Good Evening all,

I just got back from a short walk. Only a mile tonight as Joel and both doggies were with us and that is a long way for our little old lady, Pepper.

Amy: I hope that your day is better now. Hugs.

Lindy: I tried to email you but it came back. I just realized that I typed it in wrong. lol. I will try again. Sorry about that. :) hugs.

Carol: Woo hoo for the woosh!

Jacquie: Hugs.

Cyn: Did you unpack? I hope so that will be great to have the chore finished.

Catherine: You have such beautiful eyes and smile!!!

Not much going on here. Just not myself lately. I can't put my finger on it. I am having some icky body issues. Praise God I have been able to lose so much weight now I need to love my body through the extra, extra skin issues.

Blessings all,
Annie

CHICKEN IS CHICKEN - or is it???

Since my husband only works one job today he does the shopping after work.

I figured it would be a good time to push for some healthier foods. We negotiated and he told me I could pick 3 items as long as it was not stuff that took a lot of prep and no frozen dinners cause he didn't have time to sort through them.

SOOOO... I said I wanted a deli roasted chicken, a salad and a case of bottled water. (I know bottled water is not the most eco-friendly choice, but I had a really hard time handling the big jug and cups last week - I had water on myself, the bed quilt and the floor.) Anyway, I figured we'd have enough for our family meal and leftover chicken and salad for my lunch cooler for at least two days.

My excitement over eating at the table and having a fairly heathy meal dissolved into bewilderment when he produced the biggest tub of potato salad i had ever seen in my life and a deli chicken labeled "Bacon pepper flavor". The grocery ad listed at least six acceptable roasted chickens, everything from mojo to bar b que to apricot glaze, but oh no, my dear husband picked the "only one wrapped in bacon". when I protested, he said that I did not tell him I wanted a lettuce salad - which was "all the way across the store" and "a chicken is a chicken".

BABY Steps - I peeled the skin off the chicken.

Lots of love to everyone!!!

Lindy

Hi guys, Just a quick one tonight. I have been wallowing in bed for the past 3 days, feeling kind of sick/kind of depressed/messed up sleep... I am going to try my best to get out of the house for church and to walk the doggies tomorrow. My minister/mentor/friend is leaving in a month, and it's making me really sad.. I'm trying to line up some things to look forward to so I have some positives after she moves away. And she is coming back iN Dec for my grad. Just have to push through.

xoxo

I'm also thinking of doing the cookie diet for 2-3 weeks. I inherited some "smart for life" cookies. The problem is I have a hard time choking down the cookies. They are revolting, and even more so since I found out they have FISH in them. Blech.

Cyn - Yeah, you and I are on the same page! It is like, I think we get to this point, well not everyone but I do believe most people, where you just say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! In fact that is what I said to them lol. I just said, I've HAD enough! I'm done! I like the detached feeling from them, sometimes I get really upset about things, like today is Mother's day and I miss my Mom A LOT, but I DO NOT MISS MY STEP MOTHER! God no. I don't hate her, but I do not consider her family to me. I never will again. It may sound cold, but I just think you have to detach from these people and move on. I really do want that strength in me back, where I just...well go for it! It is in me somewhere...lol *hugs*

Catherine - *HUGS* I am glad you and your Mother are talking. I think my step-mother will NEVER change. Knowing that any communication with her would be kept at a distance, which is what I need and think we all totally get it when we have been through these things. I think knowing my step-mother will never change and knowing who she is and why she is like that, I wouldn't have a problem emailing her, but phone chats not for a lonnnnng time. Just hearing her voice makes me angry! lol she even sent me an email two years ago, when I was doing well with weight loss, and said she thought it was time we work on our relationship. The anger I felt was so strong that I haven't replied yet, but I have made it clear to my father that I am not ready to respond nor am I ready to have any sort of a relationship with her. So, they both like backed off because the know they have NO control over me what so ever. I find that interesting because it was all about control for them and once they lost that power they had a huge tantrum, tried to hurt me, then because I didn't care and was putting myself first, they backed off quickly. Amazing how people are like that! lol

Pink - Hang in there. I know those times are tough, I hate struggling and feel I am always struggling. *HUGS* You can totally get out of bed and face the day, even if it is for five minutes...as Lindy said in her postings, baby steps.

As for the cookies...ew. Fish? lol That sounds so depressing lol.

