My, how attractive, Teufelchen. :rofl:

Me too.

I live alone. Heh.

I'm not surprised, Snack. :rofl: admit it... you were setting me up for that one...

Ellis - you are an evil woman. :s: No wonder we love you so much. :love:

:devil:

Yup! Instead of Victoria's Secret we have Snow Queen's Secret full of us sexy Canadian chicks in our longjohns and fuzzy polar bear slippers :lol:

"And this is our lovely model Mauvaisroux, seen here at her computer in a lovely pair of dove grey waffleweave longjohns and azure gaming convention baby-t and leopard print slippers. Note the designer cat eye shaped leopard print glasses with matching hairclip to hold her fiery tresses back for that all important raving intellectual look - yes she's a Northern dream in this fabulous ensemble!"

*Limited edition-get yours now while quantities last.
** Sorry no rainchecks.

:rofl: I'll take a size XL, please.

What a mess! Isn't this the Scotch and Humour thread!? :rofl:

Would love to get in on the cat glasses & hair clip...Mauvais girl you crack me up! :rofl:

In Honor of Stupid People In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

FUNNY!!! I want to know what the "other use" is for a Japanese food processor!!!

I dunno if I wanna know. LOL!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: .. made me smile. much needed this morning. thanks for the giggle noodles. the chainsaw.. too funny

Good Jokes, Noodles!

Simple Pizza Order, 2014
 

Simple pizza order, 2014


Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut."

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order."

Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number? Yeah, hold on. It's
6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742
Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number
over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302, and your cell number's 266-2566. I
see you are calling from home, sir."


Customer: Where d'ya get all that information?"


Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well. I'd like to order a couple of your
all-meat special pizzas..."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."


Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very
high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health
Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."


Customer: " What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat soybean yogurt pizza. I'm sure
you'll like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out "Gourmet Soybean Recipes" from your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones,then.
What's the damage?"

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four
kids, sir. The "damage," as you put it, comes to $49.99."

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your
driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."

Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?"

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're
out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little
awkward."

Customer: "How the **** do you know I'm riding a bike?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so
your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd
be using it."

Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got
a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of
Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents
us from offering free soda to diabetics.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

(Getting to be too close to the truth though!!!)