Down this road again with new challenges
 

Hello everyone! I stumbled across this forum while trying to search for bras that would possibly be big enough for me. Found a thread that had me nodding my head in agreement to full out giggling and saying "yes, that describes me exactly!". I apologize if this gets too long (I feel it might) so feel free to skip it. I won't be offended :)

I weigh 350, but I will say 355 because the scale easily goes 10lbs in either direction. When I was thinner (300lbs maybe) I managed to go down to 210lbs. I don't think I really appreciated or understand the accomplishment that I had done, but when winter came that year, I stopped walked because it was too cold outside. Slowly over the years, weight crept back on. And now that I am at the heaviest I've ever been, I have two challenges in addition to lose weight.

I suffer from chronic migraines and daily headaches. I also suffer from spondylolisthesis grade 1. I lost my job because of both of my health conditions, and I am feeling I have a good day if I can stand more than 20 minutes without burning pain in my back do to the spondy. Walking is a luxury that I feel I've lost. I used to walk miles for pleasure, not exercise. Most days I sit in a chair and look out my slider feeling sorry for myself.

I've tried losing weight, even a small amount but I cannot get the scale to budge. I've counted calories and only at 1200 for a month. Nothing. Not a single pound. I've had my thyroid checked, double checked, and quadruple checked. It's all on me. Eating healthy is very difficult as living on my husband's income isn't easy. Cheap food is bad for you. But, I want to change. I need this change.

The funny thing is, I was never taught to love myself. When I was 18, I was a size 18 and I loathed myself so much. I cried at my reflection. I kinda of laugh now at how much I hated myself then when I that size. I thought I was the size of an elephant back then. Ha, irony at it's best I suppose.

But here I am, trying. I have a friend that is gorgeous and a little on the heavy side and can lose weight easy. She used to be my walking buddy when we lived closer. We still get together for walks, but it is very rare for me. We went for a 3 mile hike through the woods the other day; it was the longest I walked in years and I am paying for it today. Charly horses, back pain...but it was fun.

I guess I just don't know how to start or even find a morsel of motivation. Losing weight is hard to do on your own, and even more difficult if you have a stubborn (and overweight) spouse who isn't on the weight-loss mindset. How do you lose weight when you cannot walk?

Welcome! You are not alone. I also lost - 100 lbs - about 10 years ago. I didn't regain it all, but I regained 80+ lbs. Here I am again. I highly suggest MyFitnessPal as a way to track calories and connect with other people in your boat. Also the 100 lb club here on 3fc.

As to motivation...that is something I also struggle with. I read this on a message board on MFP and I re-read it often.

Motivation is a fickle, fickle master and can easily be overturned by all sorts of other emotions and occurrences. I'm currently coming of a big bout of, not just lack of motivation, but bloody minded self sabotage.

In short my advice is - stop relying on motivation. Motivation is a positive emotion - meaning when you aren't so positive it wanes, and it isn't always around. Do you go to work because your motivated? clean your house because your motivated? Wash your clothes, shop for food, pay your bills? Nope - you do them because you have to and that's a part of life. Try and think of weight loss as in the same category. You're not doing it because you 'want' to (which is motivation), do it because you HAVE to (which is determination, even resignation).

In short - mind over matter. You don't need motivation. You have that. Your motivation is to live longer, be healthier. Now make yourself determined to do it!
:dust:

Welcome....I'm so glad you are here!!!
Please join on the exercise thread....we'd love to have you.
Remember it takes patience and commitment...
It's about the long term journey not the sprint!!!

Also, there are several free sit and be fit style videos on you tube.
Start there.

Thank you for the welcome Lilion and sweetcakes!

Lilion, that was absolutely amazing! Love that quote!

sweetcakes, thanks for the video recommendations! I will check those out!