Zelma, GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!!xxxxxxxx
Cyn, hope things get better soonxxxxxxxx
Lauren dunno what to say about DN, are there things going off which you can't discuss here? If SIL is depressed or something her running off might be a much needed break from BIl. I hope they appreciate you looking after DN. When (I'm sure it WILL happen) you have kids it won't all be harmonius, like The Waltons, lol!!! My son causes me a lot of emotional pain but I know I did a good job bringing him up, the fact he is selfish etc is the way he is. I just hope his little brothers turn out ok.xxxxxxxx
Valerie, one day, one day I just might turn up to ride Gabe, lol!!!!! Though it will be in a good few pounds' time (money AND weight!!!) I need to get a job & save up. Hope SB is still working it's magic for you.xxxxxx
Gotta go, & finish off gardening.
xxxxxxsharon

I'm really, really glad you guys told me that about the weight gain in relation to exercise!! Today I weighed myself and gained ANOTHER POUND! Right before I came in here to check this I told everyone I was going back to 800 calories a day lol. I'll stick out this extra calories through the week though to see (it's only week 2 so I can catch up if needed).
In regards to the processed foods.. I agree. If you check my fitday last week you'll see a lot more veggies etc on it. This week was Lynn's turn at food (we're taking turns at deciding foods for the week), if anything, she'll learn that there are healthier alternatives when eating out which is what we've been doing a lot this week (except last night I made healthy enchiladas with ground turkey). Mandi isn't picking foods though in this because of her work schedule which she started last night.
I really like how you guys suggest stuff here. In another forum I was told everything is working against me in this competition, which makes me feel like just giving up (sorta).
Annette

Hello Everyone,

Just want to wish everyone a calm and generally happy holiday weekend.
AZCYN If you do choose to go on an anti-depressant I just wanted to say that I have been on a few of them and I like Lexapro because the side effects are more minimal including no weight gain. Paxil has the worst rep for that. There are many newer meds out too like Cymbalta that work differently with the brain chemistry. I am not a professional here but I have tried many different meds treating anxiety disorders. Don't hold back when you tell your provider how miserable you are. I hope that you find the right one for you. I feel your anguish right now. :hug:

Pennie

Cyn – (and anyone else who is interested in reading another “novel” from me)
I am in NO way saying all of this next bit from a ‘medical’ point of view, but just stuff from my own personal experience.

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression a few months after my father died. I went on meds (Lexapro) for 9 months, then stopped at the beginning of 2008. The doctor told me I would be on the meds for 9 months, so at the end of the 9 months I figured that was it. Well, last year I changed my job at school and things were VERY hectic and stressful. Probably not the best time to have stopped the meds, but we’re always geniuses in hindsight. I made it through three terms, then in September I had a major meltdown and was diagnosed with depression again. I say “again”, but I actually think that it was more of a “still”, and I just shouldn’t have stopped the medication when I did. I went on the same medication, but this time it made me psychotic! I was having suicidal thoughts and simply felt extremely strange. So, change of medication, to Dothep. That one seemed to work OK, but no real “wow” moments with it, when I actually just felt “normal”. I had originally gone into the doctor to tell her that I felt that my hormones were extremely out of whack, because I seemed to be worse (emotionally) twice a month – once when I ovulated and once with my period. Well, early this year I had another “episode” and the doctor figured that my hormones COULD have something to do with everything so she also put me on the contraceptive pill (Yasmin, then Yaz later) to try to even things out a little.

Now... the reason for this VERY long introduction is simply to give you a little background to where I am now.

I have put on about 20 pounds since going on the new anti-depressant and the contraceptive pill. Now of course, this could simply be because I have eaten too much, but I don’t think that is ALL that has caused it. I am also now wondering whether I would have had much better control of my eating (as I had for the 5 years before that) if it weren’t for the effects of those two medications.

