Good morning.

I slept in this morning. I'm taking the morning off so I can go to the hospital with DH. I was so pi$$ed at my boss when I came home last night that I need the morning for attitude adjustment as well. We were all told that we had to be physically in the building all day until at least 5 pm in case the "visitors" needed us to ask questions. When I told her the day before about what is going on and just in case I received a phone call and had to leave, she sort of asked but then turned away and ended the conversation. No compassion. No offer that I could be gone. Okay, so I was at work all damn day and they finally had a question at 4:15. Except she told one of my peers that I needed to answer the question and that is, if I was still there. I had left an email saying that it didn't look good and wanted to go with DH this morning and that I would call in and let her know. She never acknowledged the email. Even when I went in and said, I am here. She acted disgusted that she even had to tell me what they needed. She didn't make the comment because she thought I had gone to the hospital, she made it because she acts like I haven't been there to support this project. :censored: is what she is. Enough of that.

So I got some rest this morning and got up to do 30 minutes of pilates and other conditioning work. I'm really working on my frame of mind.

Did I ever really talk about Oprah's article. I read it on Sunday and it was very enlightening. She doesn't talk about having personal trainers and someone driving her to exercise. She talks about accepting that her body requires exercise whether she likes it or not. She knows that she has to do 30 minutes of cardio a day. She also does pilates two or three times a week. What I found so inspiring and eye-opening were her comments, "this is my life now". She also stays away from refined sugars and highly processed foods. She allows herself a treat only so many times a year. Okay, I want one once a week. She also talks about how its okay because "this is her life now" and not a diet. She said she thought one day, "I do not want to be an unhealthy fat person standing in the doorway of this beautiful house" and everything seemed to click. And she quit struggling. It is a really good article. I read it again this morning.

I haven't seen my girls (my two mares for the new folks) since I rode on New Year's eve. Between work and the weather and everything else going on, I just haven't been able to get there. Plus its nice to rely on Cherie to take care of them. I am looking forwards to longer days and milder weather to where I can get out there after work. Poor Ginger has another abcess in her foot and is hobbling around. We're thinking of giving Ginger to Cherie so that she can be used as a lesson horse for kids to learn to ride. Not someone who wants to go fast (like my neighbor) and someone who can better care for her. Cherie could take her home and let her be on pasture and not put a lot of demands on her. I would also have peace of mind that someone is giving her a great life and not shipping her off to an auction (or worse). I'm also thinking of selling Tanyah and getting a horse that is a woman's horse and is trained in english riding and arena riding as well as a good trail horse. I told DH that I want to do english riding because it is so much better exercise. Tanyah is more of a guys horse and she doesn't respect me and I don't trust her not to unload me. Thoughts running through the head at this point.

Thanks to everyone for the well wishes. It has been a stressful week. Its not helped by the fact that the BIL has a younger GF that is caring for him but his grown children hate her. He's already signed the house over to her and the kids think he has changed the will again. He's already cut the daughter out because she doesn't come around to suit him. He's restricted the money to the son so that he only gets a small amount on a monthly basis for a long time. The BIL is mean-hearted about his money. The MIL doesn't really like her either because she drinks and smokes. I look like an :angel: compared to her. :D Family drama.

Wishful Wednesday? That I had time to go ride today.

Wow, what a list of folks that are part of this group now. Its wonderful to have so many new and old faces!

Thin - Thanks for scouting out the hotels and doing all that unpaid work for the fling! How's your back doing these days?

Elisha - Inquiring minds need to know about AI! I'm sorry you're going through the struggles of depression. The first step is caring about and accepting yourself. You have to believe it and fight for yourself. We're here to help as best we can.

Welcome to the other new folks. I am going to have to make a list of everyone now!!

BarbPA - How are the shots going? My prayers to both of you.

:cp: to everyone who is having OP days and feeling powerful as a result. :drill: to those who are sabotaging themselves by not living the healthy life (that included me for having pizza last night even if it was the low-fat pizza).

Okay, I best go get DH up and around. I've been enjoying my morning of lollygagging and in a much better frame of mind.

Iwillbe - We posted at the same time.

Are you drinking water?

How about sodium? Limiting that?

Exercise?

Portion control? Are you journalling?

Sometimes if you're exercising too much and eating too little, the scale refuses to budge. Also, I read in Prevention that overweight people are more apt to overestimate how hard they are really working out (because it is more difficult) and are not burning as many calories as they think. Dragging out the journal and being real about what you're eating, drinking and moving, can help you pinpoint where you might have gotten lax.

