I've lost a decent amount in the month and a half since I started this diet, and I'm starting to notice the difference, but every once in a while I have a mini-breakdown where I think, "Oh my god. I'm going to be doing this for a year and still be bigger than what most people would consider a nightmare."

It's not like I'm saying it's pointless and giving up. I KNOW I have to keep going and really do this, but it's just such a long way to go, especially knowing that I'll still be a fat girl 100 pounds from now. Does anyone else feel like this, or am I being dramatic?

Having lost nearly 90 pounds to get from about where you are, to about 200 pounds now...I have to say...200 pounds is not "huge" or a "nightmare." Yes, for a while, you will still be pretty large; but by the time you get down to 240, 220, etc., the difference will be significant.

So what if, in a year, you are not "skinny"? Does that really matter? In a year you will be very pleased at your progress, if you keep at it.

I didn't mean to insult anyone who has come so far to get to that weight; I'm SO sorry if it came across that way! I just meant that a lot of women's "rock bottom" is seeing a 180 on the scale, you know? So people who don't know me have no idea that I'm trying. They think I sit around eating cupcakes all day. And a lot of people will still think that after I've lost 50 pounds, and probably after I've lost 100.

No no no, I didn't mean to imply that you'd insulted me. What I mean is that 200 pounds probably doesn't look like you think it does. When you get to the point where you are visibly changing to the people around you, then, they will know that you are obviously not sitting around eating cupcakes all day. (Although, if they think that poorly of you, do you really truly care what they think? To **** with 'em.)

You may be very surprised by what you look like when you get down to 240, 220, 200, 180. Most days I look at myself in the mirror and I think I look smokin' hot, no joke. The number on the scale is really not that relevant. And, I am pretty sure that all the people around me (other than my husband, who knows what the number on the scale is) would be pretty surprised that I actually do weigh 200 pounds; we have a common cultural conception that 200 pounds means "OMG HUGE FATTY!" when it truly does not.

I can relate somewhat - I am short and so for me my idea of rock-bottom (probably worse than most people's) is 200 lbs. So for the past 2-3 years when I've been above 200 lbs, I've actually found that the fact that I know I have X lbs to go to just get to the weights I see as more desirable (170, 150, 130 and so on) has held me back from making serious attempts at losing any of the weight. However, I think you just have to do it for you - and there are plenty of differences between 300 and 200 (or 240 and 200 and so on) including health issues, whether or not you can comfortably sit in an airplane seat, whether you can wear normal sizes and so on... or so I keep telling myself.

Baby girl,
You're just scared, thinking about the new life you are creating is frightening so one of the defenses that we use is to make our journey seem impossible and that even when we get there, it wouldn't make much difference anyway. I've already lost 50 pounds and a few people have noticed but I don't care. I notice, I FEEL the difference and that's all that matters. My opnion is the most important.
I'm already 142 days in to my new life, that passed in the blink of an eye.
A year, two years, three years, that's nothing. If I live to be 80, 3 years is such a short percentage of my lifespan.

I feel the same way, often actually.

When I lost weight a few years back, I started at 220 (oh, if I could go back and smack "old me" right now...) and by the time I got down to the 190's, 180's, I felt FANTASTIC! I'm only 5'2, mind you. I just have to keep reminding myself that while getting to my goal will take a while, once I get down into the 220-230 or even 200 range, I will feel SO much better about myself.

We just have to keep going. I can totally relate, though! ::hugs::

It can always be overwhelming if you focus too much on the big picture... When I first started I thought, "How the heck can I possibly lose over 100 lbs?!" But I find it is much easier to try not to think about the big number and just focus on little ones. My next big mini-goal is 200... Even that can seem far away some days. Just try to take it one day at a time... they all add up eventually.

I remember one time on the phone my sister was wailing to me that she was up to 150 lbs, could I IMAGINE how big she was getting? Now my sister knew I was considerably overweight but didn't know how much I weighed (we are the same height). I simply told her that were I to lose 100 lbs (which at the time did not seem remotely possible), I would still be heavier than that. It shocked us both for a few minutes.

So I know what you mean about realizing how hard you're going to have to work and how long it will take to still be bigger than many women want to be. But trust me, as someone who is almost there yet still in "overweight" category, it feels great. I've been at this a little over a year now and truly can't believe the difference after 20 years of carrying around the extra 100 lbs.

That's awesome!

All of your responses made me feel better! You're right, sweetcakes; I'm just scared. I'm worried that I'll always feel ugly no matter what I weigh. But from all of those who have lost a lot, it seems like it feels amazing

You are doing great Paradise!! I know how you feel too! The hard thing to remember is that how you feel about yourself will determine how other people see you. That may not make sense and some people will never "see" you! They will see what they want to see. Try to focus on why you are doing this and use that for fuel. I am assuming that getting healthy is your main reason.

I have always been overweight and have "dieted" for most of my life but with God's help, I now have a totally different outlook on this journey! I CAN do this no matter what people think or say. As hard as it is, try not to let people or things get you down! You CAN do this! You are a beautiful, vibrant woman and that's what you should tell yourself every morning when you get out of bed. It may sound silly but it will work and when it does, that's what people will notice!

You're so right. I know that, too, and I really wish I could give off a more confident air. I knew girls in high school who were really big but no one ever mentioned it because of the way they carried themselves.

Paradise,
You're beautiful NOW!!!

Exactly. When I was 220 and on a diet (wow, I miss that number!) people would scoff would I said I was dieting and say "you don't need to lose weight! You are skinny enough!" Everyone wears weight differently. I see some at 150 that look unhealthy, and some at 250 that look fantastic. In fact, my "goal weight" is 200 - although I gotta say that I think I start looking pretty good, and feeling pretty good, at around 230!

But, anyway, I do completely get where you are coming from. When you feel like have SO FAR to go in your journey, it can feel very overwhelming. I try to not think of it in terms of "I have 150 lbs to lose." I make smaller goals. My first goal is to get to 307 - the weight I was before I had our first baby. My second goal is to get under 300. You get the idea... These smaller goals seem so much more achievable than a big number.

The thing is, weight loss won't solve all your problems (whatever they may be) and won't automatically make you feel good about yourself. Take it from someone that has been dangerously thin with an eating disorder AND dangerously obese as well. If you have self esteem issues, it's great to recognize that so you can work on your self image as you work on losing weight. That way, as the healthier new you emerges you will actually be able to SEE your success. If not, you will never be happy with what you see in the mirror. I really think a lot of my yo-yo dieting and eating disorders stemmed from low self esteem and self image. (Even when my ribs were sticking out and I was only eating 250 calories a day, all I saw was fat fat fat. Now, ironically, I've become my own worst nightmare!)

Just something to think about - weight loss is no guarantee of self esteem. Rainlady said it best -- you are beautiful NOW. I hope deep down you know that is true.