It is one of those days, where tired from so many things, I just, deep down, want to be thin.

I know that you have to be comfortable in your own skin, and right now, because I don't feel so energetic or healthy, I am not feeling so great. I also realize that I have so much to offer in a relationship, but so many men are just not into the overweight thing. I know it is their issue, but, still....

The relationship thing made me a bit blue today because I thought I would meet with my bf, but he changed plans, and then, on top of it, he calls me, which is rare, but he misdialed. Sigh. He is supposed to call me later. While I realize more each day that may not be the best for marriage, I still worry that anyone will really accept me the way that he did.

I know these feelings are probably tied in some ways to Tom, but, they still hurt.

I am trying to make my weightloss a priority in my life by making sure I have all the healthy food related things I need for those times when my willpower is low. Tomorrow I plan on getting a veggie brush (me! with a brush to clean my veggies!!! who would have thought?!?!), some sugar free whipped cream, more sugar-free jello and water and drinks. I find tat having a lot of protein and sugar-free items helps to keep me full. Today, I ate mostly protein and my hunger is almost non-existent. I am baking some sweet potatoes---which is something I can't remember doing in ages!

Thanks everybody for letting me vent.

Hang in there, girlfriend! You can do it. *HUGS* to you. As you said at the beginning of your post, you are tired and want to be thin. Get some rest and then get those good groceries you talked about tomorrow, and you are on your way. When the time is right and the fates will it into your destiny, you will find the right person to love you just the way they find you, fat or thin...and probably when/where you least expect it. The more you feel good about yoiurself, the more other people will see you in a positive light, so get to feelin' like you are the wonderful person you know yourself to be.

Barb

thank you so much, Barb.

Sometimes I think it helps to just get the feelings out, and then stay focused on what i want in my life.

I can relate.. but not just sometimes.. all the time I want to be thin! I want all that comes with being thinner. better health, better self confidence, better everything! Our day will come if we both just keep our eye on the prize!

I would *love* to be thin! I am not...but I am not going to dwell on it....I am going to work on it! I will be a "normal" size...what that is...I will figure out when I am close to it I am sure.

I say take this time for YOU...be into yourself for a while....when you start feeling better...losing the weight...gaining confidence...the pieces will fall into place. I just would value my own thoughts on myself and not worry about men right now. JMO........

You are a bright and beautiful person, and wow, are you a force to be reckoned with! You needed to hear that today. Keep your chin up...you're finally taking care of you!

Thank you so much. I am having one of those sheepish side grins right now. Your post touched my heart. thank you!

I am still sticking with my food plan and doing good. I resisted some cravings, and am feeling good about that.

I am a bit upset because the scale is hovering at 315lbs. It could be due to TOM, so, I will try and be patient and see what the scale says later.

I am so focused on trying to make it to 21 days of not having sugar and flour, etc.

Got a little sad today about the relationship today. First I am ok and understanding it is for the best, and then I am feeling alone and thinking about my faults in the relationship. Sigh. I think I just need to focus on myself for a bit and get myself together.

I love venting here! There's such great validating company! I can't offer you any advice, my dear, but I can tell you how I'm feeling about being thin right now. Thank you for making me stop to consider this.

I think I'm over wanting to be thin, maybe, I hope. I want to feel healthy, full of energy and joy. I don't think I care how that looks in the mirror.

There are a lot of days that I have incredible peace about me, I feel confidence and inner strength, but the body is just not cooperating with my inner view. On those days, I've accidently gotten a look at myself in the mirror and actually was shocked by the person looking back at me. I think to myself "Who I am is not supposed to look like that!"

A few days, I look in the mirror and I'm at peace with who I see. I don't accept being fat, which is why I'm still moving forward with making the daily healthy choices. But I take credit for my good choices, and accept the consequences of all my bad ones.

I think it's good for me that most days, I don't have to tell myself how well I'm doing because all my good choices are now a part of my way of life. I can do a lot of this on cruise control now, and just enjoy the fruit of my healthy lifestyle. Yes, I'm still fat. Yes, it would be really lovely if I wasn't. If I were thin, the x would still have serious character flaws and we'd still be divorced.

Perhaps if I were thin more men would want me. And that almost makes me glad I'm not thin, because I'm still healing the inner me and I don't need someone else trying to define me for his own purposes. I wonder if the times I sabotage my new lifestyle with poor choices, I'm still hanging on to the safety of my ample behind and overhanging belly. And that indicates an underlying insecurity that I'm not quite ready to work out, me in a healthy relationship. Never had one of those, don't know what it feels like, scared I'd screw it up...OMG! I need a pastry!

What if someone accepts you better than you've ever been accepted before? I'd be afraid that I'd then have to accept myself in order to hang on to being loved like that. I need to exorcise some very old, clinging demons to get there. I think I need more therapy.

Hope you find more time to take a break from your worries. Are you having any fun?

I found myself very productive tonight and thinking about the things I want to fix at my place and myself. I have a lot of things that I need to work on---little things like cleaning the sticky stuff that spilled in my fridge ages ago. I see it every day, but haven't taken a damp towel to it. Why?

Some loved ones mentioned that if I worked on certain aspects of myself (not necessarily my weight), it would open me up to attracting more people.

I also think that I need to exorcise some clingy demons----I do accept and am thankful that I met my ex and that he showed me what a good man is like. He makes me realize I used to pick just the wrong kind of men. Ick! I just wish that we had more in common and better communication styles.