HI, ive posted a little here and there.. but i think this will be my main home. I dont really know my weight...( i wont weigh myself. .too ashamed) probably about 310. last time i weighed i was 295 and ive gained since than..soo... anyways. i was wondering if it was totally unrealistic for me to lost 40 pounds by June first. with minimal exercise.. im going to commit to a 30 minute walk 4 times a week...(ive got a baby,, and she is demanding) but what about food. ( isnt THAT the eternal question...) if i count calories. how many? how did some of you gals and guys that have lost over 100lbs do it? (am i posting this in the right place?) i dont know.. im lost. other than to be healthy, and fell good about me again.. (and this may be totally stupid, but its important to me) im going to alaska to visit family with my baby in june and i want to be able to fit in the airplane seat. ( oh my gosh, ive never actually admitted that to myself or anyone. ) I cant fit into an airplane seat comfortably. wow. Ok back to the subject. Where can i start. i started tonight by not eating after 8. ( i over ate at dinner..... ugh. thats another post...) but im starting again tommorow. new and refreshed... and since i have support here.. i know i can do it this time. i love all of your posts. they are all so wonderful and supportive. it brings me to tears.. truely.
Ok. i would appreciate the input.. i want to try really hard. and i know i 'll make it, so your advice wont be in vain. . please helP!! thank you in advance.. and i will check back every day.. (some time 3-4 times!!) HAHHA im hopelessly addicted to your site. .. hee hee
I always thought finding the right diet is the most difficult part. Many here will tell you that eating healthy, enough calories a day and excercise is the way to go. I agree, it is the healtiest way. Unfortunally I dont stick to that. I know I should but it never worked for me, so usally I take a drastic diet of very low calories, and I loose pounds extremly fast (which now is the first time I didnt get them back on again...I guess I was listening to these ladies a bit heheh) but its neither healthy and usually doesnt last and is very likely to end soon as you're get very hungry...so motivation needs to be really high to stick with it. I think you should read the stories of the ladies that have lost a lot, they will help you..and then..you know yourself and your body best so I hope you will find something that will work for you and motivation is a great part of it all!!!!!!!!!!! And you'll do it!
"Goal by dates," have probably been one of the biggest factors in my difficulties with weight loss. The more I've used them the harder it has been to succeed.
Have you ever had a night when you had insomnia, and started watching the clock "If I fall asleep right now, I'll get 6 hours of sleep," and you look again and "If I fall asleep right now, Ill get 5.5 hours of sleep," and watching the clock actually starts to keep you awake doing the math "3 hours and 35 minutes,".....
Maybe this is like the old saying that you shouldn't "count your chickens before they hatch..." but I've found it very damaging to play those little "lose x number of lbs by... date," games. I'm not saying that it isn't very tempting, and sometimes even impossible to play them, even now, with myself. I do try to avoid it however, because at least for me, it works against me rather than for me.
Even if I somehow made the "deadline," reaching "the goal," became such a focus, then when it was "over" I was so exhaused from the concentration I needed a break so badly, that I took a diet "vacation" after the goal and gained it all back (My friends wedding was a perfect example, I lost 60 lbs in college to fit into the bridesmaid dress - of course ate like a cow at the reception..... Yeah enough said).
When I have a "lose by" goal in mind, and my weight loss slows down, I get all panicky that "I'm not going to make it," and get all nasty with myself "studpid, rotten, me" and start thinking about (and maybe even resorting to) very stupid ways to lose the weight. ---- The scale becomes my god, and I stop thinking about long term habits, and start obsessing over short term ones that will get me immediate results. I start to weight myself obsessively, and feel really lousy about myself.
Because of all of the extra pressure I'm putting on myself, it becomes very difficult not to eat out of stress. If I'm not where I want to be, and finally have to admit that there isn't anyway to meet the goal, I revise my goal down (ok, If I can't lose 50 lbs, by May.... I'll be "ok" if I lose 40), but feel awful about it (and start the whole process over).
If I do somehow make it to my goal (or something close to it), without self-destructiong, I can't just pat myself on the back - I just make another evil "pact with myself" and create another "lose by" goal (and of course, it's rarely more reasonable than the first goal - if I can climb a molehill in a month, I can climb a mountain in two).
Weight loss slows down over time, and "lose by's" make that fact even more frustrating.
I think the worst thing about "goal bys" is that we can control what we eat, and how we exercise, but the weight doesn't always come off accordingly. It might come off the week we were eating horribly, and it might stay put the week we were "perfect." Using the weight as the expected reward can be very frustrating, and it can reinforce habits like crash dieting that won't help maintain loss.