Annie - Bah skin issues can totally drag you down and stress you out! With my skin...oh lordy, I still get upset sometimes. I'll tell you, it is funny, I literally will look at my skin problem areas (skin disease related) and I'll throw something like a towel and get this huge rush of anger out, like a tantrum, then I'm like fine. I go "okay...YES I have a skin disease, YES I have excess skin, YES it is there and I hate it, but I'm still a person!" lol...the pep talk works for awhile and I try to find something I like about myself...lately it has been my breasts. I actually have less angst toward things...the excess skin gets to me as well. It used to a lot more, but I think when I got diagnosed with the skin thing, HS, I went through this devastation phase and now I tend to just get my anger or frustration about it out like quickly. Boom! Then I can try to tend to my skin. One thing that I do every time I take a shower or if I'm feeling kind of icky, is I lay in front of a fan naked and I air dry. It has made such a difference in my skin and I now I'm looking toward moisturizing more. The air though, awesome for my skin. haha..I hang myself out to dry. :D Still...that is what I do to cope. You are SO BEAUTIFUL and a TRUE inspiration to us all!

Lindy - Heh men...well you handled the situation well though! You worked around the bacon chicken festival before you! :D I think if men could have a woman wrapped in bacon...they would.

******
Today it is cold and windy and hehe I love that! I'm going shopping later for FOOD and juicing stuff *waaaaaaa* okay I'm not looking forward to juicing, but I'm gonna try new recipes and dry my hardest! I'm also going to do more vibrant smoothies so I can get some fun in there! I think this reboot is what I need.

Love my new shoes, I wore them out yesterday and i'm amazed at how a good pair of shoes can like change your outlook on going outside and exercising! I wasn't hurting, I wasn't feeling weak in my ankles! AWESOME! They are so cute too!

So, I ordered some clothes from that one stop plus site and lol..apparently everything I ordered came from the Avenue, so I sort of said "well...I guess that means I love that store!" So, last night I went out there with a mission, to get a bra and panties! I needed a nude bra, got a new shapewear piece that is nude and it actually fits nicer and lifts my stomach up a little bit. Not much, but a little bit. I like it. :D So, I got a soft, squishy bra. weeeeee...and I tried on a skirt and I LOVED the look, but feel I'm not ready just yet for a skirt. I said that to the lady who was helping me. She laughed and said she understood. ;) But I loved how I looked. So hippie and carefree and cute! It was a dark denim skirt, tiered. Weeee...gives me inspiration!

How exciting, perhaps that is what I should do. Go try on clothes when I feel depressed! Or buy a sexy bra! Oh la la, I also got some sexay panties. muahahahaha...of course I feel like a blimp in them, but okay I'm 280 pounds, I can't expect to look like I'm not. I AM getting there!

I do feel like this is my summer, the summer of change! :D :D :D

I also got some red lipstick...a bit bold for me, but I love it and will play dress up later. Muahahahaha. :D Of course the clothes I got online were just knits and things, mostly to wear for exercise and around the house. Had a budget of $200 and I've spent like 140. So I'm good on that stuff. :D Even though I couldn't really afford clothes, I needed them so badly. I mean I can't keep wearing things that don't fit right or fall off of me. I also need more options and things that are nice, but also I can pal around in around the house or get down and boogie with when I do workouts. :)

*HUGS*

Happy Mummy's Day for all with rugrats of all sizes and furbabies!

Um, Pink.. fish?!?! In cookies?... ewwww. no wonder they are revolting lol. I hope you are able to get out a bit. It will help you feel better about things.

GGG, your trip sounds very very exciting! I'm jealous. Alaska is one of the 8 states in the US that I haven't visited and is at the top of the list.

Annie, I haven't been myself all weekend, but it is all TOM's fault. He showed his nasty self today. Hugs to your sweet Pepperpuppy. Oh and Happy FurMom's Day to you! I hope Moose and Peps give you lots of sloppy puppy kisses.

Lindy, baby steps.. it was still chicken! Men, geeeesh. They need specific written instructions. One big step was no soda. Consider that a BIG baby step! Too funny with the water everywhere. Sounds like water bottles are the way to go! I always like bottles cuz I'm a klutz and will knock stuff over all the time. I need lids on things that I am drinking.

Cyn, glad everything has gotten fixed in the new house! Hope you took a bit of a break today.

