[Truffle]

We all know we're supposed to "just do it", decide one day to lose weight, pick a plan, and then follow it.

But when your own mind throws ridiculous obstacles in the way, how do you overcome that?

The mind obstacles I'm battling, and just can't seem to get past yet:

1. I've 99% given up on ever being able to lose. I can take off four or five pounds, then start regaining immediately, and this happens EVERY time I start making some headway. I'm discouraged and depressed about it, and have only the tiniest shred of "try again" left in me, but it's flimsy, and can disappear in the blink of an eye.

2. I believe that a low carb diet of some type would be best for the way my body functions now, yet I'm never able to stick to any of the low carb plans. Too afraid of "missing out" on some kind of goodies. Yet, I hate counting every calorie, and the minute I start eating the carbs, it's very hard to stop eating them. The cravings are STRONG for them, and I haven't been able to eat low carb long enough to get rid of them.

3. A husband who is gaining right along with me, and who has as little self-discipline as I do when it comes to food. If it's not one of us buying/baking some kind of dessert or junk, it's the other. We're not helping each other. We both start out each day saying we're going to eat healthier, but then before lunchtime, we've both managed to blow it.

I WANT to take off some of this weight so I can feel better. I don't even care so much about looks. Just to feel better, be able to move easier, get enough energy to actually participate in life instead of being forced to stay on the sidelines due to my size.

Is there some "magical" thing that I'm missing? Am I destined to be this fat for the rest of my life? How can I give myself some HOPE that I can take off some of this, when I really don't feel any hope at all?

I get so tired of starting fresh every day and failing before lunchtime every day.

[Ewiemama]

I feel the same way!!! I'm actually very educated in nutrition; if I were asked to make a menu for a friend on a diet, I would be able to provide an excellent collection of healthy recipes packed with flavor. I'm a great cook and I can make what seems like the most boring food exciting and satisfying. So why can't I stick to a healthy diet? I'll stock my fridge with fruits and veggies, only to scout out a pound block of cheese at midnight and down the whole thing. I'll plan on having a chicken salad for dinner and end up picking up a pizza for my daughter after school and eating half of it myself. My husband works at a restaurant and brings leftovers home late at night. I love eating healthy, but I also love junk and even though I want so badly to lose weight I seem to love eating even more. I can picture myself thinner and happier, but the pleasure I get from eating always seems to take over because it's an instant fix. I know if I lost weight I would experience pleasure every day from the energy and confidence I would have. I just can't seem to look that far into the future. I seriously think I am addicted to eating and I need some sort of counseling. It's the same as being addicted to a drug; the addiction takes over and I am no longer in control. I am only 31 and I dress like I'm ten years older because of my weight. I just want to feel attractive and young again!!

[kaplods]

I've spent the better part of the last 40 years trying to figure this out (I was put on my first diet in kindergarten and weighed 225 by 8th grade, and 300 lbs shortly after college graduation, and nearly hit 400 lbs shortly after marriage.

For me, it started with 20 lbs of accidental weight loss (I was treated for sleep apnea with a cpap machine, and the pulmonologist who was my sleep specialist told me I'd probably lose some weight without trying - I thought he was nuts, but he was right).

I realized that I had no idea how to get any more weight off, but decided that I could at least keep the 20 lbs off.

This I believe started my successful journey. Instead of trying to commit to losing weight, I decided to commit to preventing wieght gain. I decided that I would work on maintaining my weight loss and "maybe losing just one more pound."

For two years, I managed to keep the 20 off, but didn't lose any more. Then my doctor recommended low-carb.

I have a terrible time sticking to low-carb (I follow a low-carb exchange plan), but I learned that I didn't have to be perfect, I just had to be better.

I also decided to stop focusing on weight loss at all, and instead focus on behavior. So for me, that meant taking on changes that I was willing to commit to forever, even if they resulted in no loss at all. This meant that weight loss wasn't my goal, it was a reward or side effect of my real goal (making healthier choices, and developoing healthy habits).

