Wow, Donna, that looks like a whole new house! It looks great.

Debbie, thanks for asking for pics of my kitchen/dining room makeover. I will do that as soon as my mom gives me my camera back!

Rat, what a great NSV fitting into the shirt was. I can imagine exactly how that must of felt...I have at least a half dozen tees and sweatshirts etc. that were given for some kind of event that I can't wear quite yet. I always took the largest size, but they never fit. You must have felt so normal!

Peggy & Ammi...great to hear you both had good days. Onward!

Well, it's a new decade for me today! I'm really getting excited about being closer to 200 than 300 soon.

Well...I did a one hour hike in the woods this AM. Lots of rough terrain and hills and stuff. The dogs loved it and so did I!! I wish I could do that every day!!

So far..so good at being OP!! I *can* do this!!!!

Hi everyone,

I'm feeling sorry for myself today. The enormity of the task of losing enough to not be morbidly obese is looming large. I've worked so hard for every darned pound, and the results are barely noticeable. No one but me can even tell that there's a difference. I'm still huge and still "extremely high risk", and will be for a long while no matter how focused my efforts.

Thoughts swirl in my head about how I could have let myself get this big and been in complete denial about the consequences for years.

I know I'll lift myself out of this. There is only one choice for me to make, and that is to put one foot in front of the other every day from now and for the rest of my life. I'll be ok, but today is hard, emotionally.

Battle I don't often post over here, but I had to respond to yours! You and I are the same height and started at almost the same weight. I think it's safe to say then, that I know exactly how you feel! It seems like you have such a long way to go and like you'll never get there. But you will! You are doing the right thing, with your mini-goals. You have 21 lbs to go to your next goal. You know you can do that...you've already lost 32 lbs. Don't look at the big picture...it seems too far away. (But it really is closer than you think.) I'd be willing to bet the results are more noticible than you think too. Keep firmly in your mind that every lb is a victory. If you only average one lb a week, that's 52 lbs in a year! At only one lb a week, by September 11, 2008, you could be 246. And even if you don't average one lb a week, you have to remember, that every lb you do lose is one you could have gained instead if you hadn't stuck with it and plowed on through. You can do this! Hang tough!

Battle, I'm sorry you're feeling a bit low about things today. I understand completely how you feel about becoming morbidly obese and staying that way for so long, and about the sense of lost or squandered time that can come with that. It can breed a sense of urgency to get it all off and get on with life that just doesn't line up with the realities of weight loss after 40.

Your 32 pounds are a great accomplishment. They may not show much yet, and so what. Enjoy this stage of quiet and private victories, because it won't last. Go pick up 3 ten pound bags of potatoes at the grocery store and feel what you've done for your joints and bones and heart so far.

There is an opportunity cost for everything, including being slim your whole life. We have to start where we are, every day, with gratitude for the whole of the experience that makes us uniquely us.

Story -- just had to say I LOVE your avatar!

Dear ANNIE, Remember Long, Long ago and Far, Far away, when 460 was a block, a hump you couldn’t get past? O!M!G! You are closing in fast on 360, and a couple ol’ protein shakes sure aren’t going to stop you!!! Just think of the sunshine on your face and one of your dad’s good horses under you! ...for starters!

AMMI – C’mon girl! Those roller-rides are calling! Hey, Where's Sharon these days??

TOOFAT – We’re in a dead heat – my scale said same as yours this morning… but I had to cheat – before breakfast, no clothes. If I put on my nylons first it'd probably go up 3 pounds!

RAT – Consider the hay burners all kissed! Cool about getting in to that new shirt!!

PEGGY, I’m sorry. I know I had something to answer you, but danged if I can remember what or where it was! I DO know you’re right about the exercise, but even knowing that, it’s so hard to get started back at it, but if I don’t….

