So, my scale is hovering around 309lbs. My appetite has severely gone down, I no longer eat to that full feeling or else I get really uncomfortable, but as I have been subsisting on sugar and carbs, I am not surprised by the lack of weightloss.
Lately things have been beyond hectic at work. Just beyond it. I was very afraid of being treated with bias at work and being viewed a certain way, and more and more, I feel like my boss is treating me unequally. Her actions are so apparent that everyone knows it, but as croneyism is involved, and we are in a touch job market, no one is going to talk about the issue as no one thinks that anything will really change. It is just accepted that my boss treats some co-workers more like people, and other co-workers like idiots. I feel like I have so much to contribute to my workplace, but because I am treated more like an errand person, I don't feel I will be allowed to progress. There are only a few people at work I can talk to, but because of how difficult everything is, no one really expects my boss to change if the conversation is had----again.
I have been looking for other work that pays the same or more. It is so difficult right now and I feel my self-worth in regards to my job abilities is slowly being eroded.
I have been escaping a bit from the workplace drama by getting out more and trying to date more. I met a guy a few months ago who seemed to have a lot in common with me and I really liked him. But, he has a mental disorder, and is totally erratic. He told me that he is so busy that he felt it would be better if we just remained friends....yet, he kept trying to be romantic with me and buy me things. Totally mixed signals. And, he works less than I do, so, I just didn't believe that he was too busy. He has flaked on me a lot.
So, we stopped talking around the same time that I met a new guy.
The new guy I met had some issues, for sure, but I liked him. First it was his looks, and then his personality. I was also really shocked that he was so enamored with me and so attracted to me. He really laid it on thick to the point of telling me that he was falling for me. I felt it was odd that he was saying it so soon. But, he was going through a really rough patch in his life, and I was being very nice and kind to him, so, I don't know if that swayed his beliefs.
All of a sudden, in the span of less than a day, he decides to tell me that certain things I do really irritate him and that he has a red flag about me and that I should leave him alone. Of course I would never bother him and was shocked at how he said it to me. He was so mean about it. He did tell me that when he breaks up with women, he does get a bit cold about it.
Well, he was definitely cold towards me and doesn't want to see me anymore. He also mentioned something that scared me and my friends, so I have no intention of talking to him or seeing him again. We were only dating a short while, so I am not terribly sad about it, but I just felt the way he went about things was kind of hard.
I just feel a bit down and blue right now. I have got to get my weight under control and start eating 1) more food and 2) more of the right foods and 3) less of the not so good foods. I am feeling pretty sad right now cause I feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing this year, except being dumped 3x by people that many of my friends say they would not have dated, and that I was waaaay too nice to. I am very scared about dating now cause it seems like the men keep getting worse----alcoholic, then psych meds, then possible abuse.
I don't want men like that, but I just don't seem to attract regular guys.
I have got healthy food in my fridge and will cook some good protein today for work. I have a cool event coming up in about 15 days, and I want to lose as much weight as possible. I feel like weightloss would really help me to get re-focused and feel like I can achieve positive things.
Back at square one :(
