I've been doing the gym pretty well for a month now, and using the mapmyrun to track it, linked to my facebook. Yesterday at a park day one of the mom's I know kept talking about how she needs to do something about her weight, and go to the gym and just kept saying, "Well if you can do it than I should really be able to do it".......So....Because I'm so fat, it must be an impossible feat that its not horrible for me to workout, or that I'm not an active person.....But you a moderately overweight woman in comparison should be able to do so much more. I don't think I took the conversation wrong because it came after a discussion about a man who weighs about 450lbs in our area who was been on the news because he runs a 5K every weekend, and about how the community is rallying to support him, and she said the same comment about him and then look at me and said it again.
I'm fat. I know I am fat. I know that makes people think I must sit on my *** and eat insane amounts of high fat foods constantly. And yeah I do emotionally eat, its a big reason I am here.....but I am an active woman, even when emotionally eating I am an active person. I just feel very insulted....
I am sorry to hear this. And yes that was very insensitive of her and belittling. I was lucky in that I did not get any insults when I was fat, perhaps because I am a guy.
However, upon losing the weight I have lost count of the number of times people have said to me "you were as fat as sh!t" or stuff like that.
I find this insulting too.
A lot of people clearly have deep prejudices about overweight people which pisses me off. It annoys me because I am fundamentally the same guy, just thinner now and yet people's world view of me both in my professional and personal lives seems to have transformed simply because of the change in my weight. I am not sure what to do about that. But now I have lost the weight, I try not to make the same mistakes as they do.
For example, I always sit next to fat people on trains. Because no one ever sat next to me. God knows why. It was like they were afraid of catching it or something...
People have this tendency to make themselves feel better by comparing themselves to others by thinking, "At least I'm not THAT bad..." Unfortunately, many times, they make incorrect assumptions about others. I don't stress over it, because those assumptions are born of ignorance. I know what I'm doing, how much I eat, etc. I must admit, that in a younger time in my life, I thought the same way as some others, like, "At least I'm not THAT stupid." I was taught that line of thinking because that's what my mother did. I've since realized that it's the wrong way to go about getting inspiration. I now compare myself to myself. I can jog now-I wasn't able to before. I'm at the lowest weight that I have been in 3 years. My way of thinking is changing, etc. Long story short: focus on you, and don't worry so much about how others perceive you. You remember how you have improved when self-doubt creeps in because of others' ignorance.
Edit: I wanted to state, just because she perceives you as worse than she is doesn't mean that you are. Please don't misinterpret my meaning. It simply means that she may view you in that manner. She's making no effort to change thus far. You are.
Last edited by tootsieroll81; 04-29-2015 at 04:06 PM.
I'm curious...did you express to her your feelings and interpretation of what she said?
I've noticed that since I've lost weight, I'm no longer as passive or willing to accept mistreatment from others. Before, I would have quietly listened and then had an emotionally fueled binge at home. I've since realized how much abuse I was willing to endure; it's been quite liberating to stand up for myself. I wish I had the self-confidence before to do so.
If it happens again, I hope you express to her what you said here. She needs to realize the impact her words have on others.
Omg. That sucks. You know what else sucks when you try hard to lose weight and someone knocks u down instead of being supportive. IE the 10 lbs I lost in 16 days with better food choices and exercise and a person tells me yeah that's great, but I lost 15 lbs in 2 wks and didn't have to work as hard. Then has the nerve to drive us to a Mexican restaurant for lunch!
@shaducky: hugs to you hun!!! People can be so insensitive. I have many examples of this having similar happen to me in my lifetime (always been big), many of those left me in tears.
I remember sitting on the bus once a lady came and squeezed on the half of the seat left and when she got to her stop, she told her friend loudly while getting off the bus "it's disgusting how much people eat and let themselves go these days" or something to that effect. The people in the bus within earshot all turned to look at me...i just started crying and got out at the next stop (which wasn't even the right one sigh).
I've never been quick witted or confrontational so i never say anything...but if i could i would curse people out and tell them that i am actually busting my butt in the gym everyday and eating clean. Why people kick others when they are down i will never know, sigh! Hugs hun!
@shadylove: so sorry hun! it really sucks when someone who's supposed to be your support system knocks you down....that really sucks! I once did a "crash" diet with a relative of mine for a week, i lost half the weight they did and they kept going on about "how come i lost x pounds and you lost less? Are you sure you didn't cheat? etc etc" smdh don't know what's wrong with people
Oh hun, I'm so sorry that she made you feel bad-as the other people have said, some people are just ignorant. I too, get insulting remarks, but they are from my husband, in front of our 7 year old daughter...the type "Look, doesn't Mommy look like Miss Piggy?", those types of remarks--it is sad because my daughter takes up for me more than I do--my point is, I understand too why you didn't say anything...perhaps with the encouragement from your online friends, you can find the words to let her know it hurt your feelings and/or it wasn't an appropriate thing to say...Good luck hun, and keep up the great work!!!!