BATTLE – I second Lilion! I can tell you aren’t quitting, but I remember how discouraged I was sometimes that even when I’d lost 35-40 pounds, no one seemed to notice. But one day I walked in to the pizza shop that friends of mine own, where I hadn’t been in a long time. The look on that woman’s face made every pound I’d worked for totally worth it. She beamed at me when she commented on my loss. You will have that sort of thing happening soon, and even tho that isn’t really why we’re doing this, it feels GrrrrRATE! You just wait and see!!!

META, Yes, Gabe is a special horse. I’ve almost always had horses, but Gabe is a friesian, heavily built, solid black with feathering on the legs, luxurious mane & tail, and the most incredible people-friendly disposition I’ve every encountered! Think of a knight’s horse. I started wanting one when I first saw them almost twenty years ago in a movie called LadyHawk. Back then there were only a couple thousand in the country. They’ve become quite popular, but still not cheap for a purebred. I waited over 15 years to put enough pennies together to afford a good one cuz I’ve never liked the cheaper cross-breeds I’ve seen. I wanted the real thing, so I waited. Here’s my boy’s daddy:
http://www.checkerboardfarms.com/hor...tionship_id=7&
http://www.checkerboardfarms.com/hor...hp?horse_id=34
Gabe didn’t inherit all his sire’s hair, but he’s still wonderful, if I do say so myself. He hears my car or my voice and comes in from the pasture to see me. I’m always trying to convince him that he won’t fit in my pocket. But he’s extremely powerful and quick, and I’m just not the rider I was when I was younger and thinner. I believe the ground has gotten much harder over the years. He hasn’t got a mean hair on his hide, but he’s young and strong, and has spooked & bolted twice now, dropping riders on the ground – the second time breaking my friend’s arm. So for the first time, I’m sending a horse out to someone else to start under saddle for me. Once I got over that humbling decision, I began to get excited about having the dangerous part over so that I can get on with the fun! So here I finally am – with the horse of my dreams, but carrying around too much tonnage to be a good rider. But I can change that, can’t I? I’ll never be 16 again and riding like a banshee bareback at breakneck speed, but I CAN get this weight off and I CAN do him justice.

As for my shopping spree the other day, I came home with 7 blouses, 4 skirts, 3 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of shoes, a new purse, a bunch of socks, 3 shirt for DH, 3 Christmas gifts, 2 sets of necklaces & earrings and a big baking pan with a cover (I think that’s about it) for $214, which while it’s a bunch of $$$, I still think I made out like a little bandit. The blouse I chose today wouldn't have fit 10 pounds ago, and will fit even better with another 10 gone. It's perfect.

On the job hunt front, I had one agency call yesterday and another one today, and I think I’ll have an interview at a hospital on Thursday for a job I really want. Benifits at a hospital are almost always great, and the starting pay thru the agency is more than I’m making now. I am SO keeping my fingers crossed!

The day after my great weigh in the scale went up 4 pounds (stay away from chips and sausage sticks!) but it’s back down again. If I could just get on that blasted treadmill…

valorie you win my scales are wrong by a few pounds i regained a few pounds but i refuse to change my ticker up lol i intend to be that weight again real soon. congratulations

Hi all,

Haven't posted in a little while. Haven't really been hanging out in the internet at all. Been busy.

So tired of house projects. This weekend we sanded the basement (DH hung drywall last week). Then primed it. Then went ot move flagstone to the new patio...until I dropped a 100 lb piece on DH's fingers. His fingers are black, bruised and swollen, I am guessing we won't be working on flagstone for a while.

As I complained about some previously, I was on prednisone and antibiotics for some time due to sinus infection. Well, you ladies know what extended antibiotics can do...right? TMI coming....My heyhey has been angry lately. Dealing with that situation, good time for all.

Lay-offs are still impending at work, and an old "friend" came to visit last night. The old friend is named "panic attack". Do any of you deal with these? Mine occur 99% of the time while in bed...I start to focus on my heartrate, which then starts to pound, and causes downright fear. So, I slept maybe 2 hours, went to work for a few hours and told me boss I was sit and needed to leave because I just wasn't doing well.