Good luck!

Yesterday was my second OP day in a row. I'm pretty pleased with myself, and also for some minor emotional victories yesterday.

You know, I need acronyms for the two men in my life. There's my estranged husband, and then there's my best-friend-who-I-love-who-jerks-me-around, and I often want to talk about them, but none of the standard acronyms fit. So I guess I'll call them EH and BFWILWJMA. Yesterday, they both attempted to drive me crazy, and I didn't let it bother me.

EH was having a panic attack because he lost his birth certificate, and I tried to be patient with him, but I must have sounded disgusted or exhausted because he didn't like my tone of voice, so he pitched a fit about that, and I didn't stay up half the night worrying about him. Score one for my sanity.

Meanwhile, BFWILWJMA stood me and a group of others up for a meeting for this local film festival we're helping to organize, and since we work together I was delegated to ask him about some work he'd agreed to do. I emailed him and then didn't wait around to see how late he would respond (it's an obsessive thing I do sometimes, watching his email habits to see whether or not he's out with other women)... and his response is in my in-basket this a.m. and I still haven't looked at it. And I didn't make excuses for him at the meeting. His recent erratic behavior is his reponsibility.

Whew! That all feels good. And I think it's all tied up with treating myself better, honestly.

Hope everyone has a great OP day.


Elisha--Yes, post the link, it sounds fascinating.

2cute--Did you get some sleep?

Terri--Hope your morning helps you feel better.

Good morning friends. :wave:

Terri... I loved your checklist. I am glad your morning is more relaxing today. :)

Iwillbe... don't expect a weight loss everyday. That is unrealistic and will only undermind your own success and victories.

Barbg ... What a CUTE pic. !!!!! I hope you got my request for cutizy pics for the Feb challenge. I miss hearing about your accomplishments and exercising daily. Just reading about it does help the rest of us get our butts in gear too.

My Wed Wishlist ... hmmm ... to lose those two pounds in 2 weeks... to be productive today.... and to MAKE IT a great day !!!

Angela... we posted at same time.
Yes.. I did get 5.5 hours last night. :)

Good Morning to all! :coffee: Just wanted to to stop in for "Wishful Wed", hoping
to stay on plan is my wish. :dizzy:
Just watching about commuter train in Glendale, CA. My prayers go out to
them what a sad morning it turned out to be for some of them. :cry:

To all who watch American Idol: I too am an addict! I hope Elisha posts
the link I think it will be interesting. Last night they really had some
hyper types didn't they. :lol:

To all who are staying OP congratulations it will show up on scale and
encourage you even more! :cheer: To those who are struggling keep your
chin up and a break through will come. :grouphug: I've been there and I know its
tough.

Well off to the treadmill :tread: Check with you all later. :wave: Hilta

My Turn
 

Hi Everybody - it's my turn for a bit of depression today. Last night hubby and two teens had a family meeting about a serious issue that has come up in our family. After that was hashed out my son left to do homework, but my daughter stuck around and kept talking to me, and the conversation turned to my weight. Long story short, she ended up sobbing because she thinks that I am going to die sooner rather than later. Besides reassuring her that I am quite healthy for my size and age, the only other thing I could think of was the many, many wasted years I have spent cheating on various eating plans and diets. Big talk, no action for decades. So for wishful Wednesday: I wish that I had come to my senses years ago, and not wasted my kids' childhoods in a wallow of fat. And for a wish that I can actually make progress with: I wish that everytime I get a craving for something that will eventually kill me, that I see my lovely daughter's tear stained face, and feel the fear that she feels for me, and know the loss that she will feel if I keep screwing up.

No replies today. I hope that anybody who is now struggling because they are constantly making the wrong choices the way I am will see a glimpse of their future in my story and change sooner rather than later.

Blessing to All - Ruby

I have been off my plan so far this week. Food wise I have done okay, except for a few extra carbs today because I had no idea a tortilla had so many (oops!). I haven't exercised since Sunday, though.

Elisha, my husand tried out last year for the Canadian Idol and never made it past the first round. They told him he had a beautiful, wonderful voice didn't have "the look", whatever that is. Isn't that what their stylists are for? Whatever happened to talent? It ticks me off when you see some of the people who make it that have none.

