[halloweengirl]

Hi there!

My name is Jen. I'm 26, 5'6+ (almost 5'7!), and have been struggling with my weight for most of the last 16 years of my life. I'm just under 300 lbs (again) (for now, OTR at the moment, ugh), but I need to lose a HUGE amount of weight if I want to live the happy, healthy, and long life that we all desire and deserve.

Where do I start? Well, I wasn't a fat child, but early puberty (period at 10), fat genes, and a taste for junk food I wasn't allowed to have at home got me to between 200 and 250, back and forth, between the ages of 11 and 17. I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive/Bipolar at age 17, and put on a NASTY cocktail of drugs that, while temporarily calming me down, caused massive weight loss in a short period, much of my hair to fall out, and generally made me more of a basket case in the long run. And then tragedy struck....

After becoming "skinny" (although I'd lost a lot of hair, so I still felt ugly...STILL growing it back! )(165 lbs was skinny to me and others!) from Lithium poisioning and all that crap, I managed to REALLY get myself in trouble: I got pregnant just after HS graduation, from a guy I'd been with on and off since I was 12 (we weren't serious until I was 15 or so)...being the stellar young man he was, he promptly told me to abort and cut off all contact with me(we lived in different states at this point). I decided to keep the baby, but quickly developed serious complications. I managed to get Pre-eclampsia in my 4th month, resulting in mandatory bedrest. My unborn daughter was doing just fine, despite the health concerns regarding my BP (I've had issues with it since I was 12), until I picked up a MASSIVE infection during a short hospital stay for gallstones...my daughter, who'd previously been super-healthy, was stillborn a few days later, at 29 weeks. I was a wreck, as you can imagine. No amount of support can alleviate the pain of losing a child, especially when it's your first. I'm scarred for life, I think.

My poor mother, who was as crushed as I was, took care of me the only way she knew how: by feeding me. Food has always been a comfort to me, and this situation was a great exaggeration of that sad fact. I left the hospital a week after losing my little girl at around 225 lbs (gained a lot from bedrest and P/E fluids), and before I knew it, I was 300 lbs by the next year. I'm a mess. While my life is improved these days (I have a wonderful fiance, a lovely little nephew, age 5, who has done a lot to help with my pain, and I'm working towards a great career), I still ache for my baby girl, as well as the mistakes I would change if I only had a chance. #1 being getting pregnant in the first place, and #2 being eating to try and fill the hole in my heart.

My depression, whatever the diagnosis (I think, at some point, I've been "tagged" with everything in the DSM-IV) definitely complicates my efforts to become healthy, but I CANNOT LET DESPAIR KILL ME. This is why I'm here. Besides, I desperately want another child, but it might be deadly to attempt pregnancy at my size, with my BP issues and history. I'd sooner die than risk losing another baby. My doctor warns me every visit to not get pregnant, as for some reason, I cannot assure her that I am NOT currently trying to get pregnant. What a moron! She put in my dang IUD, argh!

Since I'm technically insulin-resistant as well, with a F/H of diabetes, I try to follow a low-glycemic diet. I'm currently trying to do my own "Beach Watchers" sort of thing, where I follow the SB principles, but within WW's points. I'd love to hear from anyone doing a similar plan

So there's my sob story....I don't mean to bring you down, but it helps to explain my predicament and large amount of weight to use.

Is there an "emotional eaters" group? I definitely need to get in on that.

Anyways, thanks for listening/reading, and feel free to contact me!

Take care,

Jen

[Abbeycat36]

Hi Jen and welcome!!!!

Here's a few more hugs for ya cause you're just starting out here you need them I'm so sorry you went through losing a child, and so young too. I won't pretend to know what that feels like, but I can tell it was a bad time in your life.

Okay so you are definitely in the right place, friend. I came here in late June and I found this place to be quite helpful in keeping me in the right frame of mind.

There are lots of different threads throughout the forum itself, and right now you're in the "300+" main thread.. but there's an active one that's used every day with a number on it, right now I think the number is 999 but tomorrow will be a new one called 1000. Join us there if you feel like. Anyone is welcome.

There are SO many categories of threads here on the forum, so I'd suggest to you just start at the beginning and scroll through the list of them, you'll find lots on diet specific conversations, depression and weight loss issues, and many others. I sometimes don't feel like posting regularly every single day and that's okay too, whatever you feel like you want or need is all okay!

So, thanks for sharing such a personal story. I hope you feel right at home here very soon and you'll be losing in no time.

~ Angie

[Abbeycat36]

Oh yeah and congrats I see you lost some already!!! Weehaa great start!
AND .. welcome to the 200's!

[rkrs6673]

Hello Jen--- I wanted to say and congrats on your weight loss so far. You will love this environment and it is filled with lots of support

[Nightkatt]

Hiya Jen

Welcome on in

I hope you are very proud of yourself lass ... it takes a lot of courage to be so open as you were in your introduction .... already you are an awesome person in my mind. I wish sorry could heal the hurt that you feel, but I know it doesnt ... hopefully tho it will let you know that we're here for you to rant with you, cheer you on .. and whatever else you need whenever you need it

As for emotional eating .. hunny I think you will find a large number of us do that .. for lots of reasons .. some may not seem important compared to other ones, but its an emotional thing and when theyre affected then any emotional issue can be a food trigger.

Yesterday I caved in to all the stress that has been building up (my 15 year old daughter, 11yr old nephew with Leukemia, dad losing his house and "mother" issues lol - boy .. talking about wanting to change families lol) and ate all the chocolate i could find in the house .. and that was after being such a good girl and upping my exercise and staying almost OP (on plan), but it just hit me last night in bed all the crap that was happening around me and I caved and ate .... not that I didnt enjoy every mouthful lol .. but I knew even when I was doing it that it wasnt the best thing for me to do .. and I even knew it was an emotional addiction that had been triggered ... but one thing I have learned on this site .... TOMORROW is another day .. clean slate and learn

Credendo Vidas!

Katt

[Misti in Seattle]

Hi again Jen... Hey I invited you over here in a different thread but I see you had already found your way here and introduced yourself! Hope to see you around more, esp. in the numbered threads.

[Lilion]

Jen! I'm sure you will find lots of support with these lovely ladies! If you do want some more specific depression-related discussions, there is a forum for that here. http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=76.

Oops - I'm an idiot! You already posted there! Well, wherever you settle - you are most welcome here!

[NotTheCheat]

Jen - Welcome to 3FC! I don't think most of us could have reached the 300 mark without an emotional connection to food. You have been through some amazingly rough things. I also had a hard time as a teenager because I lost my mother to cancer at 15 and then my father became an absent parent. So often we are totally unprepared for dealing with things like that. Food often becomes our best form of self tlc. How can we blame ourselves for seeking out the best way we knew how to comfort ourselves? The important part isn’t the past but building new ways to deal with issues. It takes time and won’t happen overnight for any of us, but the important thing is to keep on trying. Hope to see you around!

[halloweengirl]

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support!

After getting all of this off my chest last night, I awoke feeling energetic and motivated I also ate healthfully yesterday (Beach Watchers, tho I was over Points), so that helps.

Thank you again I really need the girl talk time

[voodoo1]

Jen, I read your post and wished I could hug you. All the stuff you've been through and YOU'RE STILL HERE!!!! You survived it ;and with all the lovely people here, lots with issues/problems of their own; you will find a kind, non-judgemental ear and that sharing really does help. Listening to others takes away our own worries.
hope trhis makes sense, its late & I'm tired out, hope to see you on the 'numbered' threads of 300+ join us, you're truly welcome.
xxxsharon