I also had to commit to a "no guilt" policy. That was very vital for me, because guilt always, always, always led me down the "I screwed up, I suck, what's the use, I'm an idiot I might as well be a happy idot and eat whatever I want" mentality.

I had to remember that for my dietary changes "every bite counts" and for my exercise changes "every step counts" and for my other healthy habits "every choice, every minute counts."

It means there's never any reason to turn a small mistake into a ginormous one. I decided that getting healthier was like climbing a mountain. Going slowly was ok. Stopping to catch my breath, was ok. Backsliding wasn't ok, but it wasn't reason to throw myself to the bottom of the cliff either. If I backslid, the goal was to stop the slide as quickly as possible, and get right back on track.

I also decided that I could give up weight loss, but I vowed to never give up weight maintenance. I was always going to say "I may not be able to lose another pound, but I can maintain the loss I've acheived so far (and maybe I can lose just one more)."

The thing is weight maintenance takes almost as much vigilance as weight loss, so if you're already putting in the "maintenance" effort, there's a really good chance that the "just one more pound" really is in reach.

It's taken me a ridiculously long time to lose 90 lbs. In part, because I tend to not just "stop to rest," on my climb up the mountain, I tend to get distracted and rest a little too long. In the old days, I would say "bad, rotten, stupid, worthless me" but I don't do that anymore. And while that means it's taken me six years to lose 90 lbs (most of it in the last 2.5 years), it also means that I haven't had a true regain in 6 years! My weight has fluctuated, so I do have small gains (small backslides) but I haven't thrown myself down the mountain, not even once, in 6 years. In the scheme of things that's almost unbelievable progress.

You may need a different path than I took, but the important part isn't the path, it's finding a way to move forward and only forward. If you're moving forwards, and never backwards, you will eventually get where you're headed (or at least get a lot closer than you are now). It may take me 10 years to get all of the weight off, but I no longer feel that the journey is impossible.

I'm not always sure that I will reach my ultimate goal, but I have complete confidence in my ability to get "just a little closer."

[astrophe]

1. I've 99% given up on ever being able to lose. I can take off four or five pounds, then start regaining immediately, and this happens EVERY time.

Sounds like you don't know how to maintain to me. Because you can lose 5 lb at a time til you get to wherever it is you are going.

It took me 5 years to navigate the Christmas holidays and figure out how to deal with that without gaining.

I still have not mastered maintaining, though before I've lost all they way down to 20 lbs from my goal!

So give yourself a pat on the back for your losing success. You know that part!

2. I believe that a low carb diet of some type would be best for the way my body functions now, yet I'm never able to stick to any of the low carb plans. Too afraid of "missing out" on some kind of goodies. Yet, I hate counting every calorie, and the minute I start eating the carbs, it's very hard to stop eating them. The cravings are STRONG for them, and I haven't been able to eat low carb long enough to get rid of them.

Have you had a physical? I know this from being PCOS/IR -- it IS hard to knock off the carb habit. And the only way I know how to do it is to count calories/count carbs.

3. A husband who is gaining right along with me, and who has as little self-discipline as I do when it comes to food. If it's not one of us buying/baking some kind of dessert or junk, it's the other. We're not helping each other. We both start out each day saying we're going to eat healthier, but then before lunchtime, we've both managed to blow it.

With what? Are you setting up thinking like "I'm never eating cake again!" or something? The human animal is perverse. My doc told me I can't drink alcohol for 3 mos to see how my lab changes and I don't even drink except for New Year's, right? But as soon as she told me I CANNOT, I've been wanting drinks every weekend! Maybe you need to work on your internal monologue and how to talk to yourself?

Is there some "magical" thing that I'm missing? Am I destined to be this fat for the rest of my life? How can I give myself some HOPE that I can take off some of this, when I really don't feel any hope at all?

Get a physical. Check to see you aren't deficient in B12, D, and/or Magnesium. All those related back to energy/metabolism some how. Rule out hypothyroid, insulin resistance or any other underlying medical issues that may be holding you back.

