Signs that you may be Canadian:
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You know that the Dicky-Dee vendors take Canadian Tire money.
You have a firearm that's been in the family for at least one generation and name it after the person who originally owned it -- "Fetch me Grampa's gun, I'm going hunting, eh."
You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".
You are moved to tears by those Bell Canada phone commercials they show around Remembrance Day, where the grandson calls his grandad from Dieppe. You understand the manipulative nature of the advertisement, but continue to be moved, nonetheless.
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine".
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You own a pot-bellied stove. (Extra points if it's "been in the family" for a while.)
You know what it means to be on pogey.
You know what a two-four of Blue is.
You know what screech and alcool is.
You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars
and no Americans.
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he/she has.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know Toronto is not a province.
You know that Ottawa and not Toronto is the capital of Canada.
You're pretty sure you can see Alex Trebek smirking when Jeopardy contestants get the "Canada questions" wrong. Even if you weren't sure of the answer yourself, you consider yourself a hundred times smarter than the idiots who always guess, "What is .. uh, Toronto?"
You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
You know that Mounties don't always look like that.
You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up.
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.
You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.
You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.
You think Peter Kent is sexy.
You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if they edited out your carefully prepared rant against the Harris government.
You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.
You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few months early.
You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You wonder why Stompin' Tom doesn't get his own category in all three.
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada, and you make a mental note to mention it at work tomorrow.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You know what a tuque is.
You know what Timbits, Nanaimo bars, Pogos, Sugar Pie, and Beavertails are.
You know who Doug and Bob are.
You've bought wine at a dépanneur.
You played shinny hockey as a kid.
Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
You participated in "Participaction". (bonus points if you still have the pin)
You experience a warm fuzzy feeling while picturing a fat man with a blonde Mr. Spock haircut giving a recorder recital to an audience of two: an orange and purple sleepy-eyed giraffe with a voice like Lee Marvin and a pin-headed hyper rooster who is made out of a flannel tea cozy and lives in a bag on the wall.
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
You've got some rocks and you've got to leave an important message -- Lucky you know how to build an Innukshuk!
You find it difficult to explain "milk in a bag" to non-Canadians, and even more difficult to describe the "snippy-thing" used on bag corners. (Bonus points if your collected snippy-things are stuck to your fridge.)
Your local zoo is mainly flamingoes, giraffes and sad elephants freezing their asses off against a backdrop of pine trees, grey skies, and Precambrian shield formations.
You live in a "beach town" and have to eat your brothers and sisters to stay alive during the winter months.
You're proud that Captain Kirk came from Montreal.
You wished that Relic's boat would get crushed to bits by one of those logs.
You've frozen your tongue to something metal and lived to tell about it.
You talk about the weather with friends and strangers alike.
You know what to do with all parts of a buffalo.
Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.
You have a Prime Minister who isn't fluent in either of the official languages.
Your car has a cord and plug sticking out of the grill connected to a block heater. (bonus points if you have a set of booster cables in your trunk)
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
The trunk of your car doubles as a portable deep freeze.
You automatically read 'Z' as 'Zed' and don't give a damn that it doesn't rhyme with "now I know my abcs".
You carry empty beer cans from your camping trips home with you in your backpack so you can recycle them when you reach civilization.
You know that the 'Extra Creamy' in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner means "add more milk" (preferably homo).
You steal stationery from your Government of Canada co-operative education placement because you figure you can find lots of uses for paper with 'Human Resources Development Canada/Développement des Ressources Humaines Canada' written at the top.
You know the difference between real snow and "television" snow -- the white stuff that passes for snow on tv and in films. You scream, "For Christsake! That should be sticking to their pants!" and "Lookit, it's not melting! That's *so* not snow!" when watching 'Winter' scenes.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You are reading every line of this list instead of merely scanning over it.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize.
When abroad, you have a cold fear that somebody might mistake you for an American. You make a point of deliberately being kind to locals just to make it clear you are a Canadian, and you wear a maple leaf pin.
You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
You never miss "Coaches Corner".
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -40C a little chilly.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter and Road Construction.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.. .
You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your *** and the hair and three layers of skin is worn off the front of your thighs from carrying your pocket money around.) The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
You found any of this funny.
~flower
but I dare any of his friends to be that quick on the draw 