Amy, oiy, sorry that day at the Subway was a crap day. I'm hoping the baby is feeling much better now and you've gotten some rest.

Jacquie, the first step in removing yourself from toxic people is recognizing that they are toxic and exactly how they are toxic to you. I am learning this right now in dealing with my big sister (who is on the path to destruction). I have to keep reminding myself that I am first! I forget sometimes. LOL.

I made my flourless choc cupcakes today. I tried to make them healthier with adding flavorless protein powder... um.. didn't work LOL. Trashed those. Made them the way I made them before when they came out so good and they are now cooling on the stove. TOM hath arrived and is trying to make me miserable.

Hugs to all,
Ratkity

Happy Mother's Day to all! Even if you don't have kids..you are a Mom to someone..furbabies..nieces..nephews..hubbies ..boyfriends lol

Lindy:lol chicken is chicken I suppose..way to handle that situation though. My hubby does MOST of the grocery shopping and i remember telling him one time to get cheese we were all out. He came home..put the groceries away and I said where is the sliced cheese. He said the store was out. I said out of cheese. He said yes. I said in the whole entire store there was no cheese. He smiled..nope all out. I knew he really just forgot!

Catherine: Love the pics!

Pink:Let me know how that cookie thing goes. My sister wants to try that. I don't know fish in coookies ;(

As for me: I got alot of unpacking done yesterday. My living room and kitchen are all done. I just gotta finish our bedroom and craft room.

Today is the $th and I hope FINAL game between the Suns and Spurs. That is what I want for Mother's day..the suns to sweep the spurs lol

Have a great day yall!

Happy Mother's Day everyone,

Lindy: I think your attitude on the chicken and salad is fantastic. Baby steps for sure. It will probably take some time for your DH to realize you are indeed changing not just wanting to change but actually changing. Hang tough, it will happen!

Pink: Hugs to you. I hope you jump out of bed and take a walk.

Jacquie: Ugh to the skin issues. I think I need to learn to appreciate my body more instead of focusing on the negative. Thank you for the nice compliment. You are so sweet. I wish I could be brave enough to wear red lipstick. :)

Rat: Happy Frumommies day to you too! Yes, my furmommie kisses started at 3 a.m. with Moosie wanting on our bed. Joel has gotten him into the habit of being on our bed every, every morning. Started wayyyyy back when he was 10 pounds and tiny. Now..... not so tiny. Over 60 pounds and loves to get between us and snuggle. Peppie isn't a snuggler but I got on the floor with her and cuddled her for a while. :)

Cyn: I hope your Sun's win it for you!

We went to the early service at church. Our pastor was sick so his boss drove all the way here from Lewiston to preach. About a 2 1/2 -3 hour drive. I am sorry that our Pastor is ill but the sermon that this Pastor gave was just what I needed to hear. It is amazing how God does that kind of thing.

After church we went to Wal Mart to get a few things then Joel insisted on taking me to breakfast at a new little restaurant near our home. It was sweet but I would have rather came home and had a protein shake. lol.

I wanted to tell you guys about a little snack/dessert type. Not sure If I mentioned it or not but I will now. If I already told you guys please forgive my rambling. lol.

Okay fresh strawberries. Dip is made from Greek Yogurt which is loaded with protein and 1/2 package of sugar free cheesecake pudding, a whole package was too much for my taste. About 16 oz. of Greek Yogurt. Just pour the pudding mix into it and mix. It is really yummy. I took the stem out of the strawberries and piped some of the dip into the strawberries. It was super pretty, super tasty, super low cal and super yummy.

Okay, just wanted to share. Again, Happy Mother's Day.

Blessings to you all,
Annie

Hi Peeps!

Just peeking in for a sec. I've been in bed all day with a heating pad and decent drugs. Well, didn't dawn on me that I wasn't drinking my water/fluids. I got up to sort my vitamins for the week and oh my! I got very lightheaded after a few minutes on my feet. I'm sitting and drinking water now. Geesh. Doesn't take much for me to get dehydrated!

Annie, your fruit dip sounds like a great version of my standard party dip! In the regular version (full sugar) it's a large container of plain yogurt, 1 pkg of instant vanilla pudding and thawed can of condensed orange juice. I had the worst strawberry craving last week. Got a pint of total ripe ones at the natural market and sat down with whipped cream and ate several with little squirts of whipped cream on it.

