I remember the last time I was on here reading the threads. I had dropped from 343 (that number is stuck in my head because its the highest I've even been) to roughly 280. I was so proud of myself, and with good reason. I had done something incredible, something I thought I was hopeless. I had gotten under 300 pounds. I remember reading about all the people who were starting their journey over for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time and in my head I was like ha. That will never be me. I will won't stop losing weight. I will keep dropping until i'm under 200lbs. Then I dropped down to 275 and stayed there. I was at 275 for at least 2 months. Then Thanksgiving came and I was whatever. If eating healthy all the time gets me nowhere, then one day isn't going to hurt. Then Christmas parties, and New Years drinking. I slowing stopped caring because I felt like nothing was working and why should I eat salad if I wasn't getting anything out of it. I stopped tracking my calories, I stopped forcing myself to do that lap around the trail. I basically reverted back to my old self. Now its almost 2 years later and I'm 330 pounds again. I'm back to breathing heavy just walking up and down my stairs. I'm back to wobbling when I wake up because my feet/legs hurt. I'm back to the constant breathing issues that my asthma gives me. Asthma that didn't bother me when I was 280. All of those pretty size 22 clothes that I bought no longer fit. I'm back to barely fitting size 28, having to repurchase items that I had donated just a year ago. I'm back to dreading picking my daughter up from preschool because the halls are so small and I feel like I'm always in someways way.


Two things stick out in my head. One is a statement that my old boss said to me years ago. She said we deserve what we accept. This runs through my head all the time now. I deserve to be this big because I just accepted the fact that I plateaued. Instead of fighting for what I wanted I just accepted it. The second phrase is I wish I was the size I was the first time I thought I was fat. I honestly have no idea where I heard it but I sometimes think about it. I really do wish i was that size. That size was only a 16. That is a perfectly acceptable size in todays world. My size 28 is not. At size 16 I could sit in a chair and not worry that it will break. I could go to friends house and not worry about sitting on a couch or chair and embarrassing my self. I could go to a movie and spill over to the seat next to me. I could ride a train and not have someone groan because they had to sit next to me.


I'm sorry this got a bit ramble-y. I guess I'm just hear to say Hi, I'm Ruby. I'm 330 pounds and I'm starting my weight loss journey for the second time.

Welcome back, Ruby! You know you can do this. You only have to succeed for today. Then yo!I do it again tomorrow. Good luck to you.

Hi Ruby,
You sound like a thoughtful and articulate person. I too wish I was the size I was the first time I thought I was fat. I look at my pictures now in high school (when I thought I was fat) and I wasn't fat at all. I looked great! Why didn't I know that?

Anyway, it's great having you back. I think the main thing is just to keep going. One thing that has helped me this time is limited my "eating window" to 8 hours or less. That means I eat nothing for at least 16 hours, and just eat within the 8 hour window. I just tell myself I can have whatever I want "tomorrow" and it seems to really help.

Thats actually what Im doing! I won't eat anything all day then only eat dinner. I know it sounds backwards but I work 3rd shift so it works for me.

Hi Ruby,

I'm restarting my weight loss as well.

I am back again and re-starting. Your story sounds so similar to mine! I was at 330, went down to 280 and felt great. I was the smallest I had been in years, was fitting into smaller clothes, and actually started to feel a bit more "human" and confident. I felt happy, and I could never see myself going back. I did. Gained my 50 lbs back and more. It's a difficult thing to deal with, and I still don't really understand my thinking or how I let it happen (again!). I will keep trying though.

Wishing all of us success and happiness!

Me too!

RubyLeprechaun I could have written your post, it really touched me because I related so much. The way we treat ourselves we sometimes don't realize it until we hear those words coming from another to herself. I was once nearly in Onederland (less than 10 lbs away) but thanks to a series of Unfortunate Events, I ended up turning back to my old drug of choice, food. I went from 301.6 at the official start of my weight loss journey in February/2014 to 209.2 by late November/2015, regained after that and ended up pregnant in the late 260's/early 270's (a happy surprise) got up to 311 before delivering, delivered and instantly lost 40+ lbs over 3 weeks only to get to my highest by late November/2019 of 316.8. *whew* My partner showed me a YouTube video about keto, I was wary about giving up carbs at first (sugar was my biggest vice) but I was convinced and started low carb, and I've slowly (over the past 5 months) reached 294.7 lbs. , I tried coming back to the site a few times in the past but kept falling off the wagon and letting my shame keep me away. No more, wherever you are is the perfect place to start and continue. I wish you all the best on the journey, let's do this.

I'm glad to see you back here, Candidcamster. I used to follow your journey. You did this before and you can do it again! Hope you stick around.

Thank you so much, I remember and appreciate all the support you gave me. I was telling myself I'd come back to the site when I lost 30 lbs, as if that made sense lol, it did in my head because of all of my stumbles, but life is too short to be embarrassed when your goal is to better yourself. Eyes on the prize, I'm back and I've been doing this for 5 months. Covid-19 is another reason to take weight loss seriously, sadly it is one of the complications/mortality risk factors.

Just popping back in to see how everyone is doing. All of you that have shared your stories, I can relate. So similar to my own. Candidcamster I really thought about what you said about staying away from the site out of shame. That is also me! It's pretty embarrassing to be here this long and still battling and not fully succeeding. I've been here 21 years and not been able to post my "success story". It really puts into perspective how long I have been battling and how much of my life it has consumed. I'm not giving up yet!

Hope you are all hanging in there and finding your way

Hey Ruby2sday, thanks for your reply. Allowing our shame/feelings of defeat is what keeps us down, it's time to overcome it, and run, walk or crawl towards our goals. You've been fighting for 21 years, that is something to be proud of, not ashamed. I remember a long time ago I came across a woman that had lost 100+ lbs repeatedly and at the time I didn't appreciate how remarkable that is, now trying to lose my regain and finally reach a healthy weight, I envy that woman.

I have a saying that i keep up on my fridge and mirror it's a quote, "If you're tired of starting over, then stop giving up. "

Welcome back, Ruby! You know you can do this. You only have to succeed for today. Then yo!I do it again tomorrow. Good luck to you.




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