[LWM]

Bear with me, please, for starting this thread. This is a parenting thing, and I'm looking for advice/input/perspective. Everyone here is always so thoughtful with their responses, it seemed like an obvious choice...

My daughter will be starting Kindergarten in the fall (where did the time go?). I work part-time and will be able to pick her up at school two days per week. Unfortunately, the dismissal time at the school were I work is later than her school's time, so I won't be home in time to get her on the other three days. Our school has an extended day program that we can access, except (and here is my dilemma)...

We have very good friends who live across the street. Their daughter will also be starting K in the fall. The girls are the closest of friends and love spending time together. My friend has graciously volunteered to pick up my daughter on the days when I am working and watch her (about 30 minutes) until I get home. Unfortunately, however, although we are good friends, we have very different parenting styles when it comes to safety issues. Since we live close to the school, our street is very busy during drop-off and pick-up times. If we happen to be out walking during this time, I usually have a death grip on my daughter's hand. My neighbor's kids, however, are as much as a block away, paying no attention to the cars, driveways, etc. This is especially troublesome since the girls will be walking home from school most days (barring really bad weather).

I tried to broach this subject with my friend, but she honestly feels that she is an overprotective parent who (her words) "should really let the girls take more chances" (they also have a daughter who is 3). My daughter, of course, is fully expecting to go home with them on the days when I have to work. I feel very awkward about turning them down in favor of the afterschool care program.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? Am I being overprotective? I can't help but think that my general anxiety about DD starting Kindergarten is coloring my judgement...

Sorry for the length...

~Laura

[royalsfan1]

I think your judgement is right on the mark! There is no rule that says that just because you're very good friends you have to entrust your daughter to her. I'm not saying she's a bad mom...but if your styles differ I think you will not only be stressed worrying about your daughter but I think you'll definitely put a strain on your friendship. An unnecessary strain, at that.

Since you did ask I'll tell you that my opinion would be to use the school's program. Anytime you place your child in the care of someone else you want to know they'll treat them as you would. For your sanity, for your friendship, and for your daughter's well-being I think you should go with your gut on this one.

Good luck!

[SexyRevealed]

I don't think you are overreacting. I think 5 years old is too young to walk home alone, especially in these crazy days and times. I have just started to let my 8 year old son play outside by himself. You know your child better than anyone, and you have to do what's best for her safety. I know you don't want to offend your neighbor, but I would go with my gut feeling on this one.

[Brendansmum]

I totally agree with the above. Go with your gut instinct on this one. My Mom has a tendency to let my kids do as they please at her house, which means doing a lot of things I wouldn't approve of. That is why she doesn't watch them very often. I know if you did let this friend watch your daughter you would be worried sick everyday wondering what was going on, I would!! But I may be overprotective myself. I would just let her know you are going to let your daughter go to the afterschool program to make some new friends or something. My oldest starts kindergarten this year as well, time does fly doesn't it?!!

[ibbasquish]

I really feel for you, it is a tough one!!! However, you just have too much at stake! It will be hard not offending your friend, but at the same time you really have no choice.

[Tonia]

Laura,
You are smart to be concerned and obviously your instinct is telling you something - listen to it!!! I have had a similar situation and sat down with my friend and thanked her for being such a wonderful friend but that I am going to put my child in the afterschool care for two reasons:

1) I did not want to take advantage of her.
2) Things change so quickly that I really needed to go with the option that provides the most stability for my daughter. This is so true, what if the family is sick (they will be), what if the girls fight (they will), what if in Kindergarden one of the girls becomes better friends with someone else (very likely). There are a whole lot of possibilites here.

Your friend will understand and may be a little grateful. And extra child can mean a lot - even for half and hour - if you need to run errands, make appointments, meet with the teacher, whatever.

Best of luck to you!

[shelby897]

I agree with everyone else -- this is your child, not a favorite shirt!! If she makes an error in judgement with your daughter, the consequences are permanent. Take the after school care ---- letting your friend know you didn't want to take advantage of her, worry about not getting out of work on time, etc. Anything to not cause waves, but if it has to be, your daugther's safety comes first.

[GirlyGirlSebas]

Hi Laura,

Go with your mother's instinct and put her in aftercare. Personally, I don't think there is such a thing as being overprotective at this age. There are too many children getting hurt in this world.

[suzie76]

Hi,

I agree with everyone else-use the aftercare at school. You don't want to spend that whole thirty minutes worrying if something has happened.


Also, what if your friend's child is sick one day and she can't pick up your daughter, or if she has an appointment or anything else comes up. At least with the aftercare at school you know their whole focus is taking care of your child.

I don't think five year olds should be allowed to "take chances" while walking home on a busy street!

My son is almost eight, and it's not very long ago that I let him play in our backyard alone or with his friends.. Of course, I look out the windows every so often to check on him. My dh thinks I'm checking on him too often, but he's at work every night, and I'm the one home responsible, so I do what I feel is necessary. Last night, two girls from across the street were here and they said they were allowed to cross alone (they're eight) I still walked them to the curb a few houses down and told them when it wasy okay to cross. Neither of their parents were outside, so I felt responsible..neither of their parents even told me they were coming over, either-they just showed up. That bugs me a little, but that's just me!

Sherry

[barbygirl43]

I would be terrified about letting a 5 YO free reign walking home after school with all that traffic. It just takes a second for a child to dart in front of traffic. I too would opt for the after school program. I think Tonia gave you some great tips for telling the mom why you're choosing that.

[tsinitia]

I have been in a very similar situation. Go with your gut instinct. When it comes to your children be overprotective. That is our right as Mothers. Animal mothers don't worry about offending another mother.

This may sound harsh but what would you do if something happened to your baby? Would you honestly look back and say "Well, at least I didn't offend her friend's mother."? No.

Go with your gut!