Behavior change that sticks is really difficult no matter what the behavior (I worked as a probation officer for many years, and some of my clients attempts to "go straight," were so much like my weight loss battles, I couldn't help but sympathize more than I ever thought I could. A residential burgler or someone with a suspended license who says "just one more time, and I'll quit for good", or someone who gets caught a second time for whatever "I messed up, I'm just a bad person, I might as well not even try....")
What does stick, is starting with a very small goal that is easily doable, and when you have success, you savor it, pat yourself on the back, and make another goal that's a little bit harder. And making sure that your goal is directly under your control, and is a direct (not indirect) consequence of your behavior.
I know I tend to rant on this subject, but I know it has tripped me up nearly every time. It often starts out innocently with an event I want to prepare for, and just snowballs into an obsession that becomes worse than the weight itself, until all my efforts implode and I have to escape the "diet mentality," which too often has meant escaping the healthy behaviors as well as the unhealthy ones. This time I'm trying to START with the healthy behaviors and try not to be tempted towards "the dark side."
Dang.. I realize that's the same loop that I get stuck in too. I've been trying really really hard not to obsess though and know that I don't have to be perfect. I'm not worried about a certain weight by a certain time.. As long as it's going in a downward direction I'm all sorts of happy!
Coincidentally, I got stuck in the insomnia loop last night. My family is visiting from Illinois. I've been sick with a nasty respiratory infection for a few weeks now, and the doctor prescribed prednisone to help clear it up. It's helped a lot with the lungs, but has thrown my sleep all out of whack. We were supposed to meet everyone for breakfast at 9:00 am, and although I was "in bed," by 11:00 pm last night, I didn't fall asleep until after 7:00 am this morning. I woke up at 8:30 with a killer headache, called my Mom and asked if they'd mind going without us and we'd catch up with them a little later. Yikes!
I've been doing pretty well against the scale though! I'm fighting my own little weight "goal by," in that we'll be visiting my family in June or July, and with them up now, I REALLY want to be able to surprise them when we visit. SO FAR, I'm holding my ground and not allowing myself to think of a number (but it's sort of like that game, where you challenge someone to try not to think of something - Whatever you do, don't think of a polar bear - how can you not?)
But, I figure if I can keep a number off the table, so to speak, and just concentrate on my food plan, and trying to get in more exercise, I will have lost weight (don't worry about the number, don't worry... chant with me now), and will feel and look better, even if I'm still wearing the same size. At my size, it takes a HUGE loss to go down a clothing size, both a blessing (when you're on a budget) and a curse (I want to go shopping!). One thing I am doing to keep my mind of the evil numbers, is thinking about all of the other great things I'm going to do to pamper, and "transform," myself for the visit. I'm going to get a mini-makeover no matter how much I lose. So I'll buy a new outfit (even if it is the same size I wear now, but maybe a cute outfit like a tunic and drawstring skirt - that will last through a few size changes), get a new hair cut, perm, and color (I'm thinking dramatic red/auburn tones with chunky highlights), and maybe even (if I can save enough money - oops sometimes another "goal by " loop) acrylic nails.
I think one of my biggest downfalls has been postponing "rewards," for myself. My goals are set so high, that I never get to the reward part. I've even made myself a stupid little "sticker chart," for each pound, and when I lose a pound, I add a sticker to the chart. There are 20 lbs on every page, and when I finish each page, I choose a "prize," and write the date and the reward on the bottom of the page. When I was having a really bad time, and had backslid a bit, I made the sticker chart with behavior goals (one for my water, one for my exercise, one for my 5+ veggies....
Seeing all those little stickers has been more rewarding now, than I ever got out of a gold star in kindergarten. One pound seems like a ridiculously small accomplishment, when I have over 200 to go, but when I see all those little stickers lined up, it reminds me that each step, no matter how small, matters.
I'm really convinced that this is the "secret" that has escaped me my entire life of weight loss efforts. Thinking that all my work wasn't paying off "enough," would lead me to quit because the "payoff," seemed so far out of reach.
Peraxies -- Colleen's post about setting dates is an excellent one! Take it to heart!
It may be possible for you to lose X pounds by Y date, but I so agree that the focus should be on the things you CAN control (your behaviors) and not the things you CAN'T (stupid scale).
So, that being said, you've started! And you've started by doing one thing. I started slowly and build from there.
