This is my first time here. Have over 200lbs to lose. I'm 53 and not unintelligent, but I've been dieting since I was ten years old. Hmm, makes you wonder doesn't it. I would have no trouble dieting at all if I could just still eat whatever I wanted!!
I am in love with food. I use and abuse food. Food is my favorite hobby. Just some of my issues.
My biggest problem is discipline. I DON'T WANT TO DIET! And the shame is hard to deal with. I know what I have to do. I know I have to do it. But, there is never one of those "ah ha" moments for me. I can be told by the doc how desperately I need to lose weight, I can have terrible embarrassing moments, I can sadly watch others do what I want to do, I can feel panic over my weight, I ruined my feet and need surgery, BUT I STILL DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I go to WW. Have gone for 2 1/2 years. I have forked over the money week after week. I have a great leader. But, I still don't do it.
Afraid of myself and afraid I will live like this until my body can't do it anymore.

WELCOME! You say you do not want to make changes or diet but you are here and that is something! Can i suggest that you stop dieting? It does not work most of the time for long term success. If you love food and it is a hobbie you might try to explore healthy choices. Consider making small changes that can go a long way. I try to focus on what I can do rather than what I can not do. For example I make an effort to eat 5 fruits and veggies everyday. I eat fish at least two days a week. I have one meatleass day a week. I try to get creative with my food, trying new healthy dishes. I also try to enjoy whole foods and splurge on great fruit like cherries or black berries. For example rather that eating fruit flavored jelly jellies I eat real fruit.
Tell me what have you tried before that has worked? What one food or behavior could you let go that you would not miss horribly? I hope you find support and success here becuase you are worth it!

Welcome to the forum,robin!

Come hang out on the weekly thread and let us know more about yourself. These ladies have seen and heard it all. They are such a positive force!

Alone, I can't do it, but with the help of others who have "been there, done that", I can.

So can you!

Luv,
Ratkity

No one can do this but you! We can help you with , support and a good when needed, but YOU and only YOU control what you put into your mouth.

That being said, we have several chickies here that have lost hundreds of lbs. It can be done, so sit down, make a plan, and STICK TO IT!

We have several forums and the "chicks in control" forum might be a good place to start. Starting can be the hardest part. I found that - after a week of eating clean, I was able to control that awful beast that seemed to inhale food while I wasn't even looking.

Robin, we're so happy to have you here! You are not alone in your struggles, girlfriend. We've all been there too.

I don't think you should diet any more either. Just relax about what you're eating for a few days. The food is very meaningful to you. I'm Greek...I totally get that!!! I took cooking classes. I have tons of cookbooks. I was a dessert caterer. I throw huge dinner parties. I'm well traveled and I've eaten all over the world. My pantry is bursting and food shopping is my favorite thing to do. (And shopping for food in Paris is the bomb!) I don't think you have to give that up to lose weight.

When you say you have no discipline, what do you mean by that? I have no discipline about a lot of things in my life. I'm the artistic sort and I have ADD, so discipline is out the window at my house. I'm much more motivated by profound ideas and something I believe in.

For instance, I have a huge, meaningful Bucket List. I've spent the last 25 years doing things for other people and never really got to most of my list. I'm angry that I wasted so much time trying to make other people happy by trying to be someone they wanted me to be rather than allowing the real me, warts and fat and all, to come out and enjoy life. Now I weigh over 300lbs., and I have type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and with the stress of an impending divorce, I'm experiencing anxiety attacks. I'm terrified I'm going to die before I will have actually lived!

I am seriously motivated to live. And I want to LIVE! And that has motivated me to make changes in my life that have all led to a meaningful yet s-l-o-w loss of body fat. And the first thing I had to do was to figure out why food is so important in my life.

I'm going to give you a book list. Keep eating, without angst, and read.

When Food Is Love by Geneen Roth
The Pathway by Laurel Mellin
The Body Fat Solution by Tom Venuto

Oh, and one more assignment, if you feel like it. Since you're a career dieter, you may have done this before. Write down everything that you eat, and how much. You can even do it online, at someplace like Calorie Count Plus or Daily Plate. You might make a note if you're actually hungry when you choose to eat, or if it was some other feeling that triggers the action.

Looking forward to getting to know you, Robin.

Georgia

Hi robinsmelody,

I think your last sentence is the one to focus on - that you'll end up stuck with the body you've got until the body can't cope any more. Well, at 53, you're getting to that point - I say that as one who's just turned 54. In fact, one of my key kickers was anticipated shame at how heavy the undertakers would find me when they prepared me for burial. Yea, cheery I know.

The other thing that lept out at me from your post was that food is your hobby. Me too - and I've learned to love a different side of it: I use 2 online programmes, dietpower (one-off 50$ cost) and sparkpeople (free) (both dot coms) to track what I eat. It's not just about the calories, it's about the nutritional content therein and I have great fun, honestly, in designing menus for myself that take in the things I'm missing. It's mind-consuming for a food fan, honestly. the thing I love best about sparkpeople is that you put in your height, age, weight and a sensible weight loss target, pounds and date (it won't work if you try to put in something too silly) and it tells you what you MUST eat, I mean calorie budget wise, not what you cannot. I found that very refreshing.

Last but not least, the support here at 3fc is great. It is so helpful to have somewhere to post/vent/mutter. Usually you get an answer, sometime you don't, sometimes there IS no answer, sometimes it's just so busy that people can't possibly read every post and miss you but having this typing space is a big boost.

Good luck!

robin -- WELCOME!!! I think a lot of us know exactly how you feel.

