I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has posted up until now! I have spent the entire day thinking over every word and fact that was brought forward to me, especially to the adoption posts. I apologise for getting angry because I do see the underlying message that you were trying to get through (that I should be thinking about the child rather than myself). I only got mad because you were accusing me of a moral defect that I don't have nor will ever have, and that you thought I was unchangeable.
In other words, I can confidently say that I'm cured of my stubborn, one-sighted monster view that a boy child is better than a girl child. "Cured" may not be the right word, but I think of your posts as an intervention. An epiphany. From now on I'm going to think of all the things I can pass on if my partner and I have a daughter. Who knows, maybe it will make me think more positively about my PCOS and body issues?
I will leave this thread open if anyone else wants to comment. I love hearing your thoughts on this subject because it's making me excited to have a girl! My first choice is still a boy, though
Thank you all again. You are all fabulous, wonderful, caring people. Words can't describe how grateful I am and wonderful 'I' feel right now. Trust me, I've been trying to articulate what I feel. I just know that I'm looking forward to starting a family, no matter the sex of the child.
I did not want a girl because of the bad relationship I had with my mother. And because I have never felt comfortable around groups of women. But then I had a girl and it is AWESOME!! She is rough and tumble sometimes, girly sometimes....she is just HERSELF. Girls can do anything nowadays!! It's a lot easier being a mom to a girl than I expected.
_____________ elvislover324 - I'm planning on demanding twins, for my first attempt at least. I've been told that I might not get that, though I'm not giving up! I guess I've never thought of my TOM stuff being an asset and something to share to the next generation. Thank you
I was thinking about this post all day since first reading it. I think in my case I'm nervous to be a mom to a boy or a girl!! How do I be a good mom? How do I know what to do? What if I do so many wrong things even if my heart is in the right place? All I hope is to have the opportunity, boys or girls, 1 or 5 (!!), and I will give it my all every single day of my life. And I have a feeling you will too.
First of all, I get where you're coming from with your fears about having a female child. This world is an unkind place, and women are constantly being put down for our gender.
Secondly, (and I say this as a mother), the sex of your child won't matter at all as soon as you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. Not one bit. Having a child has been the most powerful, transformative, all-consuming and life defining experience I've ever had. Being a mother has taught me just how deep love goes. I know in my heart that if my son was instead my daughter the love would not be any different. Granted, not every mother has that experience and I guess I speak only for myself, so take what I say with a grain of salt (but seriously, having a child brings forth so many positive emotions that I can't imagine the child's sex negating them). You will love your baby no matter what.
Also, as an aside, you may or may not going through post partum depression/anxiety regardless of the sex of your child. You might feel just fine after having a girl, or absolutely awful after having a boy. What's important is that you are prepared for the possibility and have a solid support system ready.
Positives for being a girl:
Women have beautiful bodies. Seriously, I love the female form. Look at all of the art that has been created through the centuries. How many of the subjects have been female? Male? Aside from the statue of David, I can't think of many artworks that pay such homage to the human form.
Intimacy and emotional connection are not frowned upon for women (yes, I know this has been mentioned, but I think it's a big one).
There's a special mother-daughter bond. If you have a daughter, who's she going to turn to when she gets her first period? You'll have plenty of opportunities to help guide her into adulthood and connect with her that you wouldn't have if you were a man. You just have to pay attention so that you can recognize them as opportunities rather than challenges.
Women are pioneers. Remember Marie Curie? Amelia Earhart? Harriet Tubman? Emily Dickinson? Jane Austin? The Bronte sisters? Alice Paul? Rosa Parks? These women were strong, brave, innovative, intelligent, beautiful, elegant, bold, and creative. Gender did not prevent them from making history.
sophiew
I did not want a girl because of the bad relationship I had with my mother. And because I have never felt comfortable around groups of women.
I can relate to this I think that after my mother had been my confidant for so many years only to turn around and tell me my 14 year old problems were too many and not what she was interested in, really hit me hard and I've not believed in the mother-daughter relationship being anything but a battle. It was from that day on. It's funny because the other day, after spending hours discussing her dramas, my mother said to me, 'It's good talking to you now that you're mature.' My thoughts were not nice after hearing that comment...I wanted to say to her, 'You only just noticed now that I'm great at giving advice?' Besides, in a 5 hours convo she'll spend 4.5 hours, sometimes all, of it talking about herself.
