This thread is really helpful. I hate to say that I have some additions:

~~I hate how people like my husband blame my weight on the pregnancy complications that nearly killed me and brought my son 2 months early. Yes, my weight contributed to my problem. But I already feel guilty enough without people pointing it out.

~~I can't help but wonder if people look at my very skinny child and wonder if I'm eating all his food.

~~I am so afraid that I'll never be able to loose this weight.

~~I sometimes think that part of the reason my best friend is so close to me is becuase I make her feel better about herself.

~~I am afraid of how my body will look if I lose weight. There's no way I would ever subject myself to surgical enhancement, so does that mean that I'll look loose and baggy for the rest of my life?

~~I eat healthy when others are watching, but I also secretly eat really bad stuff. I am trying to fix this.

~~I hear about so many couples who get divorced after one person experiences weight loss and I am worried that this might happen to me.

~~I have a small body frame and my reproductive specialist would like to see me close to being UNDERWEIGHT (like 104) if I want to get pregnant again. I weigh 284 and lowest I've ever been at my adult height is 140 (at age 16). There is no way I will ever be 104. Does this mean that I won't be able to have another child? It's an awful thought.

~~Because of my life-threatening and traumatic experiences with being pregnant and obese, I secretly think plus-sized pregnant women are irresponsible and delusional and are endangering themselves and their babies. I really hate feeling like that and would someday like to change my attitude so I can be a source of support and inspiration for plus-sized pregnant women. :(

I confess I am all smiles inside when I am at the gym and I lift more with the leg press than many of the men I see there, and 3x the weight the thin women.

I confess that I am terrified of male attention if I lose weight, but depressed at the possibility of staying at this unhealthy weight.

I confess that I find it friggin' hilarious :lol: when I lift heavier weights than the guys in group PT...and when they whine that I'm too hard on them...:drill:...(I lead group PT about once a month for my unit.)

Me too on both counts! I look at pictures and I can't even continue looking. I had never gained this much weight before.

I also detest when people can't focus on anything but what they can't have and can't do in a social setting and I don't want to be one of them. I want to be able to be healthy and make healthy choices and still enjoy life.

I confess that i did wonderfully the first 3 months on this diet journey but, I swear right now, this week, a chocolate chip muffin could put me over the edge. Why is cakey food such a draw? Why can't I feel like that about broccoli?

I don't wish harm on skinny girls, I just wish I was one of them. I wish my thighs didn't ALWAYS HAVE TO TOUCH!

I also confess that I have been stuck at the same weight for a month and a half and haven't been very motivated to change it. What if I get there and it all comes back? I would lose it(mentally).

I confess that I'm having a really difficult time right now. I told DH that I would do *whatever* it took to take the weight off, even to the point of going down to 800 calories a day and puking everything up after every meal.

Mollz: Hang in there :hug:! I confess, I have in the past been down the 800 cals a day/puking up stuff route (back in college)...it's NOT the way to go. It makes you feel horrid...and guilty...all the time. Look at what you've accomplished...your half-way to your goal, doing things the RIGHT way. Stay the course...you WILL get there!

I confess that I've been eating like a madwoman for two weeks while I've been out of town visiting family, and I dread getting on the scale and seeing that I've gained that 15 pounds back. I ran 3 miles the other day but other than that I've had no exercise at all and I really have eaten everything in sight! I'll be here for another week, and I just can't seem to get it together. Pray for me!

Fessing Up!
 

I confess that I have been inconsistent for the past month. Where has it gotten me? A 5lb weight gain. It was worth it because it showed me where my my limits were.

I confess that I am afraid to be slim again. I don't want alot of attention. And I don't want to feel like everyone is watching and waiting for me to gain it back.

I confess that I wore a dress for the first time ever in my marriage and I loved it. We've been married nearly 10 years. My husband thought that I looked beautiful and for the 1st time in my life I truly felt it. Extra weight and all.

I confess that I LOVE getting sweaty! I love it when I get home from a long run/walk and my clothes are sopping wet. It means that I've earned my shower. :D

I confess that I really, truly and honestly do NOT want to be what most people consider "thin and healthy". I don't necessarily agree that extra weight (within reason, obviously) is a health concern. My ticker is set to 170, but I would love to weigh 160-165. Even that leaves me in the "fat" category for most people. I believe women should be soft and have curves. Continuing this confession- it really urks me when people insinuate (with their words, eyes or the way they look at me) that I only feel this way because "thin" seems like such an unattainable goal. I also confess that I'm scared I won't be welcome in the maintainers area if I'm still maintaining "fat". :(

I confess that some days I don't eat as much as I should. I don't feel badly about it, but I know that it's not a good idea, long term.

I confess the last few days with my scale being broken have been ridiculously difficult for me. I like to weigh myself several times a day and it's frustrating not to be able to see the number slowly creeping down. I'm so close to the 230's, too!

I confess that I am afraid that once I reach my goal I will be ashamed of my overweight daughter (who refuses to do physical activity or count calories) like my parents were of me when I was younger. (They never came out and said it...but I could see it in their face)

I am afraid to relax even a little on my diet because the last time I "took a break for the holidays" I stayed on break and gained not only the 40 lbs I had lost, but 20 more too.