When I started off in July of 2005 I weighed 295 and was a size 28/30. I started by taking a lunch and snacks to work everyday and watching portion sizes. I wasn't lackadasical about it. I was pretty committed. That first month I lost 12 pounds. Then I started calorie counting. By that point I was feeling like I did have some willpower. I picked a calorie target of 2000 calories/day. People who weigh a lot need more calories for everything they do, from brushing their teeth to driving their car to exercising. I kind of guessed at that number, but I found a site online where I could track my food and tried to stick to that number as closely as possible. As time went on, I tweaked the system. I started focusing more on nutrition -- where my calories were coming from.
My advice, please do not make the mistake of thinking you need to eat very very little. It's generally not true for people who weigh over 300 pounds. There are people on liquid diets, but they are supervised plans!
As for exercise, I started by just "moving more." THat meant if I was downstairs and hubby was upstairs, I would walk up the stairs to ask a question rather than yelling it up. I parked further away, etc. A couple months into my plan I started exercising more. At the time it was just 15-20 min on the treadmill a few times a week. And then I built on that.
So, I guess what many of us are saying is don't try to time-box your goals. It can have a negative boomerang effect if you don't succeed!
Make a COMMITMENT to the process, but if you're overwhelmed, don't do it all at once.
Don't be overwhelmed -- come and talk to us a lot!
you know.. i belive you are all right. i really am over whelmed, and to make that kinda of a goal in the beginning would be self destructive. because i do exactly that... i can be very self destructive at times. so, in this new begining.. i think i will try to control portions, and move more. period. for 28 days at the lease. (it takes 28 days to break a habit so i figured it will almost be second nature after that) i will take 4, 20-30 minute walks a day... the baby and i so need to get out more.. plus its spring and getting sunnier and sunnier. ..
about the calorie intake.. Im also a nursing mother, so i might need to jump to your mothers forum and as a few questions over there... i know it uses 800 cals a day just to nurse a baby... but i'll ask your other groups about that. thank you for all your responses. im truely blessed to have found support in the manner that i have. its like being thrown a life line. and i cant thank you enough...
Also, for those of you out with Significant others.... my boyfriend likes to eat all those 'comfort' food types. and i do all the cooking.. blah. so.. any tips on how i can get around that..? or is it just plain will power?? anytime i try to 'diet' he tells me hes not on a diet.. im fine how i am.. and he wants good food.. LOL so.. i end up making it for him.. and than i end up eating some because it looks ans mells so darn goood... well.. there's my cycle. when i lived alone it was so easy to just not buy the crap and it was fine... anyways.. thats my hardest part right now.. thanks again.. i really appreciate your help..
Colleen really explained a lot in details to you. All I would say is that I'm in a similar situation I would love for the weight to come off faster than it is, but right now, I'm just happy that the scale is going down. You could look at it this way, that once you find your place, calorie count, the diet that works for you, you'll be losing and whatever amount you reach by that date, you'll be happy that you did it.
Yes, if you are nursing that DOES change the equation!!! Please do ask about that!
And I hope you meant 4 20-30 min walks a WEEK, not a DAY!!!
As for the SO.... well, you have to figure out what works best for the 2 of you. Some people will tell you they make only 1 meal -- a healthy one -- and that if he wants something else, to make it himself. That has pros and cons.
OR, you could find ways to make HIS comfort meals healthier! There are lots of places here where people talk about food a lot (we 300+ ones do too). But you could ask for ideas about how to modify recipes!
When I first changed my eating my husband wasn't really very supportive. He also needed to lose weight and felt threatened. Over time he changed and we work together now..
My husband also needs to lose as much as I do, but you can't change anyone but yourself (and even that is darned difficult). My husband is an absolutely wonderful cook, but I do most of the meal preparation, mostly by default. When I first started eating differently (and he didn't want to follow suit,) I did start changing the "comfort foods," he loved in ways he didn't even notice. Like I would make instant or homemade mashed potatoes with chicken broth and a little milk instead of milk and butter. I bought rance dressing powder and "sour cream and onion" powder from a bulk spice store and would stir in a little bit of one of these, or a little flavored light cream into the mashed potatoes with some artificial bacon bits. The "twice baked" potatoes became one of his favorites, and he was eating it and loving it for months before he found out it was one of my "light" recipes.
I quickly learned that if I told him it was "light," he would find something wrong with it, or wouldn't even try it, but if I didn't say anything he'd give it a chance. Once he caught on, he would sometimes look at a new dish suspiciously and ask "is this diet food?" and I'd say "no, it's pretty healthy, but you shouldn't overdo it!" (Hey, it's true of almost anything, right?"
He'd look over at my plate to see what I put on my plate, and eat about 1.5 to 2 times whatever I was eating (except the vegetables, if he ate half of what I ate, he was lucky).