I never had discipline either, until it became more important for me to lose the weight than to stay morbidly obese. Not wanting to deprive myself of what I loved, I reframed food. I didn't say "no" to a brownie, I said "yes" to me. I found ways to cook food that was healthier AND tastier than what I'd eaten before. I learned to love the effects of exercise, even though I still hate lacing up my shoes to go to the gym.

I hope you can find something that helps you get started! Please join us on the numbered weekly threads!

I think the ladies above me covered it ALL. We're here for ya!

Hi Robin!

First, I hope your feet are okay and you are as well. *sending you healing vibes*

Secondly, I can understand how you feel really. You think you do not have discipline, but you do, we all do. The problem is we redirect it into other things. For example, how many of us take care of other people first and not ourselves? How many of us have amazing motivation, but only when it applies to helping out others or doing something for someone else....my point is that we ALL have motivation, but learning how to apply it to ourselves is a struggle for many of us.

I have a list too, of things I want to do, things I should be doing, etc, but my motivation isn't stabilized yet. I struggle with my eating, I struggle with my weight, I struggle with so many things...work, eating, weight, it becomes daunting sometimes. The thing is, I allow myself to feel overwhelmed and I allow myself to be neglectful of me. That isn't okay and I'm learning, little by little, how to overcome that. It certainly is not something that happens in a day, or a week...this is a life long journey we are all on and we can't just do something, stick to it, and be perfect at the end.

I think dieting is the downfall of many, including me. I really believe it only works for a small percentage of people who do "diet." I think when someone is in that frame mind of "I'll diet now and then when I loose my weight I can eat what I want because I'll be thin!" it just does not work out. We have to learn how to change ourselves from the inside out and that means small changes over time. So, I agree, don't diet. Start with simple changes...you'll see a difference.

One thing I love is food. I do, but for a positive and negative reason. I love food because it can comfort me, which is bad for me and negative, and I felt like it loved me back. Didn't judge me, and I could just eat and eat. Recently I discovered that I LOVE to cook and prepare food. I love it...and found more enjoyment chopping up fresh salsas than I did making something unhealthy! It is fun for me to learn how to make something healthy, that tastes amazing, and just makes you feel good. So now I am struggling to learn how to comfort myself without food and learning how to enjoy living well.

We are here for you! We understand. You can do this, we all can! Welcome!

Welcome! You don't need to diet to lose the weight. However, along the way you'll probably have to develop a little bit of discipline. This doesn't mean you have to do it all at once. Making small changes to what you eat will help, and eventually adding in some gentle exercise will make it better as well. One thing that's important when you start at a heavier weight is to make sure that you eat enough food. That sounds strange, but we just can't do the 1200 calorie a day diets. You'll freak out your body and it may even work against you.

Have you ever worked out how much you eat per day? Sometimes that's a good place to start if you're not sure what next. Say you think you're eating 3000 calories (not unlikely) - then a good starting point might be 2500 calories per day. For reference, I still eat about 2000 calories a day (more on lifting days) and still lose weight. I think as we get heavier we seem to forget that our bodies need more calories and we can feel guilty about starting a diet at higher calories. It can be easier sometimes to start that way rather than completely changing your diet. It might be as simple as cutting out something easy to drop (I never was a pop drinker, but if you are, you might switch it to water).

You absolutely can do this. You can!! I have a lot of problems with portion control ~ I have a huge appetite ~ so after years of unsuccessful dieting I finally found something that worked for me, Atkins. You have none (or almost none) of some things, like starches and sugar (which I am addicted to anyway, so it saved my life to give them up) but for other things like meat, you can have almost unlimited portions. Your appetite will naturally decrease as you fill up on protein/fat pretty quickly.

If it sounds interesting to you, check out the Atkins section of 3FC. Regardless, welcome. You can do it!!!

Hi Robinsmelody! Like so many people here I can really relate to your post. I know how you feel when you talk about the shame, and about not having discipline. But discipline isn't some inner quality that you have or you don't--you can totally learn it as you go, and you will!

I think you've gotten great advice already but one thing I can add is that it can seem really overwhelming to dwell on that big number--200 lbs. Why don't you set yourself a much smaller goal (for example: 5 lbs) and then focus on that? When you reach that goal... repeat!

You also don't need to overwhelm yourself by making a bunch of huge changes at once. I know that weight loss is a frustratingly slow process, but that's really the only way for it to be sustainable, so don't worry about being perfect and don't worry about losing weight fast. Try to start with something that you can do today, like adding more vegetables to your diet and maybe making a healthier choice for one particular meal. Then you can add things gradually.

I know you can do it! Welcome!

The people on this site are amazing, and I wouldn't have come as far as I have so far if it wasn't for 3FC.
Do stick around. You really can do it.

Wow, you guys are good. I can tell by the posts that you have energy, motivation and frankly, I'm not used to that. I want that.
The one thing I have promised myself is that I won't quit. I will not quit. So . . . here I go again. I am afraid that I will be a crybaby sometimes because that's how I process things. And, I won't go into it, but I spent 45 years keeping my mouth shut and I'm not gonna do it anymore. So, skip my posts if you don't want to hear an occasional whine.
I like your advice. I'm going to sit down and think through things. Started walking again this week. I'm getting over Lymes Disease and it's really a good thing for me to do. Helps the lymphatic system. I hate walking but I will do it anyway.
I think starting with smaller goals is a good thing. I like the idea of not dieting, but I really don't know what that means. People say diets don't work, but not dieting doesn't seem to work either. Got to sort through that whole issue.
So, THANK YOU, for caring enough to respond. That was just plain cool.

Glad you came back! And do KEEP coming back!! Many of us find it very helpful!