Gaining weight CAUSES more depression, so I figured I had to do something about it. I have tried a number of times to “get back on the wagon”, but nothing seemed to last very long. I would have a “bad” day and I would be turning to VERY high calorie carbs again. That seemed to be the only thing that would make me feel better – well that AND nuts, which I tended to eat WAY too many of. I was very curious about these eating habits, because I had not had anything like that in over 5 years and I actually didn’t even feed my anxiety like that when I was obese. All I can put it down to is the medication. Of course, after getting into the habit of eating that way, it becomes just that – a HABIT! So, even without the medication I would probably have those habits now, unless I work very hard to change them.

Yesterday I made a couple of really big decisions. First, I decided to go off the contraceptive pill. It was supposed to even out my hormones, but I truly feel that it was such a low dose that my own hormones were overriding its effect. I also felt that the side effects were not worth any positive reactions it may have had. I still had two times a month when I was more emotional and anxious than at other times, so I didn’t see that it was working as well as I had hoped. I feel as though I can go off this medication without the doctor’s permission, because it is not a problem to do so. However... I also want to go off the Dothep, and I definitely need to do this under the doctor’s guidance. I am hoping he will see that this is something I am determined to do and will help me with my plans. I still truly feel that hormonal imbalances have been the root cause of my depression and anxiety and I want to try to sort them out in some other way that doesn’t involve chemicals. If the doctor feels as though I need to stay on the Dothep, of course I will stay on it, but I will definitely ask him to consider when I can go off it. (You may have noticed that my doctor changed from a ‘she’ to a ‘he’, that’s because he was easier to get in to see and I also lost faith in the female doctor when she told me I just had to “not give in to the ‘dark’ thoughts”. She just seemed to lose support for me. So the change seems to be working fine.)

I went to a pharmacy yesterday to have my (hopefully) last anti-depressant prescription filled. Whilst there I talked to the pharmacist about my plans and he gave me what I believe to be some very valuable advice. I asked if there were some natural products that would do a similar job to the two medications that I wanted to stop. The first thing he asked was, have I been exercising regularly? This got me thinking. I used to actually ENJOY exercise. Well, maybe “enjoy” is too strong a word, but it certainly didn’t bother me most mornings to get up early and exercise. I also LOVED the way it made me feel afterwards. For over 12 months now, I have had to force myself to get up and exercise, and often that didn’t even work. Also, after a few days of exercising regularly, at a moderate pace, I would feel unusually tired. That used to only happen to me when I OVER-exercised, so this was a puzzle to me. I certainly hadn’t been over-exercising over the past 12 months, so I shouldn’t have been having this problem. I now wonder whether the medication, or simply too many carbs in my system, were the cause of this lack of enthusiasm to exercise as well as the feeling of exhaustion after exercising moderately.

The second thing he told me was to take some Fish Oil. This actually brought a smile to my face while he was talking about the benefits of Fish Oil, as Neil (hubby) had told me a while ago that he thought my emotional problems may have escalated after I stopped taking my fish oil capsules daily. I hadn’t thought of that comment of his until I was listening to the pharmacist and I thought that maybe Neil may have actually been onto something way back then. So, I got some Fish Oil capsules.

I also got a multi-vitamin. I haven’t felt as though I needed this before, because I thought my diet would cover everything I needed. But at the moment I’m not so sure. The pharmacist said that I couldn’t OD on the vitamins in this supplement, and my body would just expel what it didn’t need, so I figured that it couldn’t hurt.

So, after getting these two things, I have decided that I have a whole new path ahead of me and I am determined to do the absolute best I can with what I have to try to get myself back to my “normal” emotional status and to get back to the healthy way of life that I was living for over 5 years before all of this happened. I have a feeling that I am perimenopausal and I am fighting with my hormones, but I have ways to deal with that now. I am reading a great book called “Is it me or my Hormones?” and it is making a lot of sense. I have also downloaded “The Art of Happiness”, which is about the teachings of the Dali Lama. I started reading this before, but didn’t finish it because I had to return it to the person I borrowed it from. I feel that I have it in me to be happy, but I need a few things to help me along the way.

So...

Cyn – I know what it feels like to be totally out of control of your emotions. I spent days where I would cry at the slightest thing, then I would also cry just for NOTHING. I would also get uncontrollably angry, and even though I KNEW it was unreasonable, I just couldn’t stop myself.