Anyway...moving on from that can of worms
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elvislover324
How do I be a good mom? How do I know what to do? What if I do so many wrong things even if my heart is in the right place? All I hope is to have the opportunity...I will give it my all every single day of my life.
You will do a great job. As long as you put all of yourself into something, you will achieve it and more than you expected. You and the father can only do what you think is the right thing to do because trying to be something else is exhausting
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Missy Krissy
First of all, I get where you're coming from with your fears about having a female child. This world is an unkind place, and women are constantly being put down for our gender. Secondly, (and I say this as a mother), the sex of your child won't matter at all as soon as you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. Not one bit...You will love your baby no matter what...Also, as an aside, you may or may not going through post partum depression/anxiety regardless of the sex of your child. You might feel just fine after having a girl, or absolutely awful after having a boy. What's important is that you are prepared for the possibility and have a solid support system ready...There's a special mother-daughter bond...Women are pioneers...Gender did not prevent them from making history.
You are absolutely right that I could have -natal depression even if it's a boy child and that I'll love the child no matter the gender. I think because I've been waiting so long to have one, I'll fall in love during the first scan. In fact, I get to see the baby at it's most earliest stage of 2 days old before it gets placed in my womb. I think I'll be sold from then and especially if it gets past the first trimester. Ugh, all this waiting is killing me lol
That video was hilarious! I see your point. I kind of disagree with your first comment that girls don't get beaten up. It's becoming more common, at least in NZ, and girls are so nasty about it too.
Maybe I'll rethink wanting twin boys then lol
Thank you
I can't speak for you, for I don't know how badly you want the mother role and how much you love children. My son was planned. I wanted so badly to have a little girl, and do the whole girly girl, princess, pink and purple, tutus and frills type thing. But it didn't work out that way... and the sonogram showed he was indeed a boy. I will admit I was disappointed for a few minutes, but then I got so excited. A baby is a thing to celebrate, no matter the gender.
I LOVE my son, and I found that I LOVE all the little boy stuff I get to do with him. Instead of tutus, frills, pink and purple, I can roll around outside with him, we fly kites, I take him riding in his little hot wheels, we play catch in the backyard, take him to see Monster Jam, and I've never once taken it for granted. I have a feeling you'd be the same way with a little girl, even though that might not be your particular personality.
Of course I'm not saying you should manipulate a child into being like yourself, but many children pick up traits of their parents and a lot of little girls are tomboys because they want to be. Some boys are into more introverted activities and aren't rugged at all. Any child will surely be a blessing though. You will love them no matter the gender or their interests. Good luck!
I'm serious about this one: clothing. Women can wear women's clothes, men's clothes, anything. Complete freedom of self-expression. Men can generally only wear by-the-book men's clothes unless they're prepared to get beaten up. SAD. But nonetheless true.
Yeeees! Women's clothing is infinitely better than men's! We have so many more options, fun colors & patterns, menswear inspired pieces, & much better shoes! Unfortunately, men don't have as much freedom when it comes to clothes.
I can't speak for you, for I don't know how badly you want the mother role and how much you love children. My son was planned. I wanted so badly to have a little girl, and do the whole girly girl, princess, pink and purple, tutus and frills type thing. But it didn't work out that way... and the sonogram showed he was indeed a boy. I will admit I was disappointed for a few minutes, but then I got so excited. A baby is a thing to celebrate, no matter the gender.
I want to be a mother so badly that I cried myself to sleep at night and I'd be depressed for days, weeks. That was until my partner and I were referred to the fertility clinic. I still get sad if I spend too much time around children, but I'm just relieved I'll get the chance to have one soon. I think I'll be the same as you and be disappointed for a moment and then get over it.
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Originally Posted by Keep Moving Forward
Rhiko: I'm glad you feel better about the possibility of having a daughter
Thank you for your kind words of advice
IanG Your post makes me chuckle. They'll grow out of it and just stash things in your next couch--things they might choose to eat later? Or so I've heard
You are all fabulous, wonderful, caring people. Words can't describe how grateful I am and wonderful 'I' feel right now. Trust me, I've been trying to articulate what I feel. I just know that I'm looking forward to starting a family, no matter the sex of the child.