This worked great when we were first married, and he started to lose weight without even realizing it, but since he was forced to go on disability after an injury last February, he has put on over 45 lbs. His job was very strenuous, and he was snacking more at home.
I've finally gotten him to actively work on weight loss with me, but it is a challenge preparing meals, because he is much pickier than I am.
haha!! of course i mean a week.. not a day.. LOL yeesh. that would be overdoing it. (i guess i wasnt paying attention to what i was typing. )
However, my BF isnt over weight.. hes 6ft 170lbs.... *sigh* eats whatever he wants and doesnt gain an ounce, -- but thats a good idea, just make somethings healthier, and the ones i cant make healthier.. i'll just make a separate something or a salad and eat lots of that. thank you for all of your support. getting started is very hard.. ive made the decision to do it.. and i'll stick to my guns. -- although i havent been doing well the past couple of days.... but ya'll dont wanna hear about that. SO!
thanks again.. and i'll head on over to your mothers forum for some more advice.. and start seeing what i can change. THANK YOU!
oops, I meant ranch dressing powder, and light cream cheese.
And Lana, if you need or want to talk about bad days, we're here for that too.
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I think whenever one person prepares the meals for a household (even if it's a household of only 2) and wants or needs to eat differently that the rest or other, there's always the dilemma of how to accomodate everyone without feeling like you're running a restaurant, or feeling deprived that you don't get to eat what others do.
Feeling deprived does make a difficult project, that much more difficult. When I was a kid, my mom and I were the overweight ones in the family. When she dieted, I usually had to also, but since she didn't want to "deprive" the thin members of our family (Dad and brother, and later when they came along two younger sisters), she would make seperate meals for she and I, or there would be part of the meal I wasn't allowed to eat (I assume she didn't eat those either, but I only remembered what "I" wasn't allowed to eat). There would also be snacks that they were allowed, and I wasn't, it was so traumatic to an already food-obsessed kid.
It seemed when we were dieting, she was even MORE likely to make them all of their (and of course my) favorites that we couldn't have. I'm not sure if it was guilt, or living vicariously through "food porn," but if it was fattening, she would make it while we were dieting. We never seemed to have a dessert after meals unless it was someone's birthday or we were dieting (then they'd get cake and mom and I would get sugar free jello).
We all have issues... do we not? except mine was the exact opposite of yours.. my father would give me HUGE portions and make me eat it ALL.. than measure my waist and tell me how huge i was getting... geez. some times i want to go back and hug and kiss the little girl that was me and remind myself that it will be Ok. -- maybe thats what we all should do Kaplods! *huggles*
and unfortunatly a person can make themselves crazy in a situation, with all this food around, and not being able to eat it. i think that is my BIGGEST obstical. that and over eating. but even that i think i can get around. -- i will be OK. i have to remind myself that. heheheh
And yeah, i suppose this is a place i can say about my hardships. but i just feel that at somepoint i need to grab myself by my bootstraps and just keep going. . if i were to wallow. . id be focusing and putting my energy toward the negative. and im ready for change.. i want to put my energy towards the positive. i am going to do.. what i will do... what i can do. suffice to say i will have those days when i will need you all, for a shoulder to cry on so to speak hehe-- anyways. thanks for all the advice, and whatnot. i appreciate it... more than you know!!
--LA
unrealistic?
I dont really know my weight...( i wont weigh myself. .too ashamed) probably about 310. last time i weighed i was 295 and ive gained since than..soo... anyways. i was wondering if it was totally unrealistic for me to lost 40 pounds by June first. with minimal exercise.. im going to commit to a 30 minute walk 4 times a week...(ive got a baby,, and she is demanding) but what about food. ( isnt THAT the eternal question...) if i count calories. how many? how did some of you gals and guys that have lost over 100lbs do it? (am i posting this in the right place?) i dont know.. im lost. other than to be healthy, and fell good about me again.. (and this may be totally stupid, but its important to me) im going to alaska to visit family with my baby in june and i want to be able to fit in the airplane seat. ( oh my gosh, ive never actually admitted that to myself or anyone. ) I cant fit into an airplane seat comfortably. wow. Ok back to the subject. Where can i start. i started tonight by not eating after 8. ( i over ate at dinner..... ugh. thats another post...) but im starting again tommorow. new and refreshed... and since i have support here.. i know i can do it this time. i love all of your posts. they are all so wonderful and supportive. it brings me to tears.. truely.
I've been trying really really hard not to obsess though and know that I don't have to be perfect. I'm not worried about a certain weight by a certain time.. As long as it's going in a downward direction I'm all sorts of happy! 