Well, I've downed a good 20 oz of water. Time to sort vitamins.

Hugs,
Ratkity

I hope everyone had a great Mum's Day! :D

Rat - OOOO I love chocolate! :D Those sound yummy.

Cyn - I hope your team won!

Annie - I think skin sucks...i mean if you think about it the most beautiful, thin, wonderful awesome woman in the world STILL hates her skin! Still has blemishes, cellulite, bumps, etc etc. I think that says a lot that no matter what there is always something. I mean just the other day I started OBSESSING over my HUGE nose pores! lol...I mean I have a skin disease and excess skin and I'm still so big and I'm like "OH NOES NOSE PORES!" Oh lordy...On the scale of things I think nose pores are like the bottom of the worry list! I'm even washing my face with this junk and i'm gonna make a friggin' tomato and honey mask...I'm gonna put it everywhere! lol...ew... I told my friend that I needed to do something about my eyebrows and I told him that some women get them threaded and I explained that, and others wax, and I will just tweezer and try to trim as best I can and he goes "OH MY GOD! THAT SOUNDS LIKE TORTURE!" I mean we shove ourselves into bras, stockings, garters, shapewear...it sounds so exhausting. In fact it is more exhausting to think about all that junk, make-up, facial cleansing, body lotions..blah blah, than to think about eating right and friggin' exercising!

****
Well...red lipstick is interesting lol. It looks so bright! I am not brave enough to go out in it, but whoa! The honest truth is I'm a make-up virgin really...I'm learning everything about it. What to buy, what not to buy, what won't make my face swell up and look like a blow fish with red lips... I have the bare minimum for make-up and I'm doing okay, but I so need to buy more lip colors. Something in the middle of BRIGHT RED and clear gloss lol. Because that is what i have!

It never ends...

I did my shopping today, produce is looking better, but I honestly can't wait until the farmers markets. WOOSH it is cold today, wore a sweater.

I think I almost had a bad store experience, but I'm not sure. Sometimes I think my own paranoia gets the better of me. Anyhow, this guy was sort of smiling half laughing at me, so I smiled and nodded at him! He sort of looked shocked and looked around quickly as if he didn't want me to notice he was literally looking, no, staring at me just a few seconds ago. Yeah so I was the biggest person in the PRODUCE MARKET, but so what?! lol... So, I dunno...I thought about it for a few minutes and the thing is, when I saw him again he was polite to me and smiled and such. Perhaps he saw that I wasn't some walking freak of fat? I am not sure, but I wonder. Sometimes I wish I could read peoples minds, but then I figure if it was a guys mind would it be filled with bacon and boobs?

:D

Talked to my mom on the phone. I think we got 10 minutes in before she asked if I had lost any weight. I just had to roll my eyes.

MOTHER'S DAY REFRIGERATOR -----

You can imagine my daddy dearest's reaction when my 18 year old son proudly presented me with a dorm refrigerator for my bedroom as a mother's day gift. He was buying one to take to his dorm and got me one too. Dad let my son know that a 'bedroom fridge for a 500 pound person" was "a sick gift". SO, Grandad was asked to leave our home and got to take his lunch home in a doggy bag. Don't think I would have had the courage to do that before finding this website. And my husband was home so he could back me up.

My son plans to fill my fridge with waters and get me baby carrots, apples, low fat yogurts and cottage cheese. We can keep my lunch meals in there too.

I am so grateful for your honesty and sharing. I am beginning to believe that it is okay to protect myself from painful interactions with a parent.

HAPPY DAUGHTERS DAY to all of you who have not only survived being daughters (which can be daunting) but have become incredible, strong, caring women.

"Meeting" you is an honor.

Blessings,
Lindy

PS - Cyn I have some survival canned cheese my guys use for long high adventure camping. We should send a can to your husband just in case your grocery store runs out again!!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!

STOP! Go to the new thread! :)

Darling Son gave whatever he has had this last week (which apparently wasn't just an ear infection)... heading to the doc this afternoon.

Happy Mother's day (a day late) to all the wonderful mothers out there. It's a hard job, but you know you love it :D

I finally got my ticker! and I was down 2.6 lbs last week even though the scale was giving me fits most of the week.

Question: Does housework count in the Exercise Thread?