I sometimes feel out of place at the gym when I try to run on the treadmill because I think people are watching and judging me, so sometimes I will only walk.

sometimes I get very frustrated because I am not losing the wt like they do on the Biggest Loser and then I have to talk myself off the ledge by reminding myself that is all they have to do all day is workout with trainers - not live real life and most of them will gain it all back.

I confess that I am disgusted by the way I used to eat and am SO happy to be eating healthy now. I feel SO much better and my body thanks me for it. :)

I confess that I can't wait to meet my goal...I laughed and told my mom the other day that I'm gonna dress SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slutty when I'm skinny!!! LOL Okay, maybe not really...but I can't wait for the cute clothes.

I confess that I skipped the gym yesterday and didn't go in the morning to make it up like I had planned b/c I had a headache...but I *will* make it up this weekend.

I confess that I sometimes wonder how healthy my niece is b/c, even though she's skinny and very pretty and cute, she eats nothing but junk. I wish that I could change her eating habits, but if her mom won't, I can't. :(

I confess that I love that I'm doing all the cooking now instead of my mom and I'm becoming a very good cook!!! :)

I confess that when I was on vacation for the 4th of July I really missed my new way of eating and was SO ready to get back to it that I came home, dropped my luggage, and immediately began cooking dinner.

I confess that I can't wait to go to my next high school reunion just to see the looks on people's faces who just saw me at last year's reunion.

I confess that I can't wait to hit my goal b/c there are so many things I now want to do, such as parasailing, rock climbing, etc. I can't wait!!!

This is my first time reading this thread...I can't believe I missed it! I am in tears reading these confessions and writing my own. Here goes.

These above, and then here are my own:

• 3 years ago, I began a lifestyle so I could have more energy for my children. In the process, I lost over 20 pounds. I wish I had never lost that weight because I was happy with myself before. Now that I’ve lost that weight and gained it all back (plus more), I feel like a big, fat loser.

• I met my current best friend who is overweight when I was skinny. She loved me then. I gained weight. She loves me now. She has been working out since January and is losing weight and I’m afraid she’ll be skinnier than me.

• My sister has been naturally thin her entire life. All of her friends who are moms are very thin. I think she doesn’t respect me because I didn’t work hard to get my pre-children body back.

• My sister just had her first babies (twins) four months ago. I hoped she would hold onto pregnancy weight. She didn’t.

• I am ashamed to go out in public because I lost weight and gained it all back. I am sure people are judging me and thinking that I was on some sort of fad program that didn’t work, like everything else.

• I had a breast reduction last year and I thought it was the best thing I had ever done in my life…until a few weeks ago when I took what I hope are “before” pictures and my stomach was bigger than my boobs.

• I judge my 400 pound friend. Not for being obese, but for having obese children.

• When I lost weight a few years ago, a friend was doing it with me. We both lost weight and both gained weight back, but me more than her and I hate her for it.

• My goal weight is 135 because my lowest adult weight after having 4 children was 138 and I had 3 pounds of boobage removed when I had a reduction, but secretly I wonder if I can get down to the 120s.

• My mother is always on my case about my weight. Last Thanksgiving, we got into a fight about it and she hasn’t talked to me since. She’s 69 years old and I miss her. Getting thin would make her happy (and maybe get her off my back.)

• When I meet new people, I want to tell them, “I used to be skinny, you know.”

• I hate telling people I am on Weight Watchers because I am sure they are thinking to themselves that I shouldn’t even bother since I won’t stick with it/it won’t work.

• For the first time in my life, I ran 6 miles on Saturday. I think people don’t believe me because there’s no way a fat chick like me could do that.

• I am reading these confessions and am amazed at the women who are afraid of losing weight because they don’t want to attract attention. The best part of being skinny for me was all the attention I got. Now I feel like a whore.

• I don’t buy myself nice clothes at my current size because I don’t think I deserve to look nice.

• I don’t have any recent pictures of me on Facebook…only skinny pictures.

• Cancer made one of my best friends skinny. Even though it ended up killing her, sometimes I still wish for a disease to make me skinny.

• I think my husband is more attracted to me when I am thin and that he only has sex with me now to get his own.

• I blame my husband for my weight gain.

And for one good one: I used to want a tummy tuck, I don't anymore. Even when I get skinny (and I will) and have that flab hanging off me, I hope it will serve as a reminder that I have had 5 pregnancies and 4 beautiful children resulted from it and also of how I've conquered my demons. Thanks for letting me share.

I thought of another one:

I confess that I fear people will think I am uneducated because I am overweight. Educated people know better than to do this to themselves.

Wow! I am new to this website and found this thread. I can't believe how much I have in common with everyone. Sometimes I feel like the only one and a terrible person for having these kind of thoughts. So here it goes...

1. My husband recently lost over 50lbs and looks great.
a. now I am worried that he will find someone skinnier/prettier/younger?
b. I am jealous. I am happy for him but at the same time he sucks for being able to lose faster and the willpower to do it.

2. I hate myself in pictures and avoid them at all costs. (I try to be the one behind the camera)

3. I want to be skinny not because it is healthy but because I want to look great, and the cute clothes.