This dawned on me last night, and it really changed the way I saw myself and my weight.
At the moment, I am 254 lbs. I started chose to lose weight when I was almost at 300 (a few pounds shy). So, when I had gone down a pound from 255, I was so happy and excited because I had stayed there for the past week and half without movement. I looked at myself, and though still obese, I looked so much better than I had a few months ago. I was feeling good about how I looked.
Anyhow ... I remembered when I was gaining weight and I hit that same weight (255) and at that time my thoughts were how horrible I looked, how fat I was, how I was betraying myself ......
So why the difference? Why, with the same amount of fat, did I think I looked horrible one time and great another? I remember being 145 lbs, and thinking how fat I was then and hating my body. Now, that is my goal weight!
How things change .... and I realized how much we really need to start loving our bodies the way they are in this moment.
I feel the same way about clothes. I remember when I almost cried when I had to buy a pair of size 20 shorts. Well I gained enough weight that they didn't even fit anymore. Now I'm back into them and I'm so pleased; I think they look great on me. They've gone from being my fat shorts to being my heading in the right direction shorts.
Although our butts may be big, I think our really screwed up part is our brains.
I have never been slim, but I understand what you mean. When things are going up, you see things in a negative light...and opposite the other way around. When I break the 300 mark, I will probably throw a freaking party! I will still be huge, but to me, it will feel so much better than the 40lbs heavier I was! My goal right now is set to 250, because to me, that is going to be a HUGE change. I am going to have so much more confidence and energy! My body is going to look and feel so different to me. I might actually like what I see for once! But once I start moving down from that goal, and set new ones, every small hurdle is going to feel so good to me. Where as others are going to look and thing "wow, she's excited to be 240lbs?" It's all in the eye of the beholder.
I agree on liking our body now.. When I had went on my first diet in the past and have plenty of self esteem issues. Which now still do, but not as much like I was in my teens.
Now that I have a wonderful man in my life who sees me beautiful..Each day I practice self love on looking in the mirror and saying positive things about my shape now and what it will be like when I seek my goal of 140. Change is scary.. I might as well practice and have a smile on me, knowing that I am changing for the better. I have been doing this self love project for awhile and it seems to be helping me so far!
It's soooo true -- things look different on the way down than they did on the way up!! I remember noticing that when I was losing.
I think it's one of the reasons I've been satisfied to be 170+ pounds since November. To many people that is an unacceptable weight -- still overweight and not far from obese.
But when you've weighed nearly 300 pounds it is tiny! I'm smaller than I've been since college (when big hair was all the rage) and am thrilled!
It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it? At 346 lbs, I just wanted to see 299. Much less was just too much to deal with. At 299 lbs, I just wanted to see 249. I spent the last year wanting to see 199. I'm not unhappy to be where I am right now. I'd like to be a few sizes smaller, but 2 years ago, I would have been estatic to be in size 12/14. When I see people post with starting weights less than my goal weight, and they are so miserable because they are so "fat", I just remind myself that it's all a matter of perspective.
As far as what part of my body I liked at any size...I guess my waist. I've always had an hourglass figure with a defined waist. At my highest weight, I didn't really feel much of a connection or affection for any part of my body.
You're so right where you've been and where you're heading make a huge difference in how you feel.
when I was 130 I felt chubby at 150 I felt obese. My current goal is just to reach 275. Still morbidly obese, but I will feel proud if I get there and set a new goal.
I like my eyes. They're green and have always been my best feature.
I often wonder whether when I was younger and thought I was “OMG SO HUGE” (at around 175 pounds) whether that thinking added to my weight gain over the years. That feeling of hugeness didn’t really change as I got larger – I always felt really big no matter what. From my recollection, even as the weight went up the feeling about it didn’t’ change much. When I think about it, that is really weird to me. I think that I should have felt worse about my size as I got bigger, but I didn’t. It was the same exact feeling.
Also, I look back now on the lower weight and think how much I would want to be that way now when at the time I was so upset by it. It really is a matter of perspective. I think a big part of it is that it is often very difficult for us to remember how we really felt about something at the moment. I think this is because it is so difficult to stop what we are feeling at the moment to make space to re-experience the old feeling.
I do think it is really important to try and love ourselves and our bodies no matter what size we are.
Heather – I love my eyes too! They are normally hazel but turn blue when I wear blue. I wear blue a lot!
Robin41: A few weeks ago I stood in the Walmart change room actually praying to fit into size 22. I held my breath. Two pairs of the 22's fit nicely, the third I barely got the zipper up on but I bought them anyway! Hey, if I can bend and not rip em, they are coming home with me ROFL. 20 is my next goal, OMG, I cannot wait. My motives are also from being frugal, I want to be able to take advantage of sales by getting into the more common sizes ...
WinterStarz: Haha. I know what you mean. I was soooooo excited to just get under 255. I feel skinny. Seriously. I know I am not, but it's so true that you realize how heavy and tiring the excess weight is. So losing 30 lbs is like losing 3 bags of potatoes! That's major. Then 50, 60, etc.
Lillian: It's really great when someone sees how beautiful we are. I never had that, not when I was thin--not at all, until I was almost 300lbs. And he made me feel like the hottest woman alive
Wyllen: I would kill to be at 175! LOL. You look great. Actually, 175 is one of my goals.
Balloon Lady and JTammmy: I know exactly what you mean. I just want to reach through the computer sometimes to the people who are 10 or 20 or even 30 lbs overweight and convince them that while they should strive to be healthy, they are by no means *huge*, to care for themselves, and try to see themselves in a more positive light.
NotTheCheat: I think you hit the nail on the head! That feeling of being huge, of constantly telling ourselves we are fat as if it is a bad thing ... a reflection of who we are and our worth rather than as mere objective fact ... I believe definitely makes us feel *What's the use?* and so we give into the concept that we are eternal "fatties".
Luja .... what do I like about my body at any size? For me, I cannot really say that I like my outer appearance that much, it's a struggle for me to accept myself (not just about the weight, but in other physical attributes) ... but I do llike that my body seems to be able to take all of the abuse I give it and give back 300% better. I like that it is healthy despite the weight, that it is freakishly committed to overcoming sickness and such. I really really love it for that. Very resilient .
It IS all about perspective! I felt like I was "fat" at my LOWEST weight ever (145) and now I am TWICE that size!
250 sounds GREAT from where I am at and 200, then *gasp* 175...it's not too far away! Hey, time will pass either way, regardless of if I am shedding excess fat or not, so I may as well burn through this excess!
It is all perspective isn't it. I suppose it's a good thing - to feel great and feel happier about ourselves on the way down or it would be much harder to work at it!
Notthecheat - I totally agree with you. I think it makes weight loss a bit easier if we learn to accept and love ourselves no matter what.
I think my best features have always been my ankles, feet and wrists.
Nancy, I think you're so right....negative body image makes it easier to keep gaining.
Wish I could say I like my body as is. But I'd be lying. I'm mirror-phobic and photography-phobic. I can tolerate my hands People say I have nice eyes.
Liking Our Bodies
