ohhh...that was cute! Thanks flower!

<< >The real truth>>According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,
while both male and >female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year
(the only members of >the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so), male
reindeer drop their >antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late
November to mid December.>>Female reindeer retain their antlers till after
they give birth in the >spring.>>Therefore, according to every historical
rendition depicting Santa's >reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph
to Blitzen......had to be >a girl.>>We should've known.>>Only women would be
able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around >the world in one
night, and not get
lost.>>******************************************* ****************************

:lol: :lol: :lol:

You girls are killing me! I am trying not to laugh out loud at work! :lol:

GOOD ONE FLOWER!!!!

A little Canadian political humour
 

Prime Minister Jean Chretien wanted a postage stamp issued with his picture on it, so he instructed his staff to have one commissioned, stressing that it should be of the highest quality. The stamps are created, printed and released.

Jean Chretien is very pleased with the results, but within a few days of the release of the stamp, his office started receiving complaints that the stamp was not sticking, Mr. Chretien became infuriated at this and called the head of Canada Post and ordered that the matter be investigated.

The officials at Canada Post looked into the matter at several post offices, and sent their report to Mr. Chretien.

The report stated, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is that people are spitting on the wrong side."

oooh...DIS!

ooooh la la.... that is GOOD, Mauvais! :lol:

VERY FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

(dentrassi's DH here: That was the funniest Canadian political joke since the Conservative-Reform Alliance Party figured out that they'd have to change their name [CRAP]!)

To Dentrassi's DH: Yes that "CRAP" thing was hysterical and the press had a field day with it :lol: I can't believe no one from the parties caught it before they put it up for public consumption!

The press here regularly have hay days with our government. Ditto with yours. :D

Hey! Who are you calling a moron?!?!? Why them's fightin woids!
:lol: No, nothing of interest in the news these days :rolleyes:

Moron and Cretin.......what's the world coming to?

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses, then yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful."
She knocks on wood for good measure, then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."


,,,,,,,,,,,,,


The psychiatrist's receptionist went to her boss and said, "doctor,
there's a man in the office who thinks he's invisible."
The psychiatrist replied, "tell him I can't see him."

,,,,,,,,,,,

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is
using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendale's.

This guy was lonely so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my effing shoes!"

I think I may have already posted this one, but I'm cold and crabby, so you can all darned well read it again. :D

FACTS

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(Who knew? Who cares!)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)