Last night I had a stabbing pain in my lower right abdomen that came and went. When it hit, it was off the charts painful. Really, enough to double me over. When it wasn't at it's peak it was like a dull period cramp. I have NO idea what caused it but was really hurting.
I went to bed early, doubled up in the pain that came and went. My boyfriend came up to tuck me in and expressed his concern. He thought I should go to the ER. I resisted (and am now glad I did, as I'm fine today) not because I was sure it would go away, partially because I'm cheap and was just plain embarrassed.
As I lay there in the dark, I was praying to God that the pain would go away. I was mortified that I'd have to go to the ER, be diagnosed with something serious and have to have surgery. I was EMBARRASSED at the thought of the surgeon seeing me naked, having to lift up the fat rolls to cut into me, having 4 people to move me from gurney to bed after surgery due to how big I am. I also worried that the people in the ER would think maybe the fat lady had a belly ache to due over eating. I didn't want to be judged.
It is sad that I wasn't worried about myself or my health but was terrified I'd be seen as this horribly fat lady, that strangers would see my fat rolls.
I am re-doubling my efforts to lose weight as last night was just too sad! I want to be healthy and not embarrassed all the time. I don't mean to sound overly dramatic but I would have rather laid there and died vs. being embarrassed or judged.