I am really trying to do well with eating (BAD this weekend and so far this week), and have been bad about exercise the last few days too. I need to step up my life before it's over, I know this, but just so much going on.

OK, that's it for me now. You are all fabulous and I will try to use you to emulate how I should be.

Take care and be well,
Angie

I just feel miserable right now. I'm cold. I can't seem to get warm. I'm nervous and have a very short attention span. I've been eating off plan for a couple of days partly out of nervousness, and partly out of irresistible cravings. I have so much to do in the next 10 days, and can't seem to get started. I feel overwhelmed and stuck. I feel like I'm on the verge of a major panic attack. If I'm not better tomorrow, I'm going to the doctor.

Catherine, I hope that soon you can settle yourself down and feel better. Maybe things are just too overwhelming for you now, but if you just start with one small task, I know you can accomplish everything you need to get done. Maybe take a nice relaxing bath, maybe read a book, or just go out and enjoy a movie. I'll be thinking of you.

Real, hopefully you will find out soon if you will have a job. There's nothing more stressful than waiting to see if you're going to have a job or not. You're in my thoughts. Sorry to hear about hubby's poor fingers. That must be soooo painful. How many more projects are you going to try and get done? Sounds like you've done an amazing job so far. Can't wait to see pics.

NoLife, Gabe is just beautiful!! No wonder you can't wait to ride him! He sounds like an extremely smart guy too. Good luck on the job hunt. I hope you get the one you want. And your shopping spree sounds like so much fun and you DID get alot of goodies.

Story, I'm sure that soon the scale will be moving downward again. Don't give up. Look at all you've been thru. O there is nothing harder than walking on that sand. It seems like you take one step forward, and then you slid back two. Great exercise though!!

Battle, Yes! You CAN pull yourself out of that downward spiral. We've all been there. Just get that strength and determination back. I know you can do this!!
Sometimes I feel the way you do and I will just sit here and cry and cry, and then I think, what the heck am I doing? Look how far I've come. It took me 53 years to get this fat, I can spare a couple of years to get it off and be happier and healthier. You're worth it....just remember that!!

Donna, your house turned out really nice. Good job! Jack is just adorable. I'm really glad you took him in.

Torister, Good for you on taking a hike!!

As for me, I'm staying OP really well so far. I notice though when it gets closer to the weekend, that's when it's hardest for me. For some reason my hubby has not been too suportive. He wants to bring home chips that I like, and I keep telling him not to. I don't think he realizes how serious I'm taking losing weight because I haven't been like this since I've been with him. (9 yrs)
He keeps saying how he wants something sweet, and it gets me thinking, yeah...that sounds good. I know I won't though, I'm really strong mentally right now about my weight loss. I just hope during my weak moments, I don't give in. Exercise wise...didn't do anything today. You would think watching TBL would of motivated me, but nope. Not today.
Debbie

Debbie – It sounds like you need to have a talk with your DH. He might not realize that he is being so unsupportive. From other threads on the subject, sometimes guys feel lost on how to do nice things for their spouses when the easy option of buying something she likes to eat is taken away. “But I always get you this treat and you always loved it – what has changed?” People fear change, especially when they don’t know what else to do. Perhaps drop some hints on other nice things he could get for you?

Catherine - I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Has the weather changed dramatically? Those winter preparation instincts can really throw me for a loop.

Angie – Sorry to hear things are so stressful right now. I know many people with bad panic attacks get lots of help through their doctor and medication. It can really make all the difference in really tough times.

Patti – You show that scale who’s boss!!

Valerie – You can absolutely do Gabe justice! I can’t wait to see a picture of you riding him. That was quite a shopping spree! I hope you get the job you want, both for the benefits and to pay for the clothes! Let us know how the interview goes!

