Confessions
 

** I admit that although i want to be healthy in loosing weight, i tend to not always follow the healthy rules, but lie to my friends and say i am eating healthy.

**I admit that i am using diet pills to loose the 124 pounds i have gained over the last two years

**I admit that i tend to make excuses for my weight gain instead of admitting its my fault.

**I admit that i sometimes weigh myself more than once a day

**I admit that i keep a naked picture of myself on my phone so i have motivation to not look this way anymore.

**I admit, i have never been ashamed of the way i look until this year, and now i hate to even let my husband see me.

**I admit that my largest motivation is to look good for my husband again, and to enhance my sex life :) (not that i do not have one) It just was better when i was thinner.

Originally Posted by elvislover324:
I confess I considered wasting $30 of my husband's hard-earned $$ (he wouldn't call it "his" $$ but I do since he works his tail off) to buy a pair of Vera Wang skinny capris that I saw at Kohl's today. I felt downright beautiful in them and the $$ really isn't in the budget where I have been changing sizes (26-14 in 9 months, buying clothes the whole time). If I asked him, he'd buy them for me in a second. And I almost did ask. But I don't NEED them, I just want them. I wish I took a picture of the tag for the exact style number.

I confess that I am LOVING wearing my new capris mentioned above...there is nothing a coupon and a pouty face can't get me. :D I told my husband all about these capris that I just *had* to have, saw on their website that they were $5 cheaper than the store, plus I had another coupon to save $5 more (tag price is $48, absurd!). $20 for a happy wife, happy husband, happy day!! :carrot::carrot::carrot:

(And what was funnier, he got new sneakers for $65 and when we left the store, the alarm went off. We went back to the cashier, it was my $20 capris with the extra security tag inside, not the New Balance!!! So weird!)

I confess that I used to buy cake mix so I could eat the batter. I just saw a picture of batter and that familiar pang came right back. Ugh. I just had to get it out here so I can go on with my day. There will be no detours tonight on the way home from work. I will eat the dinner I prepared.

I confess that as much as I claim to be happy with who I am and that I'm hot ****, I don't feel that way as often as I'd like.

I want to lose 100lbs, but I'm really afraid of having flabby skin. This terrifies me.

McDonald's is my weakness. It's cheap and easy when I don't feel like cooking (which is all the time).

Sometimes I wish I could be bulemic or take diet pills in excessive amounts or be anorexic. The thought of anorexia terrifies me and makes me eat more.

Holy crap....I hear a lot of those bs lines practically every day, even coming from my own family members. I have ALWAYS had a weight problem. The one that bugs me the most....you have such a pretty face, now all you have to do is lose some weight to go along with that......pisses me off big time. I have been doing weight watchers and i have fallen off the wagon.....to be honest, at this point I dont really care.

I have done the marriage/divorce thing (I left because my husband was physically and mentally abusive, his family was mentally abusive, especially my ex sister in law who I despise with all my being). I have done the "Im pretty sure Im dating the one"....we internet dated, web cammed, met finally and then I never heard from him again....funny cuz there were warning signs which I refused to see....he told me about a woman he once met who he didnt approve of her appearance and he never saw her again....wish I had listened to my gut. And on top of it all, I dated a tonne of douchebags after that.

I was watching tv the other day and Iyanla was on....she had on a family of women who were overweight....she told them that their weight problem was actually that of protecting themselves from getting hurt. I guess thats my problem, and I would like to meet someone, however, in my eyes, its not that easy....I have many other issues including having lost EVERYTHING last year and having had to move back in with my mom. No guy wants to date a loser/fat chick living back at her parents house because she cant support herself. On top of it all, I feel like even more of a loser as last Thursday my boss decided out of the blue to let me go (did I mention she didnt have the guts to tell me herself but had another employee tell me to pack up my stuff - that I wasnt coming back).

I confess that at my highest weight, I tried the HCG program to get it off quick. Even though I knew better and that it was too good to be true.

I confess that when I first came to 3fc I tried IE and failed. I read lots of books on IE and thought I was so smart to find such a wonderful way to lose weight ... I gained another 17 pounds. So now I'm starting over with tried and true (for me) calorie counting but with even further to go.

I confess that I resent how holier than thou my dad and sister can be about weight - neither has ever really struggled with it, both are runners. I get so jealous of my sister but so angry about it I rebel and eat and don't move so I can be the opposite of her.

I confess that I'm terrified my step kids will finally just come out and say "omg you're so fat compared to mom" I know it's not a competition between us, but I get so emotional and anxious about it all the same.

I confess I've blamed my weight on my health issues (I never gained weight until my thyroid was removed) but can I really blame 100 lbs on the loss of one organ? I know my metabolism was way screwed up from losing it, but eating my emotions hasn't helped one bit.

