Okay, we've got to get Jennifer and Suzanne up here for buttertarts, girls. It's too ridiculous not to have even TASTED them!

Den, put those empty toilet rolls in the recycle bin. Your children are too old for crafts, and we don't want you turning into a packrat.

Oh my gosh! I just thought of something! My DH has a sugar packet collection from a bunch of different countries. I wonder how much I could get for them...

EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!

Just had my first good day in i don't know HOW long and you are talking buttertarts!!!!!
If I lived closer I'd come up there and smack you Mauvais!!! (Who am I kidding? I'd be eating the buttertarts!!!)

Ellis-YUP!! Just yelled at my family to do that too. I'm sick of going into the bathroom and seeing 6 or 8 of them sitting in there!!!

I have a European hotel soap, stationary and room service menu collection! I was a teenager when I went, and coming back through customs the guy looked in my bag and then slowly back at me...I had an entire duffel bag of the stuff, I was so humiliated. But I didn't have to pay duty!

Jen,
reminds me of that commercial where the guy has all the towels, soaps and other hotel thingies, and the announcer says " like to collect stuff?" not sure what they are selling but the 20 or so pairs of cheap slippers under his bed cracks me up..

A guy from Detroit dies and is sent to ****. He has been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make things worse he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.

After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately, The devil is aghast as the Detroiter is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"

The Detroiter, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Detroit. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!.

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Detroiter's remarks.
He then decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving
rain and torrential wind. Soon, **** is a wet and muddy mess. Walking
in the mud to his knees and rain blowing into his eyes, the Detroiter
is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of
crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such
conditions. The Detroiter replies, "This is great Just like April in
Detroit. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!."

The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make
the Detroiter suffer.

He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly **** is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the Detroiter unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again aghast at what he sees. The Detroiter is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero?" Screams the devil.
Jumping up and down the Detroiter throw a snowball at the devil and yells,
"****'s frozen over! This means the Lions won the Super Bowl!"


This is SO true it is funny to me even though I hate football. The only unrealistic thing? A TRUE Detroiter complains about the weather no matter what it is!!!

Up until the Super Bowl thing, I could totally relate. :rofl:

WOW!

scotch AND humor. i'll have to think of something good to contribute.

thanks for the laughs, ladies. and it's a **** of a diet plan... i had to stop eating breakfast to avoid spitting it at the monitor repeatedly. *g*

heh heh heh, good one Den :rofl:

Dear Dog and Cat:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is therefore not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me does not help either, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will resort to sleeping on the sofa to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of*dogs and*cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this room, I will come out the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years. Canine attendance has never been necessary.

The proper order is kiss me, and then go smell the other*dogs' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Now, In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you do not want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it is an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and does not speak clearly.

5.*Dogs and*cats are better than kids. They eat less, do not ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, do not hang out with drug-using friends, do not smoke or drink, do not worry about buying the latest fashions, do not wear your clothes, do not need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

:rofl: Star, that's a good one :rofl:

VERY funny!!! Just one thing...My cat gets in my face, nags, and won't take "no" for an answer. ALMOST as bad as the kids!!!

:rofl: Those were great Den and Star Princess!

:rofl: Star,
how funny, but oh so true.. my loveable furball if he gets in a room wants out, if he gets out, wants in, caterwauling, and trying to open door with paw underneath the whole time. gotta love the furballs :lol:

:rofl: What is it about bathrooms and dogs??? Thanks Star, great way to start the day with a chortle :D

Okay....it's not Scotch but it's darn funny:

Paddy, the Famous Irishman is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.

Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop.

The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing.

Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, "Fer Chris sakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"


:rofl: