I am having such a hard time lately with depression. It is really hard to be overweight like this. All you see everywhere is judgement. I never feel like I fit in anywhere, and people treat me like garbage.
My self-esteem is so low that I look in the mirror and I want to cry.
I am lonely and I hardly have any friends left. The one person who I trust and who I can lean on is moving away soon, and I'm scared of being left alone.
I have no energy, to the point where I have barely been out of bed since NYE. I have not been out of the house since NYE or showered since NYE. It's hard to care about anything.
I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I can relate to many of your feelings. Sometimes you just have to do the basic things (like showering) because it will make you feel better, even if it doesn't seem like it!
I'm sending you a hug and hope you are able to feel better soon.
I have been in your position, so you're not alone. Have you thought about talking to a professional about your depression? I did and it can be such a relief and a help to get past it.
Pink Flamingo please remember you are not alone in this. I just joined this group of wonderful people because I feel like a failure also. I lost weight by myself for a year and hit a wall. Nothing seemed fair. I would try so hard and not seem to get anywhere. I have sense tried a lot of other methods and have spent a lot of money with little to no success. The problem is me, I am my own block to getting out there and being successful. So, I am going to get up, get out there and hold my head high if just for today. I know this is day to day journey so I will be realistic. It is time. Do you want to join me? Get up, take a shower and if you have sunshine outside go sit out in it for ten minutes and see how you feel.
Tuning In
California
CLC - I was first diagnosed with depression almost 10 yrs ago, when I was 18. It just kind of never went away or got better. I'm on Zoloft right now. Thanks!
Tuning In - Welcome to 3FC! Thanks for the support. I actually just did take a shower, although it's not sitting outside weather (bit of a blizzard!).
You made a really huge first step by getting up and logging on to the computer to talk about your feelings here. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said, but I just wanted to let you know that people do care.
pink: sweetie..try and do something everyday..even if it is getting on here and chatting. Do you have yahoo messenger? I have that..i am on and off the computer mainly on weekends. I know sometimes you just want to know that people are there...and we are
PinkFlamingo--I am glad you are here. As you can see, many people here can relate to how you are feeling. My best advice is take baby steps--try to do at least one thing every day, no matter how minor (e.g., take a shower, brush your teeth, go for a walk around the block, etc.). Keep on keeping on and let us know how you are doing.
I really know how you feel...there are some days that I am even sitting in a room full of people and I still feel really alone. I also do not have many close friends or people that I can confide in. What I do when I am feeling really down is read or go online. If I get lost in a book, it takes me away for awhile and when I come back I usually feel better. I realize that this works for me, but we all are different and we each have our own ways of coping.
I am sorry you are going through this and I hope that you will feel better soon.
I've totally been here several times in my life, even recently I went through a bad depression in November. I haven't had a depression like that in a few years, but they do happen.
A few things did happen in 2008/2009 that has changed my depressive moments. My hormones were a big cause of my depression, every 28 days, and though yes I have other reasons to be depressed the hormones just escalated it and brought me to my knees basically. Now I have that under control, but I still FEEL things, just I'm able to control them. I couldn't do that without some sort of hormone control. The other thing is actually dealing and coping with my issues, which is VERY hard for most of us. Facing my real demons is tough. A lot of the time I go back into my past, which isn't a good place to be, but that is the only way to really work on things with me.
In November my life had just beaten me down and I just reacted by shutting down. I had, had enough, so to speak. I think we all need time to cope and be by ourselves, the problem is when we stay there, in that darkness. It isn't healthy for us and whatever way you can help yourself (ie, therapy, medication, both) is essential.
You're not alone, even though you feel that you are and believe me when I say that I feel those things too. Most of us do. I don't have real life friends, I don't have a buddy I can hang out with, I have issues, etc. I have self esteem issues...it is very hard for me to hear compliments, I have doubts about myself...etc. The list goes on and on. But I am growing and getting there and the truth of the matter is, I could be 140 pounds and STILL have these issues. Weight is just a health thing, the healing that I have to do is from the INSIDE out. Which sucks because that kind of healing takes time, possibly a life time, but it is worth it I think.
I don't know if this would work for you but it worked for me. When I started on this journey, I started pretending stuff. Every day I would pretend. I would pretend I wasn't depressed, I would pretend I was happy & healthy, I would pretend I wasn't super morbidly obese, I would pretend life was excellent. Pretend, pretend, pretend. I told myself things were great, and I acted like things were great...even though in reality I was still depressed, unhealthy, in pain, etc.
You know what? After about the first 90 days, I realized, I wasn't pretending anymore. Making myself get up every morning out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, walk the dogs, eat on plan...every day, particularly when I didn't want to...well. I just wasn't pretending anymore.
Like I said, this may not work for anyone else, but pretending worked for me.
Pink, I totally understand how you feel. If I didn't have my band as an outlet, I don't think I would function sometimes, either. My husband pipelines, and sometimes, I go days without showering or doing anything, because I get so blue. I'm just starting my diet, this site is the only support I have...maybe we can lean on each other. Hang in there, honey, I'm cheering for you and keeping you in my prayers.
Struggling - me being depressing :(