I confess I found some extra thyroid pills from when they changed my dosage and I've started taking them to try to get the metabolism I had when my Graves disease was full blown and could eat anything I wanted and lose weight.

I confess I'm terrified I'll never make it.

I confess I'm terrified I'll pass my crazy weight obsession, eating issues, body hating on to the kids.

I confess I'm terrified I will get to goal and then instantly gain it all back.

I confess I blame my ex husband for my weight and food issues because he wouldn't 'allow' me to have what I wanted so I binged in secret to prove to myself I didn't have to do everything he said. I still have that feeling and hide to eat far too often.

I confess that I am putting my faith in 3fc and 2 real life friends to keep me strong through this journey. I can't do this alone.

I confess that I have unrealistic goals, like losing another 20 pounds by July 4 because the weight has come off so quickly in the last 2.5 weeks. I know I'm setting myself up for failure but I can't help pushing myself though I'm also terrified I'll binge or stop even trying as a result of not meeting my short term goal.

I confess that I'm more terrified of staying fat than any of the other things I confessed.

... sigh ...

- I have been overweight my entire life, and just recently was able to come to term with the fact that a lot of my issues stemmed from my grandma. She always told me people were laughing at me, that I was being made fun of by everyone. :(

- I am afraid of the person I might become. There is a part of me that is terrified of what I will become. I have a big heart now, and am sweet to almost everyone, but what if that changes?? What if I change??

- I am afraid of the attention I may get. I have used fat to shield me, to keep people away. When I thought people were making fun of me (as I was told often) I thought this would be best. Sure, I might get laughs, but it keeps me from making friends with people who would hurt me.

- I am afraid of the aftermath!!! My body, my lack of boobs! If I was to get down to 160, I can only picture myself looking like an alien. >.<

No wonder I sabotage myself so much!

ShyHeather, you will still be you. Are you only sweet because you think you have to be, to compensate for your weight? Or are you sweet because you want to be? Since you're worried about staying sweet, I'm guessing that you want to be and always will be.

I don't think you'll look like an alien at all. In fact, I would kill to have your fiery red mane; your red hair and fair freckled skin are absolutely gorgeous.

Originally Posted by HelloNurse:
ShyHeather, you will still be you. Are you only sweet because you think you have to be, to compensate for your weight? Or are you sweet because you want to be? Since you're worried about staying sweet, I'm guessing that you want to be and always will be.

I don't think you'll look like an alien at all. In fact, I would kill to have your fiery red mane; your red hair and fair freckled skin are absolutely gorgeous.

I think being the way I was, has molded me to be kinder. Then again, my mom has always told me I had a big heart even as a child. I was raised right.

Thanks for replying, those are just my crazy, bizarre fears.

I confess that I've probably gained weight on vacation. I feel heavier.

I confess that I don't want to diet this week. I am pushing through regardless. I just not feeling it. I want pizza. And fried chicken. And a cheesecake. And homemade potato salad. And it is driving me nuts. I have went several months without a single craving and this week has more than made up for that. And now, it takes every bone in my body to say "NO!" So, when I get home, running shoes are going on, and I am going to run and run and run until the craving passes. At least, I hope it passes. I don't know how much more of this I can take before I cave and over-induldge.....

Originally Posted by zoesmom:
I confess that I don't want to diet this week. I am pushing through regardless. I just not feeling it. I want pizza. And fried chicken. And a cheesecake. And homemade potato salad. And it is driving me nuts. I have went several months without a single craving and this week has more than made up for that. And now, it takes every bone in my body to say "NO!" So, when I get home, running shoes are going on, and I am going to run and run and run until the craving passes. At least, I hope it passes. I don't know how much more of this I can take before I cave and over-induldge.....

LOL ... Me too!! I have to confess that today, it was back and forth and back and forth with, "Let's get fast food" and "let's go home and make dinner!" Making a fresh meal at home won out, and it is better for us both. :o

But man, do those cravings come and bite you hard.

I confess to eat a little over one serving of bacon ranch chicken for lunch :(

I confess that my motivation is gone. I don't feel like weighing my food. I don't feel like preparing my meals in advance. I don't feel like turning down birthday cupcakes. I don't feel like giving up alcohol. I don't feel like exercising.

I want to get to goal though so...

I didn't feel like making my food and weighing it out today either. On the way out the door I was just like "Eff it" and I grabbed an avocado and a can of tuna. I mixed them together to make a sort of tuna salad for lunch today, and squeezed in a little lime juice. It wasn't as good as I wanted it to be, tasted a little astringent, but it was nutritious and filling and on plan.

So I guess that could by my NSV for the day; I didn't throw out my boring lunch and get a slice of pizza instead.