Morning (or whatever) chickies!

YAAHOO! I weighed in this a.m. and the scale said 180 even, :cb: so I made my loss for the 2x2 Challange! Can't remember if I started @ 283 or 285, but at least it's DOWN. Now if I could only stick to South Beach religiously, I'd be shedding pounds like I did before. Breakfast this morning was Cheerios and toast. DEFINATELY not Phase I! :nono: But in my defense, I end up eating whatever Barb has in the house when I come home unexpectedly like this. At least I didn't have that :devil: Boston Creme Pie that's in the fridge for breakfast... No, THAT got me last night when we rolled in at 2 a.m.:o

Misti, I have relatives that live in Seattle and I love it up there. It's one of the prettiest, best planned cities in the country. They told me it doesn't rain :rain: it Seattle, it just 'mists' a lot... Which makes me wonder, were you born there??:)

A Very Big WHOOP WHOOP! for TooFatForU! I know all about those sticky pounds that hang on forever - strike that - that hang on for too long. This is the first time my scale has moved down since January. Just keep up that good work and boot hubby back out on the road - just hug 'im & kiss 'im first, cuz I bet he misses you when he's gone!

Ms Crockett, I hate having my pic taken too! Somehow having it taken just to show here is different. Here it's just sharing something we all understand with a compassionate crowd, and it's so cool to see what our 'friends' look like. Besides, if I can have some pics with my boys, I love showing them off, I love them so. Keep up your great work. The difference already is dramatic and wonderful!

Ammi, You are sounding truly vibrant again these days. I think I might have mentioned that I have two sisters, the older of which has some very serious mental health issues, but dispite prior success with treatments she refuses to get help. My second sister has had issues with depression and HAS sought help. She also takes meds for seizures, and due to that she recently had to change her long term depression meds, which made her very nervous. She didn't want "happy pills" that would disguise reality. She had to go totally off the old ones and work slowly back on to the new ones, and there were some serious highs and lows, but she is SO glad she did it. She says she feels like herself again. There are ups and downs, just like we all have, but she has a good perspective on things and can handle them. She's been really pleased to be out of a black hole of emotion, with energy and living again, and I know what a difference the right meds can make in giving us ourselves back again. I don't know if that's how it is for you or others, I just know it's a godsend for her. I adore my sis, and I'm SO grateful for those meds.

ON DIET PILLS - I know I've mentioned this before, and some people feel strongly against them, but for a short time a few years ago I took perscription "appetite suppressents." I was afraid, but desparate, so I tried them. All it did was to switch off the CONSTANT EAT-EAT-EAT switch that kept me stuffing my face even when my belly was full. I still got hungry, I was just satisfied with a reasonable amount, and I didn't have incessant cravings that kept me browsing the cupboards and market eisles for food every minute of the day. No I'd rather not be addicted to them, but to get weight off while learning better eating habits, I see absolutely no problem with that. To me, it's just another little tweedle in our brains that can go a bit off, but it can be altered a bit so as not to be harmful to us. It's just another health issue, not magic, not poison, not 'cheating', any more that if you have diabetes it's 'cheating' to take insulin.

On that note, about a month ago I ordered some pills on-line to help me get back on track because I've been struggling so. (I used to have a few left-overs, but I lost the bottle since I was doing fine without them back then.) But the pills were never delivered - I still haven't got them - which means that I haven't lost any weight (until this week) but it has really forced me to think about my diet and try to plan what I put in my mouth, just like I did when I lost the first 50 pounds. At least I know I can maintain even when I'm down in the dumps.

In answer to your kind question, Ammi, Bill & I are OK - for now, I guess. I still dread sex - it's the first time in my life that I can't stand it, so that right there tells me something is seriously wrong. I know I really should leave, it's just so hard. I keep thinking that if I could just get him to talk - and LISTEN - that we could work things out. Financially we'd BOTH lose everything if we split. But then he's ruining us financially now. I just wish I could have the last 10 years back and have never married him, but if that were the case, I'd be sitting somewhere thinking "If only I'd married Bill..." But I have my horses, warm clothes, a roof over my head, the freedom (for the moment) to say what I think of the government, and OF COURSE, plenty of food to eat :D All of that puts me WAY ahead of so much of this poor, tortured world that I have no business whining. Will that stop me? O' course not. But I'm done whining for now.:)

Sorry I rambled. :sorry: But somebody had to do it.:dunno: I'm off to see the pony-boys!:D :spin: :D

O - XENA - You slipped one in on me! I know how you feel about hiding from someone you'd probably really like to see. Wow, how do you give advice that you'd be scared to take yourself? Remember that he doesn't understand what's going on with you and might feel snubbed if now you won't even take his calls. Is there any chance that IF he DOES suggest getting together - which would show that he LIKES you - that you could either postpone that get together, or even tell him that you feel too self-conscious? Oh, what a rock and hard spot you must feel. Good luck!!! Keep us posted!

