After many starts and restarts I am finally ready to lose this weight and start living. I have struggled the last ten years through diets and disappointments and I guess it's true that you have to really want to lose the weight. I have always worried, or if I am really honest, terrified about losing this weight. I have gotten really comfortable in this body and losing the weight feels like stripping bare for all to see.
* *I have realized that I have built up this image in my mind of being thin and happy. But...what if I'm thin and miserable...what do I do then? That question and fear of the answer has kept me in the habit of self sabotage. I am really tired of my size ruling my thoughts and actions. I can't go anywhere or do anything without considering my weight and how it will affect/hinder such activity. I would like to take a seat without worrying about the chair being able to handle it. I would love to walk into a room without wondering about being the biggest person there or praying for there to be another big girl around. I want to be free from this kind of thought process and have fun. So....I have to lose this weight for my sanity because I cannot do this for the rest of my life. I'm still terrified of the end goal but staying as I am is no longer an option. Just wanted to share.
I'm ready with you! I feel all of what you say, believe me. The hardest part for me, though, of the struggle to get it going and maintain my plan and stay OP is that if I fall off the wagon, not to beat myself up! Even skinny lettuce eating model girls eat M&Ms by the handful sometimes. Who am I to judge myself so harshly? I just need to keep on keeping on. We all have Christmas and holidays and amazing weekends that have great food! It's staying on task after messing up or indulging that is hard for me. I want to do it for real, too!
Welcome back -- we all know how you feel becuz we've been there, but I am glad you have decided to continue on. Make a commitment to yourself. You want to do this, you need to do this, and you CAN do this. Don't think about the past or the future, only today. One-day-at-a-time. And btw, you WILL feel better as you go along. We can attest to that for you ...
I completely understand how you feel. I never like being the center of attention and that is one of the biggest issues I have with losing weight. As soon as people start noticing that i'm losing they always want to make a big deal about it and that is the last thing I want.
I just want to hide in the back ground, not be front and center..
Yes! I really hate being the center of attention. I don't want a spotlight shined on me, which unfortunately I feel is the case because of my size. I cannot wait for the day that my weight does not make me feel like I am the freak in the room, in actuality or in my head.
Fungirl I agree 100% with what you said. I am the same way. I have been this high weight for years without much effort to try to lose it. Now I am trying. It's amazing to get the motivation back! I hate wondering if the seats will be too small, if I am the biggest girl wherever I go, hate having the pictures taken, etc... we can do this~ keep posting! we can all do this together!
Same here Fungirl, I'm really committed now. I lost about 50lbs 3 years ago, gradually put it on over 2 years and just havent faced up to it and have felt so guilty and shamed I'm back to where I started. I'm finally owning up to it and doing something about it. I've cut out chocolate for 2 weeks now (my MAJOR downfall). Not saying I'll do it forever, but until I can be more controlled around it I'm leaving it alone. I'm calorie counting and committed to getting rid of a big chunk of this weight now Good luck to you and I hope we can share our success stories in the not too distant future!! xoxo
Good for you, Its a constant process for me. I know I probably won't be as gungho as I am now in afew months but I've accepted that thats my current stye, lose for a while, maintain for a long time, lose for a while, maintain for a long time. Eventually I might just get healthy. :-O
I think the key is figuring out what will work for you realistically. I realized that I can't just cut out all junk food...it get too daunting for me and I will end up going on some eating binge. I have started with monitoring my calories and staying within a range. If I decide to have some chips...I keep it to the serving size and I add 30 extra mins of exercise for each "treat". This keeps it in my head that if I have a treat that I don't have to go overboard and I will have to pay for it with more exercise. Most days I don't want to exercise more than normal and it will keep me eating healthy. As long as the food isn't forbidden I don't feel deprived and that keeps me from feeling overwhelmed.
I am finally ready
