[1Bluerose68]

I am turning the big 50 this month, and yet I still fell like I haven't done much w/ myself in life. I did the college stuff, and I have a job that I have had for many years after college. But; in turning 50 I feel like I have lived such a very very sheltered life, as if I were a Catholic Nun.

Mom did a very good job all through my teen yrs in keeping me strictly sheltered. Then after HS I met a guy in college. We had dated for almost 10 yrs. We stayed together until I completed my graduate studies in Education, and then we went our separate ways.

I miss him. We went to nice places and he was a great tutor too. I learned from his mom, 10 yrs after we went our separate ways, that he had died. I was so surprised.

I really saw his future as bright. I only wished him the best in life after we departed. I just wish he could have written me a lil note informing me of his illness so I might have been able to find the right resources for him.

He was so smart, and so creative, and a great hiking partner too.

1 time we even met an Indian Chief while taking a hike in Yosemite. He was dressed in full feathers from head to toe. I had a premonition dream the morning before a very sad experience of an American Indian Man only wearing a white dress shirt, red neck tie, and navy blue dress slacks.

He and I were conversing. I was about 4 or 5 yrs old in this dream. I saw this red water coming out of the top water fall where I was in my dream. I asked him in my dream, why was the water from the fall red. He told me that was the last place where some very sad men go when they die.

I never forgot that dream. It was the morning that changed my life and unfortunately had to grow up and take on the REAL Stress of running a home, and being The Responsible Adult in Charge. It was like a doorway into the future before I lived up to this month in my life, My Golden Year and Turning the Big 50.

Life is a very strange and precious thing.


















My weight loss journey is still a never ending struggle. I must always exercise, though now I no longer hike at beautiful places, like in the past, w/ my ex BF.

I focus on smalls goals like trying to work Ft while struggling w/ CFS. I focus on eating healthy and exercising after meals; even if its just a 30 min stroll around 1, very large and boring, round a bout, of a city block apartments, and A shopping center too.

Now I pray for more guidance from my parents, my ex BF, and God above. I try and remain centered throughout all the stress, loneliness, and red tape in my new life.

But; its really quite a challenge going the distance, all by myself. Like I recall telling my former childhood swim coach when ever he had a suggestion in improving my performance; "Ok , I'll try."