I get so tired of starting fresh every day and failing before lunchtime every day.

So.... can you start at lunch and go to the next day's breakfast? What exactly happens in your midmorning that causes the crash?

A.

[Truffle]

Thank you for the replies.

I should have included that I'm hypothyroid, and have been for over ten years now. Even with treatment, I've never regained my energy, and have never been able to lose more than maybe eight pounds at the most, before I start regaining.

I know that there are some people who are hypothyroid and never manage to lose again. I was just hoping I wouldn't be one of them.

I'll still keep trying to lose though. I have to.

[kaplods]

I'm borderline hypothyroid (low, but not quite low-enough for my conservative doctor to want to medicate). I've read several books on hypothyroid, and while different authors have different recommendations, for weight loss low-carb or low-GI plans are often suggested for hypothyroid patients.

I too have a hard time sticking to a low-carb plan, but I've found that excess carbs (especially processed high-glycemic ones like sugar and wheat) severely aggravate many of my health issues. I feel best and have the most energy on a low-carb or paleo style diet (limiting fruits to just two or three servings a day, and almost eliminating grains and starchy foods).

I try to look at carbs as I do my wheat sensitivity. Just because I want to eat these foods, doesn't mean I should, or that I'll feel good if I do. Wanting them, and even eating them doesn't change the fact that to feel good, I have to avoid them. For example, every once in a while I will eat something with wheat in it, because I "couldn't resist." Inevitably by the next day I'll have a skin reaction. My face will be puffy, red, and flaky, and to keep it from getting worse, I'll have to slather my skin with steroid cream. Sometimes I can prevent the reaction by putting the cream on as soon as I've eaten something with wheat in it.

That doesn't mean that I can eat whatever I want and just load up on the topical steroids (although I'm sometimes tempted to think that).

To a lesser degree, carbs do what wheat does. If I eat very high carb (even if I ate no wheat), I'll get the same skin issues, and also my fibro pain, fatigue, and brain-fog get worse. It means that even though I have a hard time sticking to a low-carb diet, it doesn't change the fact that I feel best and lose best on a low-carb diet.

But you don't need to be able to stick iron-clad to a low-carb diet for it to be effective. We tend to believe that a person has to be perfectly on plan to lose any weight at all. That's not true. You don't have to be perfect, you only have to do better. So if carbs are an issue, you don't have to live carb-free to succeed, you just have to eat fewer carbs/calories than you are eating right now. When your weight stalls, you'll have to reduce it a little more.

I've lost all 90 pounds imperfectly. I have a hard time sticking to my calorie and carb budget (I use a low-carb exchange plan), but because I'm eating less than before (even if it's not as low as I usually plan/hope for) I've still lost 90 lbs just by doing better.

Personally, I don't plan in high-carb treats (some people have success with this) because I have too much trouble sticking to my plan. You could say that I make too many mistakes to plan for intentional mistakes (but I'm not saying that if you plan for them, it's a mistake).

I don't let mistakes or less-than-perfect choices convince me that since perfection isn't possible, I might as well really screw it up. I just do the best I can, even if my best sucks butt.

Screwing up is almost a sacred ritual of dieting. If you can't be perfect, it's traditional to screw up as badly as possible (if you can't be perfectly good, then be perfectly horrible).

Learning to diet half-heartedly actually allowed me to lose 90 lbs. In the past, when I couldn't stay on plan, I'd decide to go WAY off plan, and start fresh tomorrow, or Monday or the first of the month, or the first of the year...

Now, if I can't be perfect on-plan, I try to stick as close as I can. When I can't put 100% into my plan, I put what I do have into it, even if it's only 10%. Even on bad days, I can work at not making my situation worse. So if I eat something that wasn't good for me, I don't decide to really screw myself over by eating everything in sight. That was a really hard lesson to learn though, because it's just how dieting "is done." It's a hard habit to break, because I've spent so many years doing it and watching others do it.