Well, yesterday I ended up having a LONG talk with my BF about the things that have been bothering me. At first he was confused as to why I was upset because he said he felt like he had gotten past these things and couldn’t figure out why I was still stewing on them. He said that the most important thing is that I am healthy and happy and he will support me with that. When I brought up the thing he said about not being able to find me attractive under a certain weight, he apologized and said he said that out of anger because when we spoke before he felt like I was fighting him. It is true – I was fighting him, but he said that he has reconciled to himself that I am more important to him an he will learn to adapt. So overall it was a good conversation. Now, he still thinks I’m not capable of getting under 250 without “pain” and he doesn’t want to see me become a diet “****”. I can understand the “****” thing (if I want the right to eat better, I must respect his right to eat what he wants), but I definitely think I can go under 250, and I told him that I don’t know if I want to be a fat girl. So – I am feeling better knowing that I have talked to him about it and that he knows where I am coming from. Everything is OK for now, although I certainly don’t want to make any final commitments (marriage) until I feel closer to my goal.

The other thing I realized is that I need more friends to do things with. I have had trouble making friend since coming to NY. I think that losing weight will help this because I will be more likely to get out and do things. It is unfair of me to think he can fulfill all of my social needs. Finding this place has helped a lot, but I still need someone I can go see indie movies with and hang out talking about books.

One other question for everyone - has anyone had any luck reigning in their significant other in terms of finances? That is our other big issue. I am very responsible in that area. I have a little money on my credit cards, but I have more than enough in the bank to wipe it out if I chose (I am a bit paranoid and like having the cash). On the other hand, he has an enormous amount of CC debt that has just gotten worse over the years. I have refused to combine our finances in any way because of this, and if something doesn’t change I don’t know if it is something I can live with (I also mentioned this to him yesterday). He just doesn’t get it. We stopped in to a liquor store to see if they had a certain brand of beer and he wanted to check out and see if they had this wine a fried of his has been raving about. The bottle of wine was $60, and he wanted to buy it – right after us having a conversation about how I was very uncomfortable with our monetary situation and that we needed to do something about it. This is par for the course, and it is very frustrating. He just doesn’t get the concept of want vs. need. I suppose you could say that for many years I didn’t get that when it came to food and that in many ways that was equally as destructive.

Nancy. On reining in a significant other in terms of finances... perhaps I'm NOT the best one to give advice, but I say: Shoot 'em. Collect the insurance.

... Oh, and make sure no one finds the body.
.... Um, your last name isn't "Grace" is it? Last thing I need is to wind up on court TV for this!

Kayley – How did I miss the fact that you ran! That is amazing. I am starting to have feelings like my body wants to move faster, but it isn’t quite ready yet. Soon enough . . .

Maria Lucia – That dance class sounds really fun. I am glad you had a good time. Hopefully things won’t ache too much today! :)

Ammi – I don’t know how far we are into series 1 – they just aired the one where Rose goes back and tries to save her Dad. You should definitely be able to get the Amelia Peabody series as books, but if you do find them as recordings, make sure you get Barbara Rosenblatt as the reader. Since I listen to so many books on tape now, I have really started to have an appreciation for good reading. It is so amazing the difference that it can make in the overall enjoyment of the story.

Sue – Welcome back! A contest like that sounds like it would be motivating. Hopefully your new computer will behave itself. That must have been so frustrating!

Valerie – There is this great movie that reminded me of what you said – that if you went back 10 years you would be thinking “if I had only married him”. It is called “Me Myself I.” In it, a woman who is single and wondering the same thing ends up switching with her self that did marry the guy.

Misti – You are definitely welcome here. Although Zelma qualifies because WAS over 300 pounds, I think 298 is close enough :)

Xena – I totally know what you mean. I have really wanted to get back in touch with my best friend from high school, but I don’t want her to see me at this weight. I know if it was the other way around I would be mad at her for not seeing me for that reason, but I just can’t help it. It is a really hard call, but don’t feel bad about it whatever you decide works for you. You are working all the time right now, so you could just tell him that. If it will make you feel worse and possibly hinder your progress, I would definitely put him off. Please don’t hate yourself for it. We have all been there.

Valerie - LOL. Unfortunately that plan is bust because he doesn't have an insurance policy. I guess I will need to keep looking for other options.

Ammi i know that 30 pounds will gone from you soon! my husband drives a big rig .. so i can do real good during the week but weekkends are hard cuz he does good during the week and wants to eat on weekend which is not good for me! glad i could make you laugh.. good for the soul!

it was such a shock to my system when i learned i weighed over 300 pounds. i am not gonna back to it either when i get it off me!