Tonight was really kind of a milestone for me.
I stopped going to Tae Kwon Do a couple of years ago. First, I kept getting fatter and fatter. There was one night when we were testing in to the next level and I needed a new belt. The teacher wanted to know my belt size and asked in front of the entire class. I was so embarrassed and didn't want to say because, of course, I was the largest woman there. If the other women were size 2 or 4, and I was asking for a 8.... you can imagine how horrified I was.
Eventually, my pants no longer fit, and I refused to buy a new pair. I remember crying about it one night, when another student asked me why I didn't go to class anymore. At the time I was spinning my wheels and getting nowhere, and then I'd drown my sorrows in a bag of powdered gem donuts (in private, like an alcoholic taking a drink).
Then life got in the way and even though I was losing weight, I still didn't go back to class. Tonight I finally went back. I want to finish what I started and what I paid for.
What an amazing night! I put on my old pants, and they're so baggy! My large T shirt that used to fit is now too big. I need to get a small. And my belt, after I put it on and i'ts knotted, hangs down to my knees! It's not supposed to hang that low. Finally, standing on the mat, looking at myself in the mirror... what a transformation from the fat girl that used to look back at me!