I am starting a low carb diet tommorow!! I'm so excited and thought...why put it off any more. I loaded up on veggies, lean meats and some staples so I'm set to go! Someone (sorry, forget who!) mentioned measuring and I think that's what I'll do 'til I get my scale :)

Hello Everyone!

Terri – Wishful Wednesday… I wish you were able to ride today, and I wish I was with you :o I love horses… I’m so jealous hehehehe… I used to ride at the LA Equestrian Center… of course I’m to heavy to ride now… They have a weight limit of 235lbs at least the last time I was there that was the limit… So it’s been a few years. :( I would love to own my own horse, I have a backyard big enough for it! :lol: Hopefully the exercising helped to relieve some of your stress? I know it helps me at times.

Angela – how about PITA 1 and PITA 2 ;) (pain in the *** ) I think those are good acronyms and I often use it to describe my sister :lol: Hey did you get my PM?

Hilta – Yes American Idol have some really hyper types last night. Specially the guy who we could hardly understand (and I have captions on) :lol: who kept saying “Can you dit it?” hehehe

Ruby – I often think the same thing. If I could just re-do my life, I don’t think I would be fat. My problem is, I have asthma, and have been hospitalized a great portion of my childhood and most of the drugs contained steroids, like my steroid nebulizer and steroid horse pills. Most of my weight came from that. The rest just followed. Although I don’t have any kids myself, I do have a step-daughter (soon to be step daughter) and I have a hard time keeping up with her. I also want to have kids one day myself… the weight is putting it off. :( I often reflect back… and it’s hard… I get depressed to, but it’s a good motivator for me. Have a blessed day Ruby and thank you for sharing that personal story.

Gottagetserious – Is your husband gonna try out again?? For the Canadian Idol.

One of the ladies in my other forum, suggested I try wearing my pedometer when I’m walking during class. Just to see how much walking I’m really doing while on the University. I’m curious now as well… I’ll post what I come up with tommorrow after I get back from school. :)

Alrighty guys, I’m gonna get going… need to get ready for work. Take care everyone!

Sue…

Ruby... your story reminds me of Richard Simmons story. Someone left him an anonymous note on his car....
"Fat people die YOUNG... please don't die"
Or something close to that.
We like to pretend we aren't hurting anyone but ourselves... but that just is NOT TRUE. We hurt our families and friends too.
I am so very grateful for what progress I have made since Sept.
I am not the same person I used to be. I make much wiser food choices and I do it now because I want to. I want to improve ... I want to get well.
I know I need to make more changes in my life too. I am NOT giving up on myself.
I am going to get this done one way or another. :drill:

Anyway... thanks for sharing your story. I know that had to be hard on your daughter to talk to you about it. I know she did not want it to look like she was critizing you... only concerned for your well being. Some of us who are extremely overweight can be very sensitive to anything concerning our weight.

No time for more replies now.. sorry. Just taking a 5 minute break from work.

Sue - I know what you mean about thinking about if you could do your life over, you wouldn't be fat. I often kick myself for not having done something sooner when it would have been easier like even back in high school. I would give just about anything even to go back to when I started college and do something than. I had the access to the gym and everything, and didn't make consistant use of it. I could drive myself crazy thinking thoughts like that because then with it, come the inevitable "what ifs?" ... All the thoughts about how different my life would be right now if I had ONLY done something sooner. I guess those kind of thoughts only feed my depression. We gotta try to look forward I suppose.. I'm a huge culprit of hanging on to the past and not being able to let go and focus on what I can do NOW. I think the pedometer is a good idea by the way :)

Just a quick question.. I've been looking around, but I'm not sure what "OP" stands for. Forgive me if that's a stupid question, but I just haven't figured it out yet lol. Soooo.. I decided to try to do at least a little something today on this piece of exercise equipment I got a long time ago but never use. It's called a "gazelle".. Don't know if any of you are familiar with it. Well.. I'm sure it is easy for most people, but as out of shape as I am, I couldn't stay on it for more than 5 minutes at a time. So, I'm trying not to let that discourage me. I did 4 sets of 5 minutes. I'm not sure if the broken up sets are just as effective or even close to being as effective as doing the exercise in one long 20 min set, but that's what I can do for now. I'm just trying to tell myself that it will slowly get easier, and that I have to do this in baby steps or I am likely to fail again.