[carolr3639]

It means there's never any reason to turn a small mistake into a ginormous one. I decided that getting healthier was like climbing a mountain. Going slowly was ok. Stopping to catch my breath, was ok. Backsliding wasn't ok, but it wasn't reason to throw myself to the bottom of the cliff either. If I backslid, the goal was to stop the slide as quickly as possible, and get right back on track.

This is it in a nutshell. For me, I had to stop thinking about foods as good or bad and really concentrate on not overeating. For example, I started ordering happy meals at McDonalds with ice tea. And now I could not eat a regular meal. I eat half a fruit for a snack but I eat a couple potato chips sometimes, too. I feel so bad Becky because I pray for you every day.

[Ewiemama]

Kaplods--- I just love what you wrote about taking it slow and not beating yourself up about small mistakes. Thats very inspiring to me!! I have such a problem with that. If i screw up a little bit I just figure i might as well go on an eating binge for the next three days. NOT good!! And I am so proud of you! I don't care how long it took you, 90 pounds is a great accomplishment!! I also find that excercise helps me to keep from eating. When the eliptical machine tells me that it took me and hour of sweating and grunting to burn off 300 calories it makes me think twice about eating that cookie!! I also think the more I read the posts on this site, the more inspired I am. I must admit that sometimes i avoid visiting the site when i've been bad on my diet

[starbrite]

Weight loss is a mental journey. If you want it enough it will happen. But, you have o stop looking at the big picture and start celebrating the little victories, one step at a time. I have been on countless diets- given up so many times. But this time it was different. Choose a plan carefully. Make it your own, and adapt it to suit your way of life. Listen to no-one else in this regard- listen to yourself. I too have a husband who is very overweight, who can eat his bodyweight in things that are bad for him. I put weight on when I first met him, mostly due to his love of sweet things, and I spent the next 18 years trying to undo the damage his eating habits had inflicted on me. THIS TIME was for me. THIS TIME I have given up the excuses and decided to do it once and for all for me.
I have gone low carb. low fat, low cal - I have lost 146 lbs in 14 months. I started truly exercising about 6 weeks ago. My mental state has been encouraged, supported and whipped a few times by the awesome people here. I weigh daily to make me accountable for my actions. I plan like the devil for situations where I may be derailed. I have been through high days, holidays and a wedding to name but a few, and continue to lose. YOU CAN do this- you just have to want it enough. Feel free to PM if you want full details of the plan I used, o if you want to explore your feelings further.

[wendyland]

I lost my mom 3 years ago. She was only 45 and had 85% clogged arteries. I thought that was going to give me the motivation to lose weight. I tried weight watchers several times and calorie counting. I would do great for about a week or two and then feel ravenous. I never managed to lose more than 5 lbs.

I've felt guilty that I'm not honoring my mom by losing weight. I had also weaned my daughter at 9mo old from breastmilk because I wanted to work on my weight. She's 4 and I weigh just as much as when she was born.

Anyway... I discovered paleo/primal last year and started reading The Primal Blueprint. I would try here and there to quit one thing at a time and gradually try to go primal. I just kept sliding back. A month ago, I read Everyday Paleo(which I loved!) and decided to do a 30 day challenge of eating no grains, sugar, or dairy.

The first 4 - 5 days were really rough. I was very strict the first 1 1/2 weeks. I had a couple rough days, then I was back on track. I'm now finishing week 3. I've lost about 8 pounds so far. This is actually the longest I've gone with this few average calories. I probably have about 1400 - 1500 a day. I used to feel ravenous at 1800 calories when I used to do WW. I keep it between 50 - 80 carbs a day. I don't deduct net carbs.

I'm still playing mind games with myself. I think that will take awhile to get over. I really wanted mcdonalds the other day & fought myself and I ate at home instead. I wanted chinese last night, but didn't go for it. I did have a klondike bar and about passed out from the sugar rush and actually thought it was too sweet. I have started to add back a little dairy and a little sugar in the form of 70% dark chocolate.