As many of you 40-something ladies know by my posts in the Valentine's Day challenge thread - I have been feeling really challenged lately. I am up almost 10 lbs from my summer weight (in my ticker, which I refuse to change!). I've been feeling really bloated, heavy, and discouraged. However, that's not how people see me. I went to an event the other week where I had to get all dolled up. At least three different people came up to me and exclaimed that I must not be eating anything because I look so skinny. Over the past two weeks several people have asked me how I am losing so much weight, when I actually have been gaining weight!

Don't get me wrong, I am happy that the pounds I have put on are not showing yet. However, I can't understand how some people think I am losing weight? I don't look skinny at all to myself. I haven't gone down a clothing size in a long time. I am so frustrated by my lack of progress it's not even funny. I will say that the women who made comments that I must be starving myself are both overweight and trying to lose. Maybe we lose perspective on what is skinny, what is healthy, depending on our size. This could work either way - I don't know if I have a healthy grip on what is thin or fat anymore either - because to me I look, if not fat, certainly "thick."

I feel like our society operates in extremes - either overweight or underweight - with underweight being portrayed most often in the media. There aren't many good role models for normal/average weights. What does healthy look like?

I couldn't agree with you more!!!

I think our visual image of ourselves is very different from what others see (just like we sound different to ourselves than others...)

Oddly enough for me, I didn't see myself as HEAVY until I looked at photographs of myself. When I looked in the mirror I just didn't see that same body as the camera (and obviously other people) saw. So I was reversed compared to most women.

Now that I'm past goal and trying to get my body to look the I want it to - and trust me, it's fighting me every literal inch of the way - I wonder - where is that woman who didn't even see herself as fat over 25 lbs ago? How could I have looked "ok" to myself back then and now not look "good enough?"

Maybe because now I aspire to the Lucy Lui's and Jennifer Annistons, whereas before I didn't. Maybe it's like when you get "rich" you now compare yourself to the Trumps and Rockefeller's versus the Jones'?

Don't know, but it is strange isn't it? I see your final goal of 130 and you're an inch taller to me. Right now I'm at 144 and I couldn't imagine my body at 130, I don't think I'd look good at all. BUT - every "body" is different, which is why we should personalize our goals instead of listening to the "charts."

To me, healthy doesn't show ribs, healthy doesn't look "drawn," healthy is mobile and agile and above all, healthy is also having a realistic view of yourself and those around you ...

I have two thoughts on healthy and what looks healthy. 1) I luv and am quoting 2FatCats signature line. "I don't mind gaining weight as long as its muscle." 2) When I get worried about size I think about my maternal grandmother. She was about 5'5" and about 180 her whole life. She was quite strong, what you might call "from solid farm stock". I remember going for a 5 mile walk with her in her late 70s. And she lived to be 98, actually just a few days short of turning 99. We should all live lives as healthy and strong as hers.

Oh, I hear you. I've posted about this, too -- my total inability to see myself as I am. I don't know what the answer is; I guess if we can't see ourselves, we have to rely on the help/judgment of someone we know and trust.

To me, healthy looks like being able to carry on normal activity with ease, and looking vertical rather than spherical, if that makes sense. I feel like at 5' 6 1/2" and 161 pounds, I have definitely achieved healthy. By the BMI charts, I'm a couple pounds overweight, but I don't believe that. But what I can't answer is the question: Am I thin?

Isn't that the truth. I find myself having to make a conscious effort not to let this "extreme thinking" bleed into my overall plan.

Yes it's true in the media there are no "real sized" women to look up to. It seems like there is one extreme or the other. Those who are heavy & those who are size 0-4. That is sooo not how our world is.

Even at my most healthiest, slimmest weight I looked NOTHING like anyone in the media. Like junem's maternal grandma I am that "solid farm stock" variety. It bugged me a lot when I was growing up because NO ONE "famous" looked like me. Who was to be my role model? Who was someone I could point to that people would know that I was built like? No one. I think it does a great disservice to our young people! People come in every shape, size and color...fashion, Hollywood & the media should show that as such!

I, too, have been struggling to get the weight down. I've been stuck for months at the same weight. I makes me want to throw in the towel at times. I don't though. I figure one day it will pay off...I HOPE! I know that my healthier eating, exercise & good hydration will pay off. For the time being I must be content with feeling healthier, sleeping better & building up my stamina. I'm hoping when H gets his pacemaker the stresses/worries will let up some & we can both really concentrate on being even more active/healthy.

Remember Hollywood & the media is PREJUDICED!!! They'll never fess up to it. They'll never change. It is up to us to be a role model to any others around us who may not be the size 0-4 in their little part of the world.

So go out there & move! Walk, run, dance, whatever you like! Forget about those who think that healthy means skinny as a rail. THEY DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING!! Be the healthiest happiest you you can be!

Note: If someone compliments you, even if you don't see or feel the change. Thank them! Take it, run with it! It may be the difference between you keeping moving or falling off the wagon. Sometimes our resolve can be just that delicate.

BTW: Did I tell you today..."YOU LOOK MARVELOUS!!!!"