to come here and read others posts and stuff though. Hang in there and take in the advice on here.....it has helped me some already.
We must take our eyes off the problem and focus on the solution. The big book has the promises that are available to who ever has the courage to do the 12 steps. Just for today you can eat what is on your food plan, call someone, pray, write, read and go to a meeting.
I'm having a really hard time not stopping on the way home from somewhere to get a "fix". I always tell the people at the register, if I get say 3 slices of pizza, "oh it's for my sister". It's so embarassing and I hate it. I can't stop thinking about it. You're not alone! We're all gonna get through this. <3
Hi Ann, Thanks for sharing so honestly. I hope things are getting better for you. I just wanted to say that I think you’re very brave to share about how difficult new motherhood can be, no matter how joyful it is at the same time.
At the other end of the parenting spectrum – my daughters are young adults now – I’m 43, and was a very young Mum - I know in hindsight that all my food issues were triggered by the enormity of becoming a parent.
I think it’s great that you took the action in seeking a therapist and posting here. You obviously are very in tune with your food issues and I believe that the hard work you put in before – intuitive eating etc. will kick in for you again. I know for me that the healing begins when I connect with other recovering people. That’s not to say that other people make my decisions, but what seems to be happening for me is that by humbly asking for help, I’m guided back to trust my own blossoming intuition. And that, for me, is a miracle. Just for today.
I everyone. I can really relate! Here I am on vacation, I have been in OA 6 weeks, using all the tools, enjoying my food plan, found a meeting in the area we are on vacation, went to the meeting, emailed my sponsor and then... today... in the midst of making out the shopping list for the food plan I start having these thoughts about treats, cookies, chips...all my red foods. Then I start to shake all over because I am terrified. I call my sponsor (she is 3 states away) and gratefully she is there. I cried and cried and she listened and listened and gave me exactly what I needed. I told my husband and made a promise to him and God and my sponsor I would keep my abstinence.
Now 2 hours later I have my serenity back, had a wonderful abstinent lunch and I am off to the grocery store for the things only on my list.
We have a disease and OA is my chemotherapy, I will do what it takes.
Bumps... in the road again that's me
Natalie--I've done the excuses too. I've pulled up at a fast food drive through, ordered a ton of food and made a joke about how it was for my coworkers. I've said similar things at Supermarket checkout lines. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of being deceitful. I'm sick of the lies and hiding food. I wish I would have taken the steps to deal with this at a younger age (like you). I'm 35 now, married, and with a new child, and I'm dealing with it now. Better late than never, but I would really like to encourage you to try to tackle your disorder now. I'm not talking about dieting or exercising, but doing the "real" physical, emotional, and spiritual work to overcome it. Go to an OA meeting. If you're not comfortable going nearby, maybe you can find one in another town where you're less likely to know someone?
Bumps--You are amazing. Your experiences are truly inspiring me. I'm so happy that you were able to get the support you needed from your sponsor, your husband, and God. Keep it up!
Searsha--(((HUGS))) and thanks for your kind words and support.
Just can't seem to stop the bingeing...
I'm sorry you're facing it again, but we're here to listen.