As far as an eating plan.. I'm not sure what to go with. I tried Atkins for a while, and much to my dismay, even though it worked wonders for a friend of mine, it did nothing for me. I was strict too, and followed it faithfully. That was kinda exasperating for me. I think my biggest faults with eating are being

A: a grazer who picks at food as I'm making something to eat
B: I don't cook much.. I'm practically living off of sandwiches, soup, popcorn, and take out twice a week. I think I cook maybe once a week and it's usually spaghetti or a chicken
C: I don't eat breakfast and I wait until I'm starving before I eat. I also don't eat enough during the day to satiate myself, so I find myself picking late at night when I can't sleep (which is often).
D: I get hardly ANY veggies in my diet. I've started drinking V8 to help with that, but I don't know if that is a replacement or more of a supplement.

sooo.. I'm thinking that my big goal should be to start cooking more homemade stuff. I've heard that the more preperation time it takes to make something, the better off you are eating it (ie convience foods are OUT). So I got this crock pot for my wedding that I've NEVER used, but am using for the first time today, and I'm hoping it will come in handy to help me make food that is better for me. I think the low carb thing is good, but not to overdo it. I think it's the processed food I need to look out for I guess. So I'm sticking to whole grain breads and pastas for the most part (when I eat them), and I guess I should keep those to a minimum? These are just my thoughts as I'm beginning to try to figure out a plan to dig myself out of this abyss I'm in...

I've been very very tired lately (even though I don't do much of anything), and my brain has been reallly ..foggy? feeling.. Like i'm slightly dizzy and need to sleep. I'm hoping that this is just from the depression or lack of activity, and this will go away as I start to get a little more active.. Anybody experience this??

It's really nice to see all of your posts and get a glimpse into your daily lives and see that everyone is stuggling with their own problems and challenges. Makes ya feel not so alone. I also love hearing the fun stuff too!! horses??? I haven't ridden one of those in forEVER.. they used to scare me when I was little lol.. Maybe one day, I can ride one again (and it won't run me into a tree like the last horse I rode lol) Gottaget... that's really neat that your husband tried out for CI :) I'm really sorry to hear that they gave him that kind of treatment though. I'm pretty sure that my image had quite a bit to do with why I was cut as well. It's a shame that talent means less than looks these days.... :( don't get me started on that one lol

So anyways, I've rambled enough.. here's the AI links I told you about. The first one is a link to my story, the second to the pictures, and the third one takes you to my song page where you can hear me sing if anyone is interested... :) I apologize in advance if any of these links were not appropriate to post!

This is My American Idol Audition Story

These are my pictures of my American Idol Audition experience

Me Singing, in case anyone's interested

Jazz gurl... you are quite beautiful. I enjoyed reading your journal on the experience. I have been waiting forever to download your singing. I have the S L O W w w w dial up service. UGH !! Thanks for sharing. Keep hanging in there !!!
Now I REALLY have to go. LOL

As soon as I said I was going.. you started singing to me. :D
You have a beautiful voice !!!! WOW !!!

Hi all! :wave: Boy, I've felt really lousy all day. I woke up with my neck out of wack and a HUGE headache. Now I'm trying to decide if the headache is really due to my neck being out and the way I slept or something more sinister. Just overall feel really yucky. Maybe it's the pre-disaster telling me I should get this arse in gear and start getting back on plan. :yes:

2cute: Good point about folks maybe needing to have a separate thread. I have PMd them when I've merged. But really didn't think about the other aspects.

JazzGurl: OMG, what a PHENOMINAL voice you have!!!! I've got you playing in the background as I type. I'm on your third song so far. I'm hooked!!! :D The range you display on Loving You is incredible! I went straight to the music, I'll get to the journals of the audition and such when I have another minute to read more. * OP stands of On Program. And there are no stupid questions. Don't know, just ask! :) * I fit right into your ABC's, except for A. Grazing. I don't really do that. But I don't eat breakfast, I don't get many veggies in, and I definitely don't cook anything that takes any effort. There are quite a few recipes, BTW, on the Recipe Thread that are pretty simple, especially the ones I posted! :lol: If you need more ideas, just holler. There's always someone here willing to help.

SueMarie: Glad you're able to keep that pound off. I just know you'll be adding another and another very soon!