Story – Those days when you feel like you can eat all day are so strange. With the weight loss issues and the hair it definitely sounds like time for a trip to the doctor to get that checked.

Battle – Some days I feel like I have come so far, and others I just can’t believe how far I have left to go. It really peaks and ebbs. The important thing is the overall direction. Honestly, even as urgent as it can feel sometimes the important thing isn’t how fast you get there, but moving ever closer to your destination. You are doing fabulously well.

Peggy – Way to go getting back on plan and getting out for a great hike!

Meta – Am I losing track of time or weren’t you just at your halfway point not that long ago? You are smoking!

Donna – What a cute baby! Your house looks lovely – you did a great job!

Ammi – That is scary about the wasp! I am glad you didn’t get stung. But what a great way to get yourself pumped up! You are definitely going to be riding in style when you get to that park!

Ratkity – I also sleep with my mouth open from not being able to breathe through my nose much as a kid (permanent allergies). I am glad you were able to take a day off to get caught up on sleep.

Heather – It must be exciting starting another school year. It’s great to hear that your first class went great.

Lindsey – I actually love fall – it is so gorgeous and it holds so many good feelings from my childhood. Study groups are great for tough subjects. The only thing that got me through calculus was Bit-O-Honey candy (I don't recommend this, but it kept my chewing the whole class to keep me awake) and my TI-83 calculator! (Heather and other teachers don’t read this – I figured out how to write the formulas into the calculator so that I could look them up during the exams. As long as I had the formulas I could figure out the problems, but remembering the formulas was the hard part for me and the TI-83 was a godsend.)

Annie – How long do you have to stay on the protein shakes? Sorry to hear they are icky. The kind I drink aren’t too bad, but then again I only supplement with them, I don’t drink them for every meal.

I watched TBL tonight for the first time. When I lived with Andrew he hated those kinds of shows and gave me **** for watching them. In a way he is right – it is very unhealthy, but it is also inspiring. The thing that weirded me out was watching how hard they are being pushed physically and thinking it looked kinda fun and that I would love to try and see where my limits were. Ummm. . . . huh? Did that thought really just come out of my brain? Maybe I will have to ask my trainer for a real hardcore session some time soon. It might be really fun. Ummm. . . did I just say fun? Wow – I am thinking I need my head examined. As unrealistic as that show is, boy is it inspiring. It has inspired me to get to bed early tonight so that I can go to the gym in the morning so that I don’t miss cardio over doing yoga in the evening! Goodnight all!

Oh, my, ANGIE - I hope your DH's fingers are going to be OK soon! OUCH!

CATHERINE, Sounds like your under a lot of stress lately. I hope you feel better and more settled soon, and are able to enjoy the accomplishment ahead of you. I have faith in you.

DEBBIE - those links weren't to my Gabe. Those pics are of his DADDY, Wander. Isn't he somethin? I wish Gabe had gotten all that HAIR! But he's pretty anyway, and TOTALLY sweet.

Thanks, NANCY! TBL is absolutely inspiring! I hate it when people tell me my own dieting is unhealthy, not that I go anywhere near as far as the BL contestants go. I always say "sure, for two weeks I go a little extreme. I'm sure it's much healthier to stay just the way I am. And where were you when I was going to McD's or overdoing on birthday cake? Why weren't you complaining that THAT was unhealthy?" I don't get the whole deal where when you DO try to decline something, people keep telling you, "Oh, it's ok to have this-or-that. Just one won't hurt you./It's a celebration./Fill in some other excuse people try to make ya eat." But you try to cut out refined carbs and suddenly somebody wants to lecture you on how your body NEEDS carbs. What's up with that? *** But I digress - Isn't it cool to be able to actually watch what you want to on TV. I remember those days... then I got a dachsie doodle dog, and now he insists that regardless of what's on TV, I have to look at HIM.

My whistle is broken tonight. The puppy is romping outside, and I can't pucker properly to call him back. Silly puppy.

Good night all you winners!