I think it would be a great idea for you to speak to your doctor about how you are feeling. And definitely lay everything out to him/her. I ended up crying in the doctor’s rooms and pretty much let it all out. I also spent a few sessions with a clinical psychologist. I will go back again soon with my new plan in mind and talk to her about that as well. It is great to talk to someone who puts a totally different slant on things.

In the meantime, it may also possibly be worth looking at some natural supplements that may help in the interim. I truly don’t know if Fish Oil helps everyone to feel better, but I have a feeling (from Neil’s insight) that it helped me and I didn’t realise how much it was helping at the time. When I looked at the packaging, it says it helps with quite a lot of things, so I figured it can’t hurt. I definitely don’t eat enough of the foods that give you Omega 3, so I could never get enough of this in my regular diet.

I am not sure whether you could be peri-menopausal, as I know it can happen at varying ages, but that could certainly be something that is not ‘helping’ at this time in your life and perhaps your doctor could suggest something for this as well.

***

I have just realised that I am not sure what my purpose was for this post. I wanted to reassure Cyn that what she was experiencing was not that out of the ordinary, and had been experienced by others. I also wanted to let Cyn know that it is OK to go on medication if it is needed. I also wanted to let Cyn know that there may be alternative treatments out there that she may want to try.

I actually think that I got more out of this post than Cyn could. Sorry Cyn! I truly intended to help you, but I think that this post has been cathartic and extremely therapeutic for ME. I needed to get all of this out, and sort it all out in my own mind.
Yesterday I started on my more positive path and I was “happy” to eat more healthy foods, and to consider what I can do to get back onto the path that I KNOW will lead to a healthier and happier “me”. This morning I got up and actually WANTED to exercise. I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill, walking at 7km/4.2mph and even did a couple of intervals at an incline of 3 and 5. I felt SO good after finishing. It feels GREAT to sweat!

My weight is down today, and of course that always feels good, but I think I just feel better in general because I have decided on a plan for my future, whereas I think I have spent the last 18 months letting others (doctors) decide on the plan for me. Of course I am still going to take their advice, but I also want to feel as though I have taken the reins back.

I thought of not posting this, because it has ended up being more helpful to me than others, but I know that I get SO much from all of your posts on here, and if even ONE person can draw something from here that would help them, then it is worth posting.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I am looking forward to a glorious day today! It is Sunday, and the sun is shining, although it is VERY chilly. We are going to head out to do SOMETHING, just not sure what yet. I just want to get out, enjoy the sunny day, after a few days of rain, and just enjoy being with Neil and finding the wonders in life again. Sorry, I am just getting a little teary here, because I have not felt like this for a while.:D

Thank you for ‘listening’.

Take care,

Zelma

For those of you with access to the Edmonton Journal, they put a full page on my husband and I in the Lifestyle section. Half the page was a large photo of us together. The article is like a long love letter from my husband. Most men who want to write love letters to their wives leave them on their pillows. I am so going to get teased at church tomorrow. Come to Canada, you can live a quite, private, peaceful life. Half page pictures in the paper was never mentioned. Oy.

How fun for you, Catherine! I went to the Edmonton Journal online but cannot find it. :(

Misti, I found it!!! go on google, type Edmonton journal & on the paper's search type Austin. I dunno how to post links otherwise I would.xxxxxx
Catherine, lovely photo of you both. It might be embarrassing but at least he's telling you how much you mean to him!xxxxxx
Well we're having a bbq, it's 12 noon here, sun is shining & I have to prepare EVERYTHING. As it's TOM too, I MUST write lists or I'll forget something, lol. There's a Bank Holiday here on Monday, & I know there's a holiday week-end over there so I hope you all have a great holiday too.
xxxxxsharon
PS Zelma, I have the same issues twice a month too, I'm taking Black Cohosh, it 'seems' to be helping a bit, but only been taking it a month or so. I'll let you know if it really makes a difference.xxxxxxx

Zelma - I read your post twice and it brought back memories for me. I remember crying to my doctor when he first walked in to the exam room. Fortunately for me a few months of a mild anti-depressant was enough - I no longer felt like the pencil ready to roll of the edge of the desk. I'm glad you posted it but more importantly I am glad you have a plan - the first step.