Cherry: It's like everyone thinks that all bodies work the same.
I have several of my own insensitive people stories. My first, and almost last flight because I was so embarrassed, for instance. I bought 2 tickets, to make sure that I didn't cause another person on the flight to be uncomfortable. As a result, the airline let me board with the disabled. Since it was my first flight, I went to the flight attendant to ask what I was supposed to do. I had two suitcases which were strapped together with a bungie cord, and I was leading my daughter who was four at the time. The flight attendant told me to stand in front of the doors with the disabled to pre-board because I was one out of like 5 people boarding using a disabled form. This old lady in the A line started giving me grief, telling me to get back to the end of the line, even after I held the form up that showed that I was allowed to pre-board. My daughter was crying because this lady kept yelling, and for all the lady knew, my daughter could have been disabled. Fortunately, the woman's husband told me that I was fine, and told her to pipe down. It looks could kill, her husband and I would be dead. I heard her arguing with her husband, and making comments about me a little quieter after that.
Ava, if my husband was like that, I'd drop about 235 pounds in 2 seconds. Life is too short to be treated like ****. My husband is not like that. He got with me when I was big, and told me that he would love me if I was 90 pounds or 900 pounds. He helps with chores, watches the kids so that I can get breaks, and has never belittled me, never hit me, never called me a name, and constantly encourages and supports me. All women deserve that type of man. He's not exactly "hot", but how can I expect others not to be vain if I'm vain myself? We've been together for nearly 14 years, and we show no signs of stopping. Have you talked to your spouse about how much that bothers you? If he loves and respects you, he won't do it again.
I think you already know this, but I want to say it out loud - just to be clear. She is wrong! She thinks if you can do it, then it must be easy. WRONG. This is NOT EASY and no one said it was. It's not easy if you're 300lbs or 120lbs. It takes strength and dedication to do what you're doing. People don't see the hard work, they see the results and want to get results without the effort, and that's never going to happen.
My advice is don't let her comments phase you, anger you, or throw you off center. Use her negativity as motivation and keep pushing.
Um...I think you need to brush the dirt off your shoulders..that is what I like to call a hater...To me she's jealous and rather than going out and doing the work she's tearing down the people who getting it down.
I know it bothered you, but to me she really wishes she could do what you and the other guy are doing. Ignore it and keeping doing your thing. Use it as motivation to do even better.
ShaDucky, I know I'm a little bit late to this thread, but I just wanted to say that I understand 100% how this feels. I feel judged all the time by people's insensitive comments. I've heard it from my doctors, my family, even from people on this very site! And every time I'm still shocked, lol. I really shouldn't be, because so many people have no consideration for others. Even when they may think they're being helpful, they sometimes aren't being helpful at all and they're hurtful.
Just in the last few days, I've felt judged on this site because I asked for advice about exercise helping boost my weight loss, because I keep hearing from EVERYONE that I'm not losing it fast enough. I am counting my calories, I am weighing and measuring and watching macros. I'm not cheating myself, but people on this site have even flat out said that I must be calculating wrong, because it's just not possible to lose weight so slowly when you're doing it all right. So I MUST be lying.
I'm not perfect and when I have my bad days, I own up to it, but why would I lie or cheat myself? I'd only be hurting myself, not anyone else. It's upsetting, so I've decided to just say a big SCREW OFF to anyone that doesn't want to give positive, helpful advice. And once I am 100lbs down, once I am at my goal weight, I can't wait to face all of the people who made me feel judged or like a liar when I wasn't. People's attitudes say nothing about you, but everything about the person that they truly are inside.
Let their words RAGE inside of you as FUEL to keep fighting. We'll show them!
Tranquil: I don't think that people are intending to be insulting. I think that people just don't know your specific situation. I can tell you that I'm not perfect, and sometimes I do make mistakes measuring, or miscalculating how many calories that I've burned. That's why I have a Fitbit now, use apps to track my calories, and I don't eat back calories that I've burned. I think that people, on here, assume that you can possibly make the mistakes that they have. Not that you have, it's just in the realm of possibilities. Sometimes it has nothing to do with math, and more to do with really not having a good knowledge of what calories a food has or what kind of exercise and how much is needed to burn so many calories. I partially blame food manufacturer's for that because some packages are unclear. I was reading a bag of popcorn for instance. It said 25 calories per cup, but 170 calories in a popped bag that hold 4 cups. Really? 25*4 is not 170, last I checked, so which is it? I'm sorry that you feel judged.
I personally take the advice that I've given, and I either use it, or dismiss it. I don't dwell on it. I know what I'm doing. You can say the same of yourself; you know what you're doing, and that is all that matters.
As far as you go, after reading about your medical problems, I think that part of your weight may be horrible inflammation and fluid. Stress causes the body to hold onto weight. I hope that your issues are solved soon.
If I ever make you feel judged, just know that I never intend to, and I'm sorry if I already have.
I like the saying "don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often" But with that being said...I still get pissed off when they do it.
Insensitive Remarks
