[Tara]

Hi ladies.

Well its over - she is gone As soon as I got home from work she was ready to eat - so I had to do it then. I got her carrying case and put a nice fluffy towel in it - and then put her food in there (on the plate). She hesitated a bit - but went in and I put the top on while she ate. She never cried at all. SHE WAS SO GOOD! I am very glad she was. I just whisked her away and off we went - she never cried in the car either. I felt really bad though - because I made her sit in there on her food! I had no choice - she wouldn't go in without it. Oh well....I did what I had to do.

She let the vet handle her - she acted so brave. I cried the WHOLE TIME I was there - thank god the vet was very very nice (she was a lady). She told me that Mittens was definately dehydrated (she could tell by her eyes) and that she probably had some kidney damage. THEN she found the 2 tumors on her belly and told me that she definately had cancer and this kind is bad. I mean she could have been operated on - but she wasn't sure she could handle the anesthesia. I told her she is too old - I can't put her through all that. Then she told me I could have her put to sleep. She also told me that at this stage in her life - its not a bad thing to do that. That made me feel better.

So that was my decision - I felt really REALLY bad about it - but I know I did the right thing. She was very sick - I mean for her to let the vet handle her - she must have been sick. She was always very hard to handle.

I signed the papers and they are going to have her creamated and I am going to get her ashes. I felt I should have them - I mean she was my cat for 17 years. It costs extra - but that is ok. She is worth it.

I got to spend some alone time with her - and I did. I talked to her told her how brave she was and kissed her a few times on her head. She just layed there - like she knew! I felt horrible, really horrible.

Then I left and came home. I swear I haven't stopped crying and under my eyes is so red from the tissue - it hurts!

This is just SO HARD! I can't believe it - I really can't. I mean I have never had to do something so hard. With the exception of my 12 year old niece that passed away from cystic fibrosis in June 2000 - this is up there with that!

Anyway I am so drained that I am off to bed. I just wanted to let you all know what happened. I have to find a good picture and then I will post it.

Goodnite,
Tara

[judygal]

Oh Tara... sweet wonderful Tara. I wish there was a something I could say to make you feel better. Just know that I'm here for you, sweetie.

Love,
Judy

[Tara]

Thanks Judy! - I appreciate it. I am feeling alittle better tonite - but its just very hard.

Tara

[Tara]

Here is a good picture - its from 1994 and she was 9 years old here. She looked the same today - just skinnier..

[emmy]

Tara....I am so sorry. I have had cats that I loved and lost too. Your Mittens loks just like our "Puddin " who was hit by a car.....I know that it hurts. But ya know you did the right thing and you didn't put Mittens through surgery and more suffering. Do you have any other cats?? It always helped me to get a new kitten.....

Take care
emmy

[Candicej]

Oh Tara my heart goes out to you...there is nothing like having to make that decision and then second guessing yourself! It was for the best but the tears and hurt will last along time! It has been 6 years since we put our dog (Dusty) to sleep and I still go out and talk to him( he is buried by my garden) and still shed tears over him too. He was very sick and couldn't eat so he was slowly starving to death. We loved him like our kids! The memories will never fad, they are family! Now for another kleenex!

The picture is so cute..looks just like my moms cat!

[MichelleK]

Tara I'm really really sorry about your cat. I know just how you feel. The week that I moved from RI to Pennsylvania I had to put my Keeshound down. SHe was my baby...I had her for 10 years and she was glued to my left hip! They are just like kids! And with moving alone and leaving my family it was awful!

Just know that you did the right thing! Keeping her alive would have been a selfish thing to do if she was really sick and in any pain! I new that if I had Quiche operated on it would have been for my own self. She was at the point where she couldn't even stand up by herself! She had a good life!! I still miss her to this day!

Ok I need kleenex now too! Keep the memories!!

Michelle

[PJ]

Geeez Tara, I haven't even noticed this post on here since I've been wisking in and wisking out.
I am sooo sorry about your kitty. I've had to put two very old cats to sleep. One was about 18 and the other about 15. The 18 year old was wailing outrside and I knew he wanted to come in. He NEVER wanted to come inside but I just knew it was "his time". My father had a fit (this was a long time ago when I was a teenager) because he didn't want the cat in the house but when he saw him..just lying there on my bed....unable to get up or raise his head.....he just sat there with me....my Mom too. Then he let out this long howl-like meow.....it was so awful and then he was gone. I've also been the one to put our 16 year old Pomeranian to sleep....we had HIM in an oxygen tank for 4 days and besides costing a fortune....he couldn't survive outside of it....so it was really for the best.....and then there was my Tara (an alaskan malamute that I got from the pound). Oh God Tara.....I can remember every moment of every time I've had to do this and it never gets easier but you've got to believe and understand that you really DID do the right thing. I can tell you're an animal lover and I can certainly relate because I am too. My heart goes out to you Tara and keep those ashes in a safe place unless you can bury them somewhere that you know will not be disturbed. Some people might think I'm nuts but I still have my dog, Jake's ashes. He was our 11 yr. old Golden Retriever that died of a massive cyst on his heart. Was ridden with cancer. Anyway, some day....when Bill and I figure out where we're really going to settle down.....I'm going to bury his "urn" and make a marker.....but a cheerful one because he was so much fun when he was well.
Sweet dreams Tara....and just remember that your cat is now one of your Guardian Angels now.
Hugs,

[Tara]

Thanks Everyone! I am feeling better - I have another cat (she is just 8 years old) and she is a godsend! She has been sticking by my side ever since Wednesday. She knows I need her and I am happy about that

PJ - I can't imagine having to do that more than once! I know I did the right thing though - it was just so darn hard! I am going to keep her ashes in my room - some think that is morbid - but she was MY cat for 17 years - I owe that to her! It won't bother me - I have to pick out the urn this week.

Tara