Zelma -- I'm glad you posted! We can't forget that this process that seems to be very much about us physically, is also a very mental process. And so much affects us mentally, and in turn, our physical selves and weight loss and maintenance endeavors.

This is a post with me being a bit groggy and well...you know not with it lol. I got woken up this morning by our landlord because our water heater needs replacing....so after getting home last night at 1am and getting to bed at 2am...I'm friggin' tired. For once I actually SLEPT lol...irony. I get woken up and loose sleep, but now I just want to go back to bed lol.

Zelma - I'm with you on the pills messing with your system. It is like they make things worse. I mean for me, sure my hormones are in control and I'm not having "dark thoughts" and I'm not out of control, but I can't really eat, my weight is going up, and I'm constantly bloated....so i dunno! Is it worth waiting three months to see if these pills even out? Or do these pills just totally screw with your system???!!!

*sighs* I wish we could just blink and like be "normal" lol. But there is no such thing...I know how you are feeling is what I'm trying to say. My life has been crap. I've been abused sexually, mentally, emotionally by people who were supposed to protect me. My own Mother, whom I loved very much, was mentally unstable and took her own life. I've been rejected by what family I have, they hate me basically. All of this sort of shapes a person and I look at myself in the mirror and I say 'why did I gain all this weight?" Well I know why, to build a giant wall around myself so I could hide inside. Now I'm coming out of my shell, physically and emotionally, and my emotions go nuts and I'm told it is hormones and yeah it probably is to some degree. Yet, I sometimes wonder...is it just hormones or is it me surviving my life??

*blinks for normal* *hugs*


*****
Currently tired...waiting for a call to see about the water heater situation. Someone asked me if I got some sleep...yeah, but I got woken up lol. I could try taking something, maybe I'll ask a pharmacist...I do have teas that are supposed to work for getting you in the mood to sleep. Maybe I'll try that. Days of no sleep really get to you!

*HUGS*

I have the link to the edmonton journal if anyone wants it you can PM me!
The picture is wonderful! You both have fabulous smiles! God is good. God is love!

Zelma: Thanks for posting that! I means alot to me that you took the time to share your stories.

Yesterday my brother came over and my cousin for a few hours. I didn't really cry that much. Before they left hubby got home. Once my brother and cousin left, I cried a few times.

Right now what I am most scared about are these sore things. Last night hubby and I were watching TV and one of them rubbed against my pants and the scab came off. I ran into the bathroom and white puss was coming out. I now ahve a bandaid on it. The dr told me not to pop or do anything to them. But this did it on its own.

I was happy that my STAPH was healing. I could not wait for it to heal because I was going to start exercising and even go swimming. I am taking the Bactrim adn it is making me a bit natious. But I am making myself eat so I can take teh medication.

I JUST DONT KNOW WHERE THESE ARE COMING FROM!!! How can you prevent something that you have no idea how you are getting!!! I am scared that these will turn into STAPH. Or that if they go away others will reappear. These look almost like a big boil. I don't really know how to descibe them. All I know is there has to be someone out there that can look at it and tell em what it is and how to not get them.

Sorry all not the greatest post but I am really scared this will be a life long problem.

Cyn, I wrote you a note about a possibility to consider when you go get a diagnoses.

One thing you can do now is take some Turmeric. I know that sounds a bit nutty, but it has been proven to work for boils and other things. There are several remedies though and I myself take Turmeric, just started a week ago, and since then my own skin issues have been less angry and are actually looking better. Just something to consider and it isn't expensive. I mean you can get Turmeric in pill form at like Walmart I hear. :)

I understand how you are feeling. I was scared too when I had things going on with my body, but I have several issues connected together. My issues, I believe, stem from my immune system attacking my body, autoimmune.

Anyhow, check your private messages. ;) :hug:

I found the picture! Wow, super picture and story.

Well, we have been inundated with calls and emails because of the story. I actually liked the picture in the paper better eventhough it was black and white. The color one on the website is cropped different. I wonder if I'm ever going to get over not liking to see photos of myself.