[BeautifullyBroken]

Well I am back... it is now almost May and I have been off the band wagon since Mid February. I can proudly say that I have no gained. But haven't really lost either. In think that I am still down 10lbs from my starting weight. I am confused I don't know if I want this as bad as I thought that I did. It's not that I am happy because that is so far from the truth I guess that you can say content. That is truly sad. I am content with being so over weight. I know no difference though I always have been. I have a whole drawer full of work out clothes now so I can't use that as an excuse. I have the running shoes. I have the Ipod. I have the Zumba disks I have the biggest loser disks I even have the taboe disks but I do none of them... What is wrong with me? I am starting college online in 4 weeks. Why can I be dedicated to do that but not make myself healthy to put that degree to any use.

[ilbnej]

I have a couple of thoughts: (1) unless YOU want to do this, you aren't going to - and unless you are in a immediately life-threatening health situation, THAT'S OK; (2) maintaining is better than gaining; (3) it sounds like you are going through significant transition (starting college) at the moment and maybe you simply don't have the time or energy to focus on another life changining transition; (4) there is no use in beating yourself up about this - whether you are overweight or not is not a reflection on your self-worth, and it is not unchangeable (as so many wonderful folks on here are living proof), so choosing not to make this commitment today doesn't mean that's what you are choosing for the rest of your life - you can change your mind next week, year, etc.; and (5) you posted again on this forum for a reason - please don't let it be a way to obsess and torture yourself about a commitment you may not be ready to make - but assuming it isn't - then maybe you are back because you are ready to make the commitment, but you are scared (of failing)? If so, then you are in the right place to find support and friendship to help you succeed.

Either way, best of luck!

[silentarctic]

Hey,

I'm sure if you want to figure it out you will. For excercise, maybe you need to start smaller, find something that you can do consitently to build your confidence. Rather than beating yourself up about what you are not doing. I think lots of people beat themselves up and then let that be an excuse to do nothing. If all you are ready for is 10 minutes a day of excercise, then do that 10 minutes, and cherish that ten minutes and congratulate yourself on doing that! Small changes that you can handle. Trust me I have bad weeks and good weeks, bad MONTHS and good months, bad years and good years. Learning to forgive myself and move forward has been the biggest change for me recently. Take care of you!

[NotTheCheat]

Welcome back! I have to agree with the small steps approach. Don't focus on what you don't feel like you can do right now, and just stick with what you can do.

The question of "how can I want this so much when I think about the big picture, but when it comes to the moment my actions don't reflect that?" is a huge one for anyone stuck in the struggle. That is something only you can answer for yourself and may involve a bit of soul searching.

[SMSDREAMER2007]

Welcome back beautifully! I am about an hr, to an hr and a half from you and I know how you feel. Before this attempt I had lost 20 lbs without really trying, gained 10 back and spent most if not all of last year trying to keep that same 10 off, I was only trying half assedly, I cared, but I didn't I wasn't unhappy being big, but I wasn't happy either. Finally something clicked in jan and I said enough is enough, I spent all of jan planning out what I wanted to do and in feb started. Had be very successful since! When you are ready you will. Don't force it. Maybe right now you start exercising with the thought of not gaining in mind. I have also been the "fat chick" my whole life, I cant really see myself as anything else, but I want to be, I have pcos, I might never be able to have kids but I don't want to be overweight like I am, I want to be able to share clothes with my sisters in cali, with my friends. On easter one of my sisters came to see us and got chocolate on her dress, we couldnt wash her dress to get the stain out cause none of us had clothes she could wear...or even remotely close to her size. I want to be able to be the one who can say "here wear this so we can wash that" but thats just me and why I am on this journey...these are things that made me ready. You will have your own motivations and reasons, and when you are ready you will know it. For now maybe just hang out on these forums and dont forget about your weight loss goals.