Marcie: I see you checking in. :)

Barbg: You're not looking like yourself lately, you ok? I love the graphics, but you haven't been creative with your signature the last couple of posts. I'm concerned. [[[hugs]]]

Iwillbe: I said "piece of cake" too. But that's not always the case. It does take some "doing" sometimes. :o

Terri: I'm sorry about your boss. She sounds like a heartless B1^@H!!!! How can they be so callous, especially when she knows you're going through some tough times? Prayers and hugs going out to you and DH. I hope BIL made some positive strides today. I know you've been involved in family "issues" before. I'm sure this is very stressful for you. * I'll have to see if I can find the Oprah magazine still on the shelves somewhere. I assume that was in the January issue, wasn't it? * My back has been very good lately, knock on wood. :rollpin: Thanks for asking.

Angela: I'm glad you were able to get through with emotional VICTORIES, they don't happen that often. Usually "emotional" and "victories" don't make it into the same sentence.

Hilta: Good job on the treadmill. :tread: * That train derailment was a real disaster. The chopper crash in the Middle East too. Prayers going out to them all.

Ruby: The talk with your daughter must have been heart wrenching for you. I remember when the "baby" was still in elementary school, maybe 3rd grade, he came home, looked at me and started crying. I asked him what was wrong, but he didn't want to tell me. I finally convinced him that he could tell me anything and he shared that someone at school had made mention of his "fat" mom. My heart bled for him. I told him not to worry, that they were right, I was fat, but that I thought I was also a good mom and that should be what mattered most to him. I know it was tough for him. I was tough for me. Not tough enough, however, to make me do anything about it. I know what you mean about "I wish that I had come to my senses years ago, and not wasted my kids' childhoods in a wallow of fat." Me too!

Teflon: Ok, this is how it goes here. Sarg :drill: comes out and says "get with the program. There's no time like the present." :drill: That's part of what we're here for. Do just one little something OP today. Water, veggies, exercise....just one little thing. It will lead to TWO little things tomorrow. [[[hugs]]]

Serious: Good for you stocking fridge and cupboards and being ready. I have felt so crappy today that I got out my South Beach book, which I WAS going to take back, and have decided to read and get going. I think some of my crappy feelings today may be sugar related. Time to do something about it. * BTW, it was me who said measure. I'm going to take my own advice and do that today. The scale was not a pleasant sight and I need to get working.

SueMarie: The pedometer is a good idea. I'll bet you'll be surprised how many steps you get in in a day.

Well, my dears, that is my afternoon catch up. We've been so very busy here lately, I need to do replies more often just to keep up. :D Love it!!!! See ya all later. Love :love: ya bunches.

I woke up with a splitting headache this morning and still have it catch up later

Afternoon Everyone!

Jazzgirl – yeah exactly! You know, with all that depression and pain and being teased back in high school… why did I wait so long to prove people wrong? But no use dwelling on the past, no matter how much I do it. It’s definitely contributed to my depression, that’s for sure… but sometimes it just motivates me as well.. . :) If no one answered your question OP means On Program. Also… Baby Steps… that’s my motto, soon you’ll be able to kick up your 5 minutes at a time to 7 minutes then even 10 and longer… I’ve seen the gazelle… I’ve thought about getting it but I believe they said it can only support up to 275lbs. That disqualified me right away heheh… let me know how it works out for you :) I wanna get a boflex hehehe, cause you know, after I loose my evil twin (about 200lbs) I’m gonna need to try to tighten up my skin, gonna have a lot of flappy arms. Besides I wouldn’t mind looking, what’s the word, “sculpted” :lol: well maybe just a tad bit ;) WOW I too just listened to your songs, you have a great voice!

It’s raining again here… Today… well besides the gloomy rain, the relatives have decided it is time to make a visit (aunt flo and uncle TOM) soo… I just pray with all this rain I don’t get my spirits down in the dump and pig out. It’s gonna be hard enough to keep my cravings under control now that TOM is here.

Being extremely over weight, I’ve had problems with being “regular” matter of fact this problem started when I was 18. The only thing that sorta kept me regular was being on the pill… I really hated taking that stuff… I gained weight like crazy. However, from what I have been told from doctors, my weight is storing the estrogen rather than releasing it which is keeping me from having regular TOM’s… It’s amazing tho, that just loosing that 30lbs the last 4 months I’ve been able to keep track of things and I have never been regular my whole life. Or maybe, its just a coincidence?? Anyone here have the same problem, and have experienced this with their weight loss?

I hope I didn’t offend or you know, gross